- Joined
- Aug 17, 2003
- Messages
- 3,409
For all you ale-e-un's out thar:
Y'all might be a jedi redneck if .
* . . . a Wookie told you to shave.
* . . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
* . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
* . . . parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
* . . . people mistake your house for a jawa used droids and speeder parts dealership.
* . . . that disturbance in the Force was just last night's baked beans.
* . . . the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.(or a kukhri)
* . . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
* . . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
* . . . the moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
* . . . the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba's Gamorean guards.
* . . . the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
* . . . there is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
* . . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
* . . . when storm kills power yer lightsaber illuminates your house until you gouge Bubba's eye out.
* . . . wookies are offended by your B.O.
* . . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an ugly contest.
* . . . you bought hanging air fresheners for your friend's X-Wing at Christmas time.
* . . . you brand cattle with a lightsaber.
* . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. master.
* . . . you call the Emporer That old ugly dude in the house coat.
* . . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
* . . . you call your young apprentice, Juner.
* . . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* . . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
* . . . you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
* . . . you can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.
* . . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
* . . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
* . . . you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
* . . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
* . . . you ever heard the phrase, May the force be with y'all.
* . . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
* . . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
* . . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
* . . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
* . . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
* . . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* . . . you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.
* . . . you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
* . . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
* . . . you have ever gone deer huntin' with a lightsaber.
* . . . you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* . . . you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
* . . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
* . . . you have ever said, Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they.
* . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
* . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
* . . . you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
* . . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
* . . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
* . . . you have ever used the force in conjunction with bowling or a spitting contest.
* . . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing.
* . . . you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* . . . you have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
* . . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* . . . you have fish innards all over your light saber.
* . . . you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
* . . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* . . . you have the words Foxy Lady or a playboy bunny painted on your land speeder.
* . . . you hear . . . Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!
* . . . you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
* . . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
* . . . you meditate to old CCR records.
* . . . you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
* . . . you put your lightsaber down your pants and brag about your big dick.
* . . . you say 'these are not the beers you are looking for.'
* . . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
* . . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
* . . . you think that Jabba the Hutt really knows how to pick up good looking chicks.
* . . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
* . . . you think the Death Star is in the outhouse.
* . . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
* . . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
* . . . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
* . . . you use the O on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
* . . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
* . . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
* . . . you use your lightsaber as a bug zapper.
* . . . you use your lightsaber as a flare and you hear Ma say from the back porch, Billy Bob, you get your ass in here rite now you're gunna put Bubba's other eye out!.
* . . . you use your lightsaber to open the door on your chevy pickup.
* . . . you were buried with your lightsaber.
* . . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
* . . . you wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
* . . . you wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
* . . . you wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
* . . . your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
* . . . your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.
* . . . your blind date was arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
* . . . your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, May the force be with you.
* . . . your father has ever said to you, Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot.
* . . . your father's name is Garth Vader.
* . . . your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
* . . . your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
* . . . your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millenium Falcon.
* . . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
* . . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
* . . . your lightsaber came with a money back guarantee.
* . . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
* . . . your lightsaber is equiped with a kick start.
* . . . your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had.
* . . . your master ever said My finger you will pull..hmmm?
* . . . your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine.
* . . . your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.
* . . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
* . . . your X-Wing has a still in it.
* . . . you're flying a ship that has no original parts.
* . . . you've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
* . . . you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
* . . . you've ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
* . . . you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.
* . . . you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother tell me if this hurts.
* . . . you've ever used a lightsaber to save yourself from a hellashus impact.
* . . . you've got a stuffed womp rat from Begger's Canyon on your mantle.
* . . . you've moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
* . . . you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
Y'all might be a jedi redneck if .
* . . . a Wookie told you to shave.
* . . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
* . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
* . . . parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
* . . . people mistake your house for a jawa used droids and speeder parts dealership.
* . . . that disturbance in the Force was just last night's baked beans.
* . . . the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.(or a kukhri)
* . . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
* . . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
* . . . the moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
* . . . the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba's Gamorean guards.
* . . . the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
* . . . there is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
* . . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
* . . . when storm kills power yer lightsaber illuminates your house until you gouge Bubba's eye out.
* . . . wookies are offended by your B.O.
* . . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an ugly contest.
* . . . you bought hanging air fresheners for your friend's X-Wing at Christmas time.
* . . . you brand cattle with a lightsaber.
* . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. master.
* . . . you call the Emporer That old ugly dude in the house coat.
* . . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
* . . . you call your young apprentice, Juner.
* . . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* . . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
* . . . you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
* . . . you can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.
* . . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
* . . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
* . . . you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
* . . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
* . . . you ever heard the phrase, May the force be with y'all.
* . . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
* . . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
* . . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
* . . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
* . . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
* . . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* . . . you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.
* . . . you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
* . . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
* . . . you have ever gone deer huntin' with a lightsaber.
* . . . you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* . . . you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
* . . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
* . . . you have ever said, Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they.
* . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
* . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
* . . . you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
* . . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
* . . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
* . . . you have ever used the force in conjunction with bowling or a spitting contest.
* . . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing.
* . . . you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* . . . you have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
* . . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* . . . you have fish innards all over your light saber.
* . . . you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
* . . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* . . . you have the words Foxy Lady or a playboy bunny painted on your land speeder.
* . . . you hear . . . Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!
* . . . you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
* . . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
* . . . you meditate to old CCR records.
* . . . you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
* . . . you put your lightsaber down your pants and brag about your big dick.
* . . . you say 'these are not the beers you are looking for.'
* . . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
* . . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
* . . . you think that Jabba the Hutt really knows how to pick up good looking chicks.
* . . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
* . . . you think the Death Star is in the outhouse.
* . . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
* . . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
* . . . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
* . . . you use the O on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
* . . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
* . . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
* . . . you use your lightsaber as a bug zapper.
* . . . you use your lightsaber as a flare and you hear Ma say from the back porch, Billy Bob, you get your ass in here rite now you're gunna put Bubba's other eye out!.
* . . . you use your lightsaber to open the door on your chevy pickup.
* . . . you were buried with your lightsaber.
* . . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
* . . . you wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
* . . . you wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
* . . . you wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
* . . . your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
* . . . your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.
* . . . your blind date was arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
* . . . your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, May the force be with you.
* . . . your father has ever said to you, Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot.
* . . . your father's name is Garth Vader.
* . . . your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
* . . . your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
* . . . your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millenium Falcon.
* . . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
* . . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
* . . . your lightsaber came with a money back guarantee.
* . . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
* . . . your lightsaber is equiped with a kick start.
* . . . your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had.
* . . . your master ever said My finger you will pull..hmmm?
* . . . your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine.
* . . . your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.
* . . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
* . . . your X-Wing has a still in it.
* . . . you're flying a ship that has no original parts.
* . . . you've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
* . . . you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
* . . . you've ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
* . . . you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.
* . . . you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother tell me if this hurts.
* . . . you've ever used a lightsaber to save yourself from a hellashus impact.
* . . . you've got a stuffed womp rat from Begger's Canyon on your mantle.
* . . . you've moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
* . . . you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
But just because they didn't have any.:grumpy: 
