- Joined
- Mar 26, 2002
- Messages
- 3,397
Thought I'd pass this on.
From:
---------------------------------------
"To: <knife-list@kepler-eng.com>
Subject: Re: pipe fitting humor
From: "Wayne Goddard" <>
Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2004 20:34:06 -0700
<<<<>>>>
Came from Prudoe Bay during the oil rush there.
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal concentric
with the hole.
2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout entire length.
3. All pipe is to be of very best quality, perfectly tubular or pipular.
4. All acid proof pipe is to be made of acid proof metal.
5. O.D. of all pipe must exceed the I.D., otherwise the hole will be on the
outside .
6. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam,
or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
7. All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put
on at job site.
8. All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud. tar,
barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make
lumps
under the paint.
9. All pipe over 500 feet long must have words "long pipe" clearly painted
an each, end so that the fitter will know that it is long pipe.
10. Pipe over two miles long must also have these words painted in the
middle so that fitter will not have to walk the full length of pipe to
determine if it is long pipe or not..
11. All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words ""large pipe"
painted on it so that fitter will not use it for small pipe.
12. All pipe closures are to be open on one end.
13. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as pipe.
14. No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight
pipe becomes crooked pipe.
15. Fittings come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Be sure to specify the
direction you are going when ordering.
16. Fittings come bolted, welded or screwed--always use screwed, they are
the best kind.
17. Flange must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite
separate from the big hole in the middle.
18. If flanges are to be blank or blind the big hole in the middle must be
filled with metal.
19. All flanges must be cast or forged of very best quality iron metal,
close, grained, free from blow holes, lumps, cavities, peck marks, pin
pricks
and warts, otherwise we can't use them.
20. Gaskets are to be used to fill space between flanges.
21. Gaskets are to be made of metal, rubber, plastic, paper or some kind of
goop -- do not use cow or sheep manure, it cracks when it gets dry and
the stuff runs out of the pipe.
22, All bolts are to be screwed.
23. All bolts must have a head on one end and a nut on the other,
24. Bolts without heads will be furnished as studs.
25. Studs without heads are to be screwed all over and have two nuts which
is standard. Studs with three nuts are not to be used since they would be
odd.
26. All nuts are to be furnished in sacks. Sacks must be whole and sound,
minimum two nuts per sack. Paper sacks will not be tolerated.
27. All piping must be installed with valves.
28. All valves must have an opening an each end with a flapper in the
middle that goes up and down or sideways when you turn the wheel or crank so
that
it will open or close, otherwise the stuff will run out of the ends.
29. Valves are to be furnished by the kind required as follows:
Ball valves have a ball inside.
Gate valves must have a gate inside.
Globe valves have a globe inside.
Check valves have a check inside.
Angle valves have an angle inside.
Plug valves have a plug inside.
Diaphragm valves have a diaphragm inside.
30. All completed piping lines must go somewhere and connect to something.
The fitter is required to verify this before turnover.
-----------------------------------------------------
~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<>call me 'Dean'
-FYI-FWIW-IIRC-JMO-M2C-YMMV-TIA-YW-GL-HH-HBD-IBSCUTWS-TWotBGUaDUaDUaD
<> Tips <> Baha'i Prayers Links--A--T--H--D
From:
---------------------------------------
"To: <knife-list@kepler-eng.com>
Subject: Re: pipe fitting humor
From: "Wayne Goddard" <>
Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2004 20:34:06 -0700
<<<<>>>>
Came from Prudoe Bay during the oil rush there.
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal concentric
with the hole.
2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout entire length.
3. All pipe is to be of very best quality, perfectly tubular or pipular.
4. All acid proof pipe is to be made of acid proof metal.
5. O.D. of all pipe must exceed the I.D., otherwise the hole will be on the
outside .
6. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam,
or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
7. All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put
on at job site.
8. All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud. tar,
barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make
lumps
under the paint.
9. All pipe over 500 feet long must have words "long pipe" clearly painted
an each, end so that the fitter will know that it is long pipe.
10. Pipe over two miles long must also have these words painted in the
middle so that fitter will not have to walk the full length of pipe to
determine if it is long pipe or not..
11. All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words ""large pipe"
painted on it so that fitter will not use it for small pipe.
12. All pipe closures are to be open on one end.
13. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as pipe.
14. No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight
pipe becomes crooked pipe.
15. Fittings come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Be sure to specify the
direction you are going when ordering.
16. Fittings come bolted, welded or screwed--always use screwed, they are
the best kind.
17. Flange must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite
separate from the big hole in the middle.
18. If flanges are to be blank or blind the big hole in the middle must be
filled with metal.
19. All flanges must be cast or forged of very best quality iron metal,
close, grained, free from blow holes, lumps, cavities, peck marks, pin
pricks
and warts, otherwise we can't use them.
20. Gaskets are to be used to fill space between flanges.
21. Gaskets are to be made of metal, rubber, plastic, paper or some kind of
goop -- do not use cow or sheep manure, it cracks when it gets dry and
the stuff runs out of the pipe.
22, All bolts are to be screwed.
23. All bolts must have a head on one end and a nut on the other,
24. Bolts without heads will be furnished as studs.
25. Studs without heads are to be screwed all over and have two nuts which
is standard. Studs with three nuts are not to be used since they would be
odd.
26. All nuts are to be furnished in sacks. Sacks must be whole and sound,
minimum two nuts per sack. Paper sacks will not be tolerated.
27. All piping must be installed with valves.
28. All valves must have an opening an each end with a flapper in the
middle that goes up and down or sideways when you turn the wheel or crank so
that
it will open or close, otherwise the stuff will run out of the ends.
29. Valves are to be furnished by the kind required as follows:
Ball valves have a ball inside.
Gate valves must have a gate inside.
Globe valves have a globe inside.
Check valves have a check inside.
Angle valves have an angle inside.
Plug valves have a plug inside.
Diaphragm valves have a diaphragm inside.
30. All completed piping lines must go somewhere and connect to something.
The fitter is required to verify this before turnover.
-----------------------------------------------------
~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<>call me 'Dean'
-FYI-FWIW-IIRC-JMO-M2C-YMMV-TIA-YW-GL-HH-HBD-IBSCUTWS-TWotBGUaDUaDUaD<> Tips <> Baha'i Prayers Links--A--T--H--D
Especially about not using manure for gaskets.