Priceless Hyperbole from Ebay Listing for Benchmade Knives

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Architect

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Taken from a listing on Ebay -The write up is both completely over the top and completely confused. I wonder of Les De Asis wrote this stuff up.

1 EACH- 805HSSR TSEK Walnut #039 of 250

Stainless steel, G10 composite and beautiful walnut inserts converge into an almost immortal state of reality. The human hand tenaciously conforms to the curvature of the AFCK handle. A unique blade design opens up to run the gamut of utility. And for the hard-core knife user, the steel carry-clip is movable for tip-up, tip-down, and side-to-side carry options. Its brute beauty is in the eye of the holder.
THIS IS A LIMITED EDITION PIECE! THE BOX SAYS “of 250” BUT BENCHMADES’ WEBSITE SAYS 180 PIECES, ALREADY SOLD OUT!


1 EACH-960-01 OSBORNE w/ PEARL #050 of 500

It’s a machinist’s dream. The Model 960-01 not only represents the uncanny knack of Warren Osborne’s design abilities, it also demonstrates some of Benchmade’s finest manufacturing capabilities. Machined aluminum handles feature a pocketed black PEARL inlay, which are machine contoured both directions for that subtle difference that defines Benchmade. Detailing such as ball bearings press fit into the handles, and a titanium backspacer add to the visually custom appeal of the 960.This knife is as light as a feather and makes a super everyday utility carry!

BEAUTIFUL KNIFE! GREAT GIFT FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE! ONLY 500 PRODUCED WORLD WIDE!!

The 960 is made from stainless steel with plastic inserts, not aluminum frames with "black pearl" insets. Far from being a "light as a feather" this knife is quite heavy by today's standards.
 
This is not a topic for Community. I am moving this to the Blade Discussion Forum.
 
Architect said:
Taken from a listing on Ebay -The write up is both completely over the top and completely confused. I wonder of Les De Asis wrote this stuff up.
1 EACH- 805HSSR TSEK Walnut #039 of 250
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sorry, the seller's not crazy. this is quoted directly from Benchmade's own website!
Architect said:
The 960 is made from stainless steel with plastic inserts, not aluminum frames with "black pearl" insets. Far from being a "light as a feather" this knife is quite heavy by today's standards.
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the description for the 960 is also directly from Benchmade.com, and this seller's description for the 960-01 is correct. it has aluminum handles, and simulated mother-of-pearl inserts. i've handled one, and it's VERY light.

abe m.
 
allyourblood said:
sorry, the seller's not crazy. this is quoted directly from Benchmade's own website!
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I noticed this same bizarre style in the catalog the last couple of years. It has all the hallmarks of being written by somebody who speaks English fairly well, but not fluently.
 
it has been my impression that these descriptions are written in this quirky, over-the-top style in order to wow the consumer. they seem very similar to those of J. Peterman and other highbrow, fashion-elite companies who use this tactic in their catalogs.

abe m.
 
It looks like the person writing it was using a dictionary or thesaurus. I just figured it was intentionally silly and over-the-top.
 
From the Benchmade site on the Nimravus Cub:

"A modern tip design towers like an obelisk in an endless spew of would-be challengers. Use of full-tang, premium grade steel blade consciously dissuades any fear of tool failure."

"...an endless spew of would-be challengers." I hate it when that happens :eek:
 
fewpop said:
"...an endless spew of would-be challengers." I hate it when that happens :eek:
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Maybe they should build in some tactical "challenger grooves" to deflect challenger spew during covert de-challenge-ation operations.
 
If that's the writing on the site, they may have outsourced the copy writing to a foreign country along with some knife parts.
 
Hey, but Boink, they could have outsourced to an ENGLISH-SPEAKING country, couldn't they? :D
 
Ok, check this out. I translated that first jaw dropping description into Japanese using the Babelfish computer translation software - then I translated it back into English. Here's the amazing result:

The stainless steel, the synthesis of G10 and it concentrates the insert of the beautiful walnut on point in actual most immortal states. The human hand tenaciously coincides to the curve of the steering wheel of AFCK. It develops the design of the blade which is unique in order to experience everything of practicality. And for the user of the hard central knife, the steel iron luck clip portable possibility and the ひ っ chestnut returns because of tip-up, have returned home, carry the side two side selection. As for the rough beauty there is an eye of the holder. Core knife user, the steel carry-clip is movable for tip-up, tip-down and side-to-side carry options. Its brute beauty is in the eye of the holder.


I want one with a steering wheel! :D
 
rofl, these adjective rich and loaded descriptions are hilarious. Sounds like a description of something out of Bud-K or some other "fantasy" crap shop. (