OT....Pilot-Mechanic dialogs...

Kismet

Kismet

Joined
Jan 30, 2002
Messages
7,269
Subject: For your air traveling audience


> > After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
> > > mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight
that
> need
> > > repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot
> completes,
> > > and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They then
respond
> in
> > > writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken
and
> the
> > > pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
> > >
> > > Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
> humor.
> > >
> > > Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as
> > > submitted by QUANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance
> > > engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never
> had
> > > an accident.
> > >
> > > P = The problem logged by the pilot.
> > > S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
> > >
> > > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> > >
> > > P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> > > S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
> > >
> > > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> > >
> > > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > > S: Live bugs on back-order.
> > >
> > > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
> > > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> > >
> > > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > > S: Evidence removed.
> > >
> > > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> > >
> > > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > > S: That's what they're there for.
> > >
> > > P: IFF inoperative.
> > > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> > >
> > > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > > S: Suspect you're right.
> > >
> > > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> > >
> > > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> > >
> > > P: Target radar hums.
> > > S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
> > >
> > > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > > S: Cat installed.
____________________________________
 
I've seen this a dozen times and I always laugh my a$$ off, especially this one:
> > > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
I remember on a test flight to Brownsville, TX (we were looking for hot weather and found it there) when we were setting up for approach we couldn't get down and locked lights. Did a tower flyby and they said the gear appeared to be down but no way to tell if it was locked. A chase plane came up and looked us over but couldn't tell if gear was locked. Foamed the runway and called out the firewagons and we landed without incident.

Cessna mechanics were flown in from Wichita next AM and spent the entire day playing with the gear. Next AM they pronounced the plane "fixed." So, I told the mechanic to take my place on the pending test flight. He wouldn't do it.

Confidence.
 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


Best one of the batch. I'm still chuckling.

-Coyote
 
On the earlier airliners, rather than a door, there were curtains between cabin and cockpit.

There's an apocryphal story ( in other words, always attributed to some other guy ) that some pilots would bring a handfull of nuts and bolts on board, and during extra steep climbouts toss a few of the spare nuts/bolts under the curtain to go rolling down the aisle, making the passengers suspect the plane was coming apart.
 
A passenger on an airplane called the filght attendant over. He said "When I listen to the pilot's intercom remarks it sounds like the captain is a woman."

The flight attendant replied, "The captain IS a woman, in fact the entire flight crew are women."

The man replied, "I have never seen an all-woman filght crew! Could I go up to the cockpit and see them?"

The flight attendant replied, "Sure, you can go up there, but we don't call it 'the cockpit' on this flight."
 
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
Click to expand...

Alot of these had me laughing out loud!!:D:D Thanks!

There's an apocryphal story ( in other words, always attributed to some other guy ) that some pilots would bring a handfull of nuts and bolts on board, and during extra steep climbouts toss a few of the spare nuts/bolts under the curtain to go rolling down the aisle, making the passengers suspect the plane was coming apart
Click to expand...

:D:D

I was on a flight from Honolulu to L.A. and the Steward was doing the safety briefing on the intercom and said "in the event that the aircraft should lose pressure the cabin will turn into a rubber jungle and everyone will scream--after that pleas put on the oxygen masks....:D
 
Originally posted by MauiRob
Alot of these had me laughing out loud!!:D:D Thanks!



:D:D

I was on a flight from Honolulu to L.A. and the Steward was doing the safety briefing on the intercom and said "in the event that the aircraft should lose pressure the cabin will turn into a rubber jungle and everyone will scream--after that pleas put on the oxygen masks....:D
Click to expand...

Probably a flight attendant who's been through the actual experience! :D :D
 
Remember that flight in Hawaii that blew off the overhead of the first class section treating the passengers to an open air ride? Not for me.
 
Remember that flight in Hawaii that blew off the overhead of the first class section treating the passengers to an open air ride? Not for me.
Click to expand...

Did I remember it? Yeah, EVERY time I flew Aloha airlines on interisland flights!!;) :D
 
A B movie was made of that adventure. Watching the movie was enough for me. I liked flying open cockpit planes but not open air airliners.
 
"There I was at 10,000 feet with nothing between me and the earth but a thin blonde!!!"

Well, isn't that the usual start of a pilot to pilot story? - And it's every bit as true as a fisherman's tale about how big the fish that got away was?
 
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