Oh those hilarious on-line product reviews

kgd

kgd

Joined
Feb 28, 2007
Messages
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Like the rest of you gear gobblers (my new self identity after initiating the bushcraft=religion thread), I spent a pile of time looking at gear at the big outdoor websites. In the wonderful world of on-line marketing, the fashion today is to have reviewers post on-line reviews of the products.

Like all summary statistics, you often see a large effect when 1) a product has few reviews and 2) somebody rated the product extremely poorly. Knowing this I rarely consider the actual averaged rating for the product unless there is a large number of reviews associated with it.

I often find myself reading the product reviews. Lately, I've been getting a kick out of the observation that the worst reviews for a given product are often associated with somebody who clearly didn't know how to use the gear, were using the gear in a completely inappropriate situation or just plain doing something that was insanely stupid and blaming their poor predicament on the product they purchased.

I know that we are supposed to try and stay positive, but this situation of bad product reviews produced by people who were in error rather than the product in error provides a lot of comical reading. This thread is in dedication to that phenomena.

So here are the rules. Find an actual product review posted to an internet shopping site. No videos allowed. If you want to post videos start your own thread.

Provide a posting of the product and then copy the bad review. What constitutes the bad^2 review in this case must be as follows.

1) The person performing the review provides enough details of their usage that you can ascertain that they are 'completely doing it wrong'.

Or

2) The person puts in some juicy details about their description of the product usage that clearly shows placing themselves in a silly situation

3) If paired with 1 or 2 makes a great example, the reviewer has no clear idea that they were at fault in how they were using the product or the situation they were actually in. They blame their poor outdoor experience fully on the product's so called failure when indeed it wasn't the product fault.

Finally, don't forget to post what the reviewer applied to as a rating and how that relates to the average rating of the product.

This should be fun. I'm on my way home now from work. I'll get one or two examples up when I get back home. Hopefully some of you will have posted up some gems while I'm on commute.
 
Okay - you guys are slow...I'll start off with the Coghlan's Tube Tent recently acquired by Joben and posted in his new gear thread.

Coghlan's Tube tent. It a survival shelter, cost is $5. Basically a sheet of plastic formed in a triangle. You set it up with a guy line running through the centre.

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Here is what one reviewer on REI had to say:

we were very stupid and went camping up in the tetons with two of these and some cheap sleeping bags, not knowing the amount of snow awaiting us at the top. it got to about 15 degrees that night and we frose our butts off. these things were cheap, a wind tunnel, and just plain bad. it was our own dang fault, but these things didnt give much help
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So basically - they went camping and did not know the weather conditions of where they were camping. Bought the cheapest gear they could muster, a self admitted cheep sleeping bag and the coghlan's tube tent. Apparently, when considering their options they didn't see the disjunct between a $5 tent and $100 tent. Finally, the positioned the tube tent into the wind instead of against it. At least they admit to being stupid - so it fails my criteria #3.

Their rating 1 star out of 5; total rating of 3 reviews 2.7/5 strongly affected by this one.
 
kgd said:
Apparently, when considering their options they didn't see the disjunct between a $5 tent and $100 tent. .
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Dang, considering where they were going, I would think it would be more like a $5 tent and a $300 tent. I sure wouldn't take a tent that retails for $100 into weather like that.
 
storl said:
I sure wouldn't take a tent that retails for $100 into weather like that.
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I did, and it worked out just fine. My ex GF and I were camping up in the White mountains. Bad weather was coming in, I mean really nasty weather, and all we had was a $49 special from Big 5 Sporting Goods. We packed our $49 tent into the truck, and headed for a motel in Flagstaff: the cheap tent did just fine that trip. We had fun, because we weren't stupid enough to actually use that tent in that weather. I can't imagine taking a tube tent anywhere in the winter.
 
There is a whole nother category of bad reviews: The person who gives the product a low score because of a customer service problem with the retailer.

