OT - English is crazy - for language lovers

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Pan Tau

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As a non native English-speaker I knew it - and recalled it when I tried to get all the puns in Beo`s thread from last week...

"Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you have to hit "START" ?????"

- A true world-language (I guess German has even more unregular things in it)

Andreas
 
Originally posted by Pan Tau
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
Click to expand...

An odd end.

:D

Which could also be said of a strange conclusion
of a story or of a life.
 
Pan Tau - I've seen this before, but it's pretty good. Most the 'weird' things for English it mentions I think hold for German too. Actually, they all have fairly straightforward explanations.

Did you ever the 'European English spelling' joke?

cliff - it's not exactly Shakespeare and co. directly, the thing is that post-1066 English loves to borrow words from other languages. So now something like 80% of the words in a normal dictionary are not descended from Old English, but taken from Norman French, later Parisian French, Latin, Greek, and lots of Danish/Norwegian actually too.

but in reality, people in speaking tend to use about the same number of words, now, in shakespeare's time, in King Aelfred's time, etc.


but these funny words like 'goose', 'teach', 'taught', etc. are actually all native English. It is usually the native English and most common words that are a bit 'funny' in what their plural forms are, what their past-tense forms are, etc.


I'll add another interesting one - I always assumed that the turkey bird and Turkey the country were just coincidental. But it turns out that when turkeys began to be imported into Europe (from America) a lot of people confused them with a certain type of wild fowl which came from Turkey. So the names are connected - though 'incorrectly' in a sense. As 'American Indians' have nothing much to do with India.

--B.
 
Along this same thread, and one I hope Andreas appreciates as a speaker of German, are some funny observations and rantings by none other than Mark Twain. I'm using this LINK to save space. I remember my father reading this to me when I was about ten or so, and thinking it was terribly funny. :yawn:
 
Of course, there's always the lovely little pronunciation traps:

"The tough coughs as he ploughs the dough" (title of a Dr. Seuss bookd)
 
Stevo,
Thank you, I know Twain`s observations - and like them very much.
The hardest thing I guess is the "Neutrum" for female creatures like "das Mädchen" - that is why Germans differentiate between the "sex" in nature and the "genus" in grammar - and then some Americans developed the category of "gender" - so there are three different types (natural, grammatical and social) to be mixed up with articles and the four causes (casus) - a source of confusion. We can conclude most of the Germans are experts when it comes to sex (ever had grammatical sex?);)
During my days at University I had to teach foreign students German (had some from Maine and Delaware too, but mostly Italians, Spanyards, Czechs and students from Poland). They learned to hate the sentence - "Yes, you understand the rule - now let us have a look at the exceptions...."

For example rivers in German usually have the female article ("die" Isar, Donau, Elbe, Saale) but some of them are masculine ("der" Rhein, Don, Tiber ) - very ugly as there is no "indicator" (the -o" in Italian as an indicator for "masculine" or the "-a" for "feminine". German is hard to learn as a foreign language I guess :rolleyes:

It is funny that all languages have different typical sources for mistakes that derive from the native language of the speaker (I am sure that my English sounds pretty German...). I heard about a Russian Historian (cannot remember the name) of whom was said "He speaks Russian in many foreign languages"... :)

Andreas
 
Andreas, your English is very good. My mother's English, on the otherhand, still sounds quite German at times (she has been here for about 35 years!). When I would ask her why certain definitive articles were used in German she would just say "because that is how it is". I found that if I spoke fast enough and mumbled she wouldn't catch if I used the wrong one. At least if things were plural I always got it right. Spanish was better for me, the noun gave you a clue whether it was masculine or feminine ( thankfully no neuter!) But, you must admit that the all encompassing English "the" is a glorious thing. German has got us beat when it comes to spelling, though ~ at least things are spelled the same way that they sound.:)
adios, stevo
 
you must admit that the all encompassing English "the" is a glorious thing
Click to expand...

Yes it is - I admit.
:)

I think it is not too difficult to learn the basics in English. It gets more difficult when you delve into the deeper reaches of the language. (My English teacher always said:"Remember - English is among the easiest languages - to speak in a wrong way.")

In Germany now the thing with the ugly accent is getting better I think. But still you can recognize a lot of German English speakers by the way they pronounce "th". They either spray your face or say something like "se" or "de" - but a growing number gets it right.

Most languages have sentences or words that are hard to say for foreigners. An Italian "gli" is spoken right only by Italians. And in Bavaria it is the word "Oachkatzerlschwoaf" (squirrel`s tail) that is the test even for fellow Germans but non Bavarians... Not to mention the Czech sentence "Strtc prst skrs krk!" that means "Stick your finger in your throat!" and is a full sentence without any vowels... :eek:
anything like that in English


Andreas
 
I was learning Hungarian 'til my mom and her sister moved a few hundred miles apart.

What's a kid to do when your mom and your aunt suddenly stop chattering in English, turn and look at you or your cousins, then start looking at each other and say something in Hungarian, after which they can't stand up or end up rolling on the floor, or even make a mad dash to the bathroom?
 
Theres always....

The sixth sick shiek's sixth sheep's sick

or..

She Sells Sea Shells By The Sea Shore,the shells she sells are sea shore shells, Im sure!

Spiral :rolleyes: :D
 
:grumpy: practising - sure I will make it - maybe in a few years...

heard about these at school:


He's not a pheasant-plucker, he's a pheasant-plucker's son. He's only plucking pheasants until the pheasant-plucker comes.

(wait until you say something about pheasant f***ing...)

and one for the gun-nuts:

Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, the shot was Shott, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that's hot! Is it not?

...pure brain jogging for me...:)


Andreas
 
Heres a bit more brain jogging Pan Tao!

A good exercise to demonstrate the variety of meaning in English through slight intonation changes is to take a single sentence, try stressing each word in turn, and see the totally different meanings that come out!

1. I didn't say he stole the money.
2. I didn't say he stole the money.
3. I didn't say he stole the money.
4. I didn't say he stole the money.
5. I didn't say he stole the money.
6. I didn't say he stole the money.
7. I didn't say he stole the money.

Once you are clear on the intonation changes in the seven sentences, you can then add the context words to clarify the meaning.

1. I didn't say he stole the money = someone else said it.
2. I didn't say he stole the money = that's not true at all.
3. I didn't say he stole the money =I only suggested the possibility.
4. I didn't say he stole the money = I think someone else took it.
5. I didn't say he stole the money = maybe he just borrowed it.
6. I didn't say he stole the money = but rather some other money.
7. I didn't say he stole the money= he may have taken some jewelry.

I find it amazing Realy! it also shows the possibility for misunderstanding in the written word!

Spiral {I can only speak English though!}

:rolleyes: :D
 
Despite all its flaws, warts and all, the English language is still the most interesting one I know. Since so many people are already using it either in speech or in written form, or both, we might as follow the majority.

:D :D
 
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