The Reverends New Armour
by
Hans Christian Andersen
(1837)
(edited by W. Kroncke/2005)
MANY, many years ago lived a Reverend, who thought so much of Gods Armour that he spent all his money in order to obtain it; his only ambition was to be always well financed. He did not care for his soldiers, and the theatre did not amuse him; the only thing, in fact, he thought anything of was to drive out and show a new suit of armour. He had a suit for every hour of the day; and as one would say of a king He is in his cabinet, so one could say of him, The Reverend is in his arming-room.
The great city where he resided was very gay; every day many strangers from all parts of the globe arrived. One day two swindlers came to this city; they made people believe that they were armourers, and declared they could manufacture the finest armour of God to be imagined. Their colours and patterns, they said, were not only exceptionally beautiful, but the armour made of their material possessed the wonderful quality of being invisible to any man who was unfit for his office or unpardonably stupid.
That must be wonderful armour, thought the Reverend. If I were to be dressed in a suit made of this steel I should be able to find out which men in my empire were unfit for their places, and I could distinguish the clever from the stupid. I must have Gods armour crafted for me without delay. And he gave a large sum of money to the swindlers, in advance, that they should set to work without any loss of time. They set up two hearths, and pretended to be very hard at work, but they did nothing whatever on the anvils. They asked for the finest wootz and the most precious gold; all they got they did away with, and worked at the empty furnaces till late at night.
I should very much like to know how they are getting on with the armour, thought the Reverend. But he felt rather uneasy when he remembered that he who was not fit for his office could not see it. Personally, he was of opinion that he had nothing to fear, yet he thought it advisable to send somebody else first to see how matters stood. Everybody in the town knew what a remarkable quality the stuff possessed, and all were anxious to see how bad or stupid their neighbors were.
I shall send my honest old deacon to the armourers, thought the Reverend. He can judge best how the stuff looks, for he is intelligent, and nobody understands his office better than he.
The good old deacon went into the room where the swindlers sat before the empty hearths. Heaven preserve us! he thought, and opened his eyes wide, I cannot see anything at all, but he did not say so. Both swindlers requested him to come near, and asked him if he did not admire the exquisite pattern and the beautiful colours, pointing to the empty hearths. The poor old deacon tried his very best, but he could see nothing, for there was nothing to be seen. Oh dear, he thought, can I be so stupid? I should never have thought so, and nobody must know it! Is it possible that I am not fit for my office? No, no, I cannot say that I was unable to see the armour.
Now, have you got nothing to say? said one of the swindlers, while he pretended to be busily smithing.
Oh, it is very pretty, exceedingly beautiful, replied the old deacon looking through his glasses. What a beautiful pattern, what brilliant colours! I shall tell the Reverend that I like the armour very much.
We are pleased to hear that, said the two armourers, and described to him the colours and explained the curious pattern. The old deacon listened attentively, that he might relate to the Reverend what they said; and so he did.
Now the swindlers asked for more money, wootz and gold, which they required for smithing. They kept everything for themselves, and not a thread came near the loom, but they continued, as hitherto, to work at the empty looms.
Soon afterwards the Reverend sent another honest courtier to the armourers to see how they were getting on, and if the armour was nearly finished. Like the old deacon, he looked and looked but could see nothing, as there was nothing to be seen.
Is it not a beautiful piece of armour? asked the two swindlers, showing and explaining the magnificent pattern, which, however, did not exist.
I am not stupid, said the man. It is therefore my good appointment for which I am not fit. It is very strange, but I must not let any one know it; and he praised the armour, which he did not see, and expressed his joy at the beautiful colours and the fine pattern. It is very excellent, he said to the Reverend.
Everybody in the whole town talked about the precious armour. At last the Reverend wished to see it himself, while it was still on the anvil. With a number of elders, including the two who had already been there, he went to the two clever swindlers, who now worked as hard as they could, but without using any steel.
Is it not magnificent? said the two old statesmen who had been there before. Your Holiness must admire the colours and the pattern. And then they pointed to the empty anvils, for they imagined the others could see the armour.
What is this? thought the Reverend, I do not see anything at all. That is terrible! Am I stupid? Am I unfit to be Reverend? That would indeed be the most dreadful thing that could happen to me.
Really, he said, turning to the armourers, your armour has our most gracious approval; and nodding contentedly he looked at the empty anvil, for he did not like to say that he saw nothing. All his attendants, who were with him, looked and looked, and although they could not see anything more than the others, they said, like the Reverend, It is very beautiful. And all advised him to wear the new magnificent armour at a great procession which was soon to take place. It is magnificent, beautiful, excellent, one heard them say; everybody seemed to be delighted, and the Reverend appointed the two swindlers Holy Armourers.
The whole night previous to the day on which the procession was to take place, the swindlers pretended to work, and burned more than sixteen candles. People should see that they were busy to finish the Reverends new suit of armour. They pretended to take the armour from the stand, and worked about in the air with big hammers, and tapped with gravers, and said at last: The Reverends new armour is ready now.
The Reverend and all his elders then came to the hall; the swindlers held their arms up as if they held something in their hands and said: This is the Helmet! This is the Breastplate! and Here are the Vambraces! and so on. They are all as light as a cobweb, and one must feel as if one had nothing at all upon the body; but that is just the beauty of them.
Indeed! said all the elders; but they could not see anything, for there was nothing to be seen.
Does it please your Holiness now to graciously undress, said the swindlers, that we may assist your Holiness in putting on the new armour before the large looking-glass?
The Reverend undressed, and the swindlers pretended to put the new suit upon him, one piece after another; and the Reverend looked at himself in the glass from every side.
How well they look! How well they fit! said all. What a beautiful pattern! What fine colours! That is a magnificent suit of armour!
The master of the ceremonies announced that the bearers of the canopy, which was to be carried in the procession, were ready.
I am ready, said the Reverend. Does not my suit fit me marvellously? Then he turned once more to the looking-glass, that people should think he admired his garments.
The alter boys, who were to carry the sword, stretched their hands to the ground as if they lifted up a sword, and pretended to hold something in their hands; they did not like people to know that they could not see anything.
The Reverend marched in the procession under the beautiful canopy, and all who saw him in the street and out of the windows exclaimed: Indeed, the Reverends new armour is incomparable! What a long sword he has! How well it fits him! Nobody wished to let others know he saw nothing, for then he would have been unfit for his office or too stupid. Never Reverends armour were more admired.
But he has nothing on at all, said a little child at last. Good heavens! listen to the voice of an innocent child, said the father, and one whispered to the other what the child had said. But he has nothing on at all, cried at last the whole people. That made a deep impression upon the Reverend, for it seemed to him that they were right; but he thought to himself, Now I must bear up to the end. And the alter boys walked with still greater dignity, as if they carried the sword which did not exist.
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CAVE CANEM ET SEMPER PARATUS
Dic, hospes Spartae nos te hic vidisse iacentes,
Dum sanctis patriae legibus obsequimur
If they don't want me to eat animals - why do they make them out of MEAT?
