OT: Letter to My Pets...

Kismet

Kismet

Joined
Jan 30, 2002
Messages
7,269
My Dear Pets,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run. The same holds true for the hallway.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for
years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door....

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2 If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or
daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech
challenged.

5. Yes, I REALLY do think he is funny. No, I really don't care if you think so. Leave and take your attitude with you. You can keep the hair.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant,
you can sell the results.



(from the internet)
(edit: In the interest of Truth in Posting, I did include one statement of my own. It is up to the reader to determine which it is.)

Kis
 
We don't have any two legged children but are the proud parents of a dog and two cats. I think that's plenty.

Frank
 
Yep! Wasn't real sure how Ace, our Rat Terrier, would be after getting him from SPCA rescue but he is a wonderful addition too our family and we wouldn't take for him! The schooling we got for him, and us, was worth every penny we paid, wish we could afford more!:D

Ace is a hot dog lover, doesn't matter if it's the cheap ones or not.:D We cut them into small pieces and scatter them throughout the house while he's outside.
Now every time he goes out he comes in and does his hot dog hunt for 30 minutes, hasn't yet figured out he doesn't get one every time.:rolleyes: :D ;)

Here's a pic of Ace watching for his momma....
 
especially like the visitors rules. it's important to make sure you have a set of rules for your pets, and live by them, here's my house rules for Blue, all strictly enforced of course:

House Rules

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.

2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

4. The dog can get on the old furniture only, but has to stay off the new couch.

5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.

7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.

9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.

10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
 
A couple siamese cats we owned learned how to open doors by wrapping front paws around the knob and swinging their body back and forth.

Only works on easy knobs- like the bedroom or closet.


munk
 
I'm guessing it's either the line about staking claim to food with a paw print *or* the one talking about being sarcastic
 
Yvsa,
How much does Ace weigh? I ask because true Rat Terriers are under 10 pounds; smooth Fox Terriers are about 20 pounds. Our Foxterrorist Bingo (19.5 pounds as long as Dorothy monitors his diet and snacks) from the Humane Society is the delight of our lives, and we understand the "all sleep under the cover with permission" part of Kronckew's post :D
Berk
 
Kismet said:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't know about that either. :rolleyes:
 
Berkley said:
Yvsa,
How much does Ace weigh? I ask because true Rat Terriers are under 10 pounds; smooth Fox Terriers are about 20 pounds. Our Foxterrorist Bingo (19.5 pounds as long as Dorothy monitors his diet and snacks) from the Humane Society is the delight of our lives, and we understand the "all sleep under the cover with permission" part of Kronckew's post :D
Berk
Click to expand...
Berk the Rat Terrier Club of America says that Ratties can go from 10-25 pounds.
Ace isn't a purebreed but is about 3/4 according to our vet and weighs 30 pounds at the moment. He's a couple of pounds heavy due too too many hot dog snacks lately.:D ;)
Our vet says Ace appears to be froma purebreed and a halfbreed, fits right in with me being a breed.:D ;)
http://www.ratterrierclub.com/standard/index.html
Hopefully Ace will last as long as we do as they're s'possed to live from 12-16 years.
Won't say Ace will be our last dog but if we ever get another it will be another Rattie, possibly from Rat Terrier Rescue which I was gonna use when we got Ace at the SPCA at Bartlesville.
There's a Decker Rat Terrier purebred that goes up to around 35 pounds!!!!:eek:
 
Yvsa,
Thanks for the official word on the breeds. I"ll bet that, as a true terrier, Ace has never met a Rottweiler or Shepherd he didn't think he could (and try to) eat ;)
Berk
 
You're right Berk.:D But since Ace went too school he has came out of a lot of his aggresiveness, thankfully. It was kinda an embarrasment too take him too Petsmart and have him growling at all the big dogs while wanting to play with the little ones.:rolleyes: My son and his wife have a Yorkie that Ace dearly loves!:D
 
munk said:
A couple siamese cats we owned learned how to open doors by wrapping front paws around the knob and swinging their body back and forth.

Only works on easy knobs- like the bedroom or closet.


munk
Click to expand...


LOL munk. One of our cats once figured out how to open the Rubbermaid in which we keep the treats. He hasn't been able to repeat the performance. I think he dreams of opposable thumbs.

Jeremy
 
Nice try, Nasty, but it was number 5.

Granted, if it wasn't for my peculiar sense of humor, Young Bert, the not-right dog, would have been put down for excessive barking and running away (from the tree he was tied to for 2 &1/2 years!)

