OT, very OT: Pee Balls!!

M

munk

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Mar 22, 2002
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From the basement came the cry. Our six year old dutifully informed us. We knew all too well what it meant.

"PEE BALLS! PEE BALLS! PEE BALLS IN THE BASEMENT!!!"

What, exactly, is a pee ball? Well, a true pee ball was not possible 20 years ago. It may not have been possible 10 years ago. It certainly was not possible until the Age of the Disposable Diaper.

Now, many of you may recall watching a 'scientific' illustration of some new super absorbant diaper or modest pad on TV? Small fibers swell with moisture, becoming a fluid rich nodule. When the diaper is ballooned past any sensible changing schedule, or there has been a failure due to injury, the diaper leaks Pee Balls wherever the wearer goes.

We went hiking today. My 2.5 year old came with his older brother and I for the first time. I was proud to watch him struggling over logs in the path. Apparently a stick from one of those logs punctured the diaper. Returning home, changing the diaper was lost in the bussle of getting dinner ready. Was it your turn? No, I thought it was your turn to change the diaper....

There are now nodules, as big around as a BB or a pea, scattered throughout our house. I was in bare feet and kept hitting wet spots. "HMMMMM. Someone must have dribbled some from a water cup," I thought. "Well, boys will be boys."

It wasn't until the dreaded cry of, PEE BALLS!! That I knew the worst.

You know, if there was someone you hated, you could always arrange your toddler to run about the living room of the disliked party for a few moments, long enough to distribute a generous supply of Pee Balls from a punctured diaper. You'd be out of that house before they even knew what hit them.

And they may never know what they are or where they came from. Pee Balls are also rich with chemical deoderant. They smell neither good nor exactly like pee....but nothing you'd want on your breakfast plate, your clothes or carpet.

I hopefully will never have enough data to know for sure, but I'm guessing with enough exposure over time Pee Balls would make your house smell like a nursing home.


munk
 
Ferrous, my two-monther and your newborn are not yet capable of Pee Balls. When they're that little diapers get changed all the time, and besides, they aren't running down hallways and out of sight playing somewhere. It takes real bladder capacity to fill a large diaper. New borns are not in the Pee Ball class...you wait a year and a half...a long drive out of town...

I suppose in today's world the presence of Pee Balls means child neglect. Lock 'em up; another Pee Balled parent.

munk
 
LOL Munk!! :D :D :eek:

I too have noticed this odd phenomena, but in a different way...

My boys' bedroom is located in a position relative to the kitchen where I can (if done carefully) shoot the dirty diaper through the doorway, down the hall, through the kitchen opening and into the kitchen garbage. :eek:

My wife doesn't mind if I do this, because she is a great basketball fan (and player) herself. Of course, there was the time I shot one out unannounced while she was in the kitchen and...well, you just guess what happened. :D:D

So, anyway, back to the original story...I had taken my 18 month old son to the local swimming pool where I have been teaching him how to swim. Being the uninformed Dad that I am sometimes, I had neglected to put a "swim diaper" on him and instead left him in his regular size 3 diaper. When we got back (it's just across the parking lot) I took him inside to change him and give him a bath. Upon removing his diaper, I realized I had inadvertently created the mother of all diaper-basketball-shot opportunities. The half-hour spent in the poo had made this thing into a huge and very heavy ball. A thin smile broke across my face and I stepped back to get a good view of the kitchen garbage can. I would need to heave this wet-paper wad with every bit of strength I had in order to make it to the can without bouncing off the ceiling.

Oooof! With a big lunge, it was on its way to the garbage. I remember thinking "This is going to go down with a BIG smash!" ...and then... "Crap! What if it breaks the lid on the can?" ...and then... "What if....

That's as far as I got. The thing hit the wall about 6 inches above the garbage and exploded like a cherry bomb upon impact. Those little "pee-balls" went flying everywhere!

I was cleaning the nodules out of everything for days to come.

Wife was not amused this time as she had been so many times before. :confused:

:D :D :p
 
Good story, Pen. Good arm. I never could throw.

The Kid's humidifier was without a filter so I stuck a couple diapers in there. It's all soft spongy cotton type stuff anyway, I thought. A few days later I go back to check and the two diapers have swollen so bad they're jammed into the tank. I didn't like the look of the milky water from the chemicals in the diapers either. I pried them out and threw them onto the lawn by the garage. Maybe they'll dry out...
I didn't want to put them in a trash can cause they weighed a ton.
They sat there a little longer than I'd planned. I seem to remember a couple guests over to the house that week...lonliest corner of the property, but you had to walk past on the way in...

Yes, Officer, we have it controlled here. Human waste? Not that I know of...

When I lived in a bad part of So. California the locals used to throw filled brown diapers over the fence into my front lawn to show me how much they resented my imperialist ways.

Throw a water soaked diaper anywhere you don't people lingering; another intriguing idea...they're unnaturally full, bursting, fertile, like a fat egg sack, no one's going to believe it's just water.

"Hell no, YOU pick it up."

munk
 
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