OT Joke

J

johntrout

Joined
May 21, 2004
Messages
232
Did you guys hear about the constipated mathematician?







He managed to work it out with a pencil...
:( :eek: :mad: :D
 
johntrout said:
no one likes my joke? :(
Click to expand...
Hits way to close to home to be comfortable John.:p ;)
If you ever wind up taking heavy duty pain meds you will come to appreciate the daily use of senna laxitives.:rolleyes: ;)
 
Yvsa....now that was too much information....:eek:



:barf:




JT - a stinker for sure....



:footinmou


:D
 
two guys walk into a bar.
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.Ya figure one of them woulda said something.

Keith
 
How about the guy who arrives at the bar in a hurry and orders 4 double scotches. As soon as they are put in front of him, he swills them down as quickly as he could and orders the same again, downing them just as fast as the first 4. The barman looks at him and says
"You're in a real rush, aren't you?" The man replies
"You would be too, if you had what I've got."
"What have you got?" asks the barman.
"Seventy nine cents."

:D Boom boom!

OK, OK, I'm going.

Derek.
 
A bear walks into a bar, sits down at the bar and hails the barkeep over. The bear says, "Barkeep I'd like................. a drink." Barkeep says "Why the big pause?"
A really bad one, i know.

~Jake
 
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "have you got any grapes?"

The bartender replies "NO! this is a bar we dont have any grapes"

The duck shrugs his shoulders and walks out.

The following day the duck walks back into the same bar "you got any grapes?"

The bartender looks at the duck and shouts "I told you yesterday that we dont have any grapes, now get out of my bar!"

The next day the duck walks back into the bar and quacks "you got any grapes?"

The b/t looks at the duck in disbelief and screams "Look I have told you three times now that we dont have any grapes and if you come in here again asking for grapes then I am going to nail your flat webbed feet to the floor, you got it ?. Now get out of my bar!!!"

Next day the duck walks back into the bar "You got any nails?"

The b/t surprised, says "No, we're all out of nails."

"Good", says the duck. "You got any grapes?"
 
How did the cowboy get sh*t on his moustache?
















....lookin' for love, in all the wrong places....

( old song if you remember )
 
A fish walks into a bar, sits down at the bar and hails the barkeep. The barkeep says, "Howdy, What'll ya have?" In a raspy voice, the Fish says "WATER."

:D:D:D
 
How can you possibly not love the Irish?

"Personal ads" in the Dublin News

Heavy drinker,35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict
interested in a
man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic
Football Club and
starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in
the morning.
------------------------------------------------------


Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by
long-time fiancée,
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing
still exists in
this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
------------------------------------------------------


Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets
slit-eyed and shirty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for
bail purposes,
maybe more.
------------------------------------------------------


Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a
damp cottage in the
arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old
blonde lady, with a
lovely chest.
------------------------------------------------------


Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady,
for wining and
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks,
and slaughtering
cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light
of a pale moon.
------------------------------------------------------


Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue
eyes,seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

------------------------------------------------------


Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old
double-jointed
supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an
open-minded twin sister.
 
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends
encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one
thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years
of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses She would regularly bend
down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon
I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she
could
not overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she
wanted
to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to
her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs
to
my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When
she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the
stairs at me. I stood there for a moment before making my decision, then
turned and went to the front door.

I opened the door, stepped out of the house, and walked straight toward
my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he
hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little
test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the
family."

The moral of this story is:






Always keep your condoms in your glove compartment.
 
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