Official blade forum joke thread

nikoknife48

nikoknife48

Joined
Mar 10, 2007
Messages
2,915
Hi Blade brothers,
In the times we are currently living I felt that that it would be a good idea to start a thread for jokes. So when your having a bad day and need a laugh you have somewhere to go. Also feel free to share some of your favorites !

So here we go,

A husband and wife went to pick up their car at the dealership and were told the the keys had been locked in it. So when they went to the service department they saw the mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As the husband watched from the passenger side, he instictively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. Hey! he announced to the mechanic, "It's open"! His relpy, "I know- I already got that side. :)
 
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Black Eyes
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.
 
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Japanese scientist have now created a camera with such an incredibly fast shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed !
 
Shortest joke in the world; So, this seal walked into a club...
A pries, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar. The bartender said," What is this, some kind of a joke?"
 
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
 
A Highway Patrol officer noticed a car with a broken tail light. When he tried to pull the car over it took off. As the officer chased the car with lights and siren, it just kept going faster.
Pretty soon they were going 120 mph. After a 30 mile chase, the driver gave up and pulled over to the side. Naturally, the officer was rather upset. He pulled the driver out of the car
and cuffed him. "Now, what the hell was that all about?" asked the officer. "I was only going to tell you that you had broken tail light." The man replied, "Last week my wife ran off with a
Highway Patrol officer. I thought that it was you and you were trying to give her back." The officer gave him a "fix it" ticket and they went there separate ways.

By the way, I believe that When I die, I want to go peacefully.......is from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
 
UffDa said:
By the way, I believe that When I die, I want to go peacefully.......is from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
Click to expand...

Your right , thanks.


What do you call a dog with no legs?

















It doesn't matter. He can't come when called anyway. :D
 
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."










He replies "BREASTS.":D
 
A woman was pulled over by a Police Officer for speeding. As she was getting her drivers liscence out of her purse, a CCDW liscence fell out. The officer said "Ma'am, do you have any firearms in your car?" she replied "Well, I have a 12 guage in the trunk, a 9mm in my purse, a .500 in the glove box, a .45 under the seat, and a .308 in the back" The officer replied "Ma'am, are you afraid of something!?" The woman replied "Not a single thing."
 
Why did Michael Jackson always grab his crotch when he sang and danced?




So he could hit the high notes :)
 
3 Nuns were walking thru the park when a 'Flasher' jumped out from behind the bushes, opened his trench coat, and 'flashed' himself to them... The first Nun had a stroke, the second Nun had a stroke, but the 3rd Nun refused to touch it...
 
If only I can prevent forest fires, why do they waste all that money on advertising? Seems they would just pick up the phone and call me.:confused:
 
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