Post Halloween TRUE Horror...a tale of survival...!!!

Andy the Aussie

Andy the Aussie

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So you will all recall a few days ago I posted up the pic of the pumpkin I carved up for Halloween....




... pretty demonic I though... :) but how little did I realise the true evil that lurked within...!!!

With Halloween over I had cast said vegetable aside in the yard for proper disposal come rubbish night and till yesterday afternoon I had not given it another thought. Clearly it had other ideas...!!

There I was, harmlessly working out side the door of the Man Cave trying to get the hang of the new Worksharp tool I just got... over the hum of a grinding belt meeting a BATAC I heard something.....it was something not of this world.... like the sound of pure evil speeding towards me....!!! I looked up and saw it coming, like a vision of orange hell with little gnashing orange teeth....intent of ripping my very soul from my body....now to be completely honest....I think I pee'd myself a little at this point.... but I think I can be forgiven for this lapse given the hellish scene confronting me....!!!!
 
In a few short bounces and with a banshee howl it was upon me, like a leopard on it's prey... I punched and hit and struggled....I realised I was in a fight for my life... I tried an eye gouge...but clearly that was not going to work....a "Liverpool Kiss" stunned it for a moment.... with this I was able to redeem myself a little and scream "is that the best you have BIATCH..." ('cause you have to say something cool at moments like this right ?) and it was on again.... the tide of the struggle ebbed and flowed one way to the other.... at one point I could smell it's rancid pumpkin breath (with a slight undertone of sulphur) as it's teeth tried to tear at my throat.... I thought "Andy - your time has come... taken out by a bloody vegetable...how will that read on your headstone.... FFS this can't be the way you go..." !

Steeled by the horrific thought of being known forever as "That guy killed by a vegetable" I fought back...my hand reaching out and touching, like a sign of divine intervention, the warm comfort of black canvas and INFI steel.... I gripped this saviour from Ohio and with the strength of a man faced with his own mortality plunged it into my attacker....!!!!! With a cry it released its hold on me.... I could feel it weaken slightly at which point I was able to...with the flexibility of a Romanian Gymnast and the pure brute strength of an East German Female Weightlifter.... fling my demonic assailant back into the edge of the bushes in my yard.... as it sat there injured but not beaten I was able to snap a picture.... I was unsure if a camera would even be able to capture an image of a creature so foul, but it was....

 
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It was clear to me now that I had gained the upper hand....but only just, and I suspected as it sat there bleeding its fetid blood that it only continued to gain strength.... if I did not strike soon it may not just be me that perished but this could spell the end of civilisation as we know it.... with these thoughts in the forefront of my mind I took action....I rushed and grabbed more steel....(and a beer from the fridge on the way past) ...so armed I set about to dispatch "Satan's Hell Fruit" back to the dirt where it originated... there was snarling and screaming, foaming at the mouth and foul language (all of this just from me as I attempted to run through the house....I didn't realise how out of shape I was !!) , I was upon the beast....hacking and thrusting with every ounce of strength I could muster...(only slowing to take a mouthful of beer, belch and then hack on).... I could see the fear in its vacant eye holes !!! I knew the end was close.....it was weighed down with what can only be described as "Steel From Heaven"... !!! Under this great weight the best was down and close to done... it retreated back to it's rock and gasped its final rancid breath.....



... today....when I awoke, alive and (mostly) intact, I realised that I had to share my tale of survival with my friends so as you can all draw inspiration and know to take care next year when you think "that is just an old vegetable" ..... ;)
 
Hahahahah I don't know what is better; you calling the pumpkin a "biatch",, or describing it as "Satans Hell Fruit"
 
Thank God--looks like you had barely enough blades to subdue the fiend.

Close call, brother--glad you survived. :D :thumbup:
 
That final picture is epic! I almost peed myself laughing! Umm...sorry. I can't always behave like a lady. :o
 
Andy,
Great Story, awesome imagination! You had me going for a Minute.. I was waiting for a Australian creature, or one of those Dang snakes you have in Your Country.
Enjoyed the Story, and the Pictures!

I love people like You!

Thank You and Take Care,
Curtis
 
Andy, you don't run around saying REDRUM do you :p This was excellent Brother, LOL HAHA even the wife laughed at this one...
 
.....got bit by a redback again?..... Didn't you....... Or smoking something you shouldn't have?;)

...great story Andy:D:thumbup:
 



LOVE IT!!! That was hilarious Andy!!!!!!!! :thumbup:
I think after your epic battle you should have it stuffed and mounted!!! :p
 
Wow Andy! :eek: it's a good thing you had that BATAC close by!

Great lesson learned, thanks for sharing!
 
Whoah man you gots to stop catching and smoking those redbacks man....
Me thinks they be messin with your brain man...

Coolest story ever, I think I wet myself a little laughing som hard...
The guy next to med om the bus actually looked for another seat when I starter laughing at my phone, LOL....
 
Ya' ought a be writin' some fiction stories there, laddie...;-)
 
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