This type of person says something along the lines of "The tent is ok for the price but it took over 3 weeks for SoandSo to ship it! WTH? 1/5 stars!"
 
I think just as bad are the people who post their review based on an initial impression.

"Just got this backpack today, it looks really comfy and has that "new car" smell. I hope to try it some day" 5 STARS!!

just worthless....
 
Here's a couple of reviews regarding LMF Scout Firesteel: 66 reviews overall 4.7/5

Looks great, excited to use it. Struck the magnesium strip 3-4 passes with the striker and the mag. rod flew into the weeds. Glad I had matches!!
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Rating 1/5

bought this thing to get rid of matches. I usually bring along some pages from a newspaper to get my fire started and with matches it works every time. This is not the case with this fire steel. It does not matter how many degrees of temperature you can squeeze out of it as long as the sparks disappears just as quickly as they appeared. Can not ignite paper unless it is soaked in some flammable liquid. Sorry guys: cool gadget but it does not take away the need for matches.
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Rating 1/5

This tool took forever to wear down to the point where it would spark consistently. By the time that happened, my fingers were cramped and blistered---and it didn't even catch a paper towel on fire. This would be disasterous in a winter survival situation. I took it out in a non-survival situation, and I'm glad I tested it first. [...]
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Rating 1/5

This would be a great product if it lit stuff up a little easier. I was able to make the sparks very easily with the flint and was surprised when even using some nice birch bark (thank you Survivorman!)i was still not able to get a fire going very easily. It appeared to be working very well except nothing lit until numerous strikes later. Good luck with this but if possible just take some matches or better yet a weatherproof lighter.
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Rating 2 out of 5

Now all of these are just folks not being shown how to use a piece of gear that for intensive purposes has a little more to it than appearances would suggest :D
 
Sounds like these folks were a little unclear on the concept, like they bought it before they knew what it was for. "uh, it's for making fires, but I'll be damned if I can figure out where to put the fluid in... so I'm only giving it one star." My God, people, find out what it is, and how it should be used, before you order it.
 
kgd said:
Here's a couple of reviews regarding LMF Scout Firesteel: 66 reviews overall 4.7/5.......

......Now all of these are just folks not being shown how to use a piece of gear that for intensive purposes has a little more to it than appearances would suggest :D
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dawsonbob said:
Sounds like these folks were a little unclear on the concept, like they bought it before they knew what it was for. "uh, it's for making fires, but I'll be damned if I can figure out where to put the fluid in... so I'm only giving it one star." My God, people, find out what it is, and how it should be used, before you order it.
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Maybe one of us should do a full post dedicated to nothing but all of the ways to start a fire with a firesteel and post a link on the light my fire site.
 
mistwalker said:
Maybe one of us should do a full post dedicated to nothing but all of the ways to start a fire with a firesteel and post a link on the light my fire site.
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Hmmm. Ya know, Mist, that might be a fun thing to do. I have a few jobs in at the moment (yay!), but I might work on that a little and contribute to the thread/post. This could take awhile though, and there are others who know more than me about fire steels (and so many other things). Sounds like fun though.
 
That could be a fun group activity.

Sorry Ken, wasn't trying to hi-jack the thread...it was just a thought.

I'll go away and shut up now until I run across one of the above mentioned reviews :D .
 
Yeah, sorry, Ken. It does sound like a fun project though, so maybe one of us will start another thread.
 