I was his last chance. He is strange. He will never be "right."

I can relate.

I've had him for almost 3 years now, and he thinks heaven is an open door, muddy fields, and a crik with the occasional duck in it. He is scary when I pick up a gun and walk to the door. He bounces like a terrier when it...well, like a terrier ALWAYS does.

He is very good pheasant dog, and (sometimes) an astonishing retriever of downed, but not out, pheasants.

Perhaps we were meant for each other. I really DO think he is very funny.



But he ain't 'right.'


Kis
 
Kismet said:
He is very good pheasant dog, and (sometimes) an astonishing retriever of downed, but not out, pheasants.
Click to expand...

Watching an enthusiastic lab or chessie retrieve a downed goose that's still on its feet and ready to fight reminds me of a linebacker blindsiding a hapless quarterback. The dog is what makes bird hunting great.
 
I have a pond behind my house with way too many geese and ducks. I've thought about getting a dog *just* to irritate the dayumed things back.
 
You guys that have problems keeping your cats out of stuff really ought to spend a day in the life of a ferret owner. It’s like having a perpetual two year old running around the place. Anything that can be gotten into will be. Push open cabinet doors, squeeze under closet doors, climb up the back side dresser drawers to sleep in the top drawer with your underwear (he loves to curl up in the cups of bras), etc. I even found my ferret sleeping in the silverware drawer on his back on the forks (Forks! why forks?! Wouldn't spoons be more comfortable?). <sigh>, had to wash all of the silverware....again.
If you leave your boots out where he can get to them he will dig the liner out of the bottom and hide it. If you leave gum, candy, or anything that may be confused with gum or candy in the pocket of your pants on the floor overnight you WILL wake up to one of two options. 1) The treat will be completely gone, hidden where ever he feels like stashing it. Or 2) you'll have a big sticky half-eaten ball of yuck and plastic at the bottom of your pocket if he does not share the same taste in candy as yourself...you will not find this mess until you slip your pants on and reach into your pocket for your keys/change/whatever. Potatoes that are not eaten must be put down the disposal unit. Any potato left in the trash can for more than 45 seconds will be fished out and hid under the dresser or under the bed for them to fester into alcohol. The same goes for baby carrots. Wake up call is exactly 6:34am. It is at this time that the ferret MUST be fed. If you are not out of bed at said time, then feet will be bitten. Also it is customary for the ferret to burrow under the fitted sheet and make as much noise as possible with his nails against the mattress. Also, I should mention that the toilet's primary function is that of a drinking source for the critter. if you have to go and he's drinking, then you have to wait. Let's just say it gets messy if you don't.
These are just a few things that I put up with on a daily basis. He's a mess, but i have to admit that I’d be lost without his fuzzy little body curling up between my wife-to-be and me at night. The things we put up with for our furry family members.

great thread, Kis
Jake
 
Jake?

I have just gained a new and profound respect for your bride-to-be. What a marvelous person she must be, with great affection and understanding for you and your...er...interests.


Either that, or she is going to marry you and then murder you for the insurance.

It's a toss-up. :D :D


Thanks, friend.


Kis
 
Kis,

My girl is everything a man could want in a wife personified as the most mothering of mothers. As much as i love our furry little thief, it is I that has to quiet her baby-talk to the creature while the game or movie is on TV. Furthermore, it became even more embarrassing when i had to hush her cooing to our fuzzy child when my college friends (many of which i hadn't seen in a year or more) stopped by for a visit. But, she's a good host and easy on the eyes, so i assume they didn't mind her incomprehensible babble too much. I haven't ruled murder for acquisition of my estate of previously view DVDs, half empty boses of macaroni, and fermenting under-the-bed potatoes. it is all too clear now...Treachery is afoot;)!

Jake
 
Raghorn?

Here's an excerpt from letter I sent a good friend this week, in answer to his general inquiry about how things were going:

"The world here? Hmmm. First killing frost last
night...mid-20s...tomato plants are a gonner. But the
change of season marks the time of year that
invigorates me more than any other. The dog wants to
go pheasant hunting...as do I. Less for the shooting,
and more for the ballet between a good pointer and the
bird. Even after all these years, there are moments
that are just breath-taking as the dog catches scent,
slows, turns, hurries, then excruciately slowly moves
each muscle (separately, it seems) to bring itself to
an absolute stillness--just the rigidity of the point
seemingly vibrating in it's intensity. So lovely."

A good dog, a fall day, some strength in your legs, and the chance at a shot...might just be my idea of heaven. :)




Kis
We have so much
 
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