- Joined
- Jan 30, 2002
- Messages
- 7,269
Subject: Men vs. women (as forwarded to me by a very bright woman)
>
>1. NAMES
>If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
>call
>each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
>If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
>each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
>
>2. EATING OUT
>When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
>$20,
>even though it's only for $32.50. No one will actually admit they want change back.
>When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
>3. MONEY
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
>sale.
>
>4. BATHROOMS
>A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
>razor,
>a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
>The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
>man
>would not be able to identify most of these items.
>
>5. ARGUMENTS
>A woman has the last word in any argument.
>Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
>6. CATS
>Women love cats.
>Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men threaten cats.
>
>7. FUTURE
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>8. SUCCESS
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>9. MARRIAGE
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.(Notation: My friend said women look at men as mallable clay: "he'll MAKE a fine husband.")
>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
>
>10. DRESSING UP
>A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
>garbage,
>answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
>A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
>11. NATURAL
>Men wake up looking as they went to bed.
>Women feel they have somehow deteriorated during the night.
>
>12. OFFSPRING
>Ah, children.
>A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
>appointments
>and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
>dreams.
>A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
>
Vive le difference! (or words to that effect)
>
>1. NAMES
>If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
>call
>each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
>If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
>each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
>
>2. EATING OUT
>When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
>$20,
>even though it's only for $32.50. No one will actually admit they want change back.
>When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
>3. MONEY
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
>sale.
>
>4. BATHROOMS
>A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
>razor,
>a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
>The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
>man
>would not be able to identify most of these items.
>
>5. ARGUMENTS
>A woman has the last word in any argument.
>Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
>6. CATS
>Women love cats.
>Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men threaten cats.
>
>7. FUTURE
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>8. SUCCESS
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>9. MARRIAGE
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.(Notation: My friend said women look at men as mallable clay: "he'll MAKE a fine husband.")
>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
>
>10. DRESSING UP
>A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
>garbage,
>answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
>A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
>11. NATURAL
>Men wake up looking as they went to bed.
>Women feel they have somehow deteriorated during the night.
>
>12. OFFSPRING
>Ah, children.
>A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
>appointments
>and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
>dreams.
>A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
>
Vive le difference! (or words to that effect)