Here's one I found on a RAT 3... "This is a pitiful blade the only thing it has going for it is the handle and not even to a great degree. D2 is horrible for corrosion resistance oil daily and pray hard and it might not corrode. The model from this vendor isn't D2 but 1095 cheaper metal also piss poor for corrosion resistance. the sheath is way to bulky and hard to place on the body for survival carry where you may need to have it on you 24/7. The place this knife really fails at is blade geometry. They didn't even think about the geometry of the blade. It's a low belly knife this is semi-reliable for skinning. That's where it's use ends. This is a hard concealed draw for combative knives. The wound it leaves tends to free-bleed leaving you in the fight longer. So you military men and women RAT is marketing to stay away. The blade is not reinforced anywhere D2 and 1095 tend to be brittle metals meaning they must be reinforced to withstand tactical conditions. If you try to pry with this knife it will break. My advice for the price get a SOG Seal pup elite (don't bother with the standard seal pup it's worse than this knife) or get an SRK by Cold Steel. Stay away from rat anything that installs carbide cutters in the sheath. This is a yuppies knife for those fake adventurers that hike pre-ground trails that you could drive an RV through. Save yourself some trouble stay away from this knife." 1 out of 5 stars
 
Here's my favourite. This is from REI as well. The reviewer gave it a 1/5 stars.

Comments about Coghlan's Plastic Matchbox:

The good news is that this matchbox is water tight, light, durable and easy to find in the dark. This item will keep matches dry even when submerged for a lenghty period of time. The bad news is the strike plate on the bottom of the box simply does not work. It is either not coarse enough, too small, or does not provide enough exposure to the match head. I have tried several different types of matches of various manufacturers and could light none of them using this flint plate. So for storing matches, this item is great but for striking them, look for another product.
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The "striker" on the bottom is actually a very small firesteel, not a striking area for matches.
 
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For the Coleman Machete:

"terrible machete.Had one,and it bent in half when trying to chop a sappling.Hit the blade against a colombian machete,and the coleman had a big cut into it,and the real machete was almost perfect."

here's my advice, use the sharp side to chop with. this guy/gal actually hit two edges together... gah!

"This tool will not take an edge, either with a grinder or a file. It is very flexible so that the energy of a blow goes into flexing the blade rather than cutting stems, which has undesirable consequences for your hand. If you are looking for a useful tool, keep looking."

Doesn't know how to swing and quite likely doesn't know how to sharpen.

there are a few more reviews.

OH OH OH!

best one!
"To call this a bad machette would be to generous. It is more accurately described as a machette shaped object.

As other have noted the blade is thin, too flexible, easily rusts, and fails to hold an edge. The handle is poorly made and mine had sharp edges where the handle halves were joined. If you use it without wearing gloves this "tool" will do more dammage to your hand than to the target vegetation.

Th sheath material is 1 step above paper. Technically it will hold the machette on your belt. But if you draw the machette with anything other than utmost care you will cut the sheath.

I can't believe a company with a valuable name like Coleman would put their brand on this embarassing piece of garbage."

from the same guy who wrote this about an electric sharpener that costs $130... you'll love this.

"I was a little nervous about spending this much on a sharpener. Now that I have had it a few days I wish I had bought it sooner. If you understand the basics of sharpening this tool is VERY easy to use. If not, it might take a little practice to get the hang of it.

The instruction are pretty good and clear.

I have sharpened everything from good quality kitchen knives to tag sale pocket knives. When this machine is done with them you could shave with em. Amazing. Isn't this SOOO cute, he could shave with them!:barf:

I can see one pitfall for people who don't understand sharpening (or who have weak eyesight). If you have a blade with a deeper grind angle than this machine uses you first have to re-shape the edge (on the coarse wheel). If you don't, you are simply adding a second bevel behind the old one and leaving the cutting edge alone. This may be why some people have problems. On one cheap knife I had I first had to really grind on the first stage wheel to pull an entire new bevel. Once I did it was no problem."

http://www.amazon.com/Coleman-18-Ma...dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
 
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I bought this so my son could have a cheap machete.
It is cheap but it is not a machete. This is a dangerous piece of flimsy metal designed to injure the wielder. Plants laugh at this pathetic impostor and I highly recommend you never look at this page again. I'm serious... I took one swing with this thing and knew I would never use it. It has no balance, no feel, no blade, and I could break it if I wanted to.
For your own good click the 'back button' on your browser and step away from this "machete".
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bahahaha
 
my god, these people (online reviewers listed here) breed. no wonder society is so messed up.....
 
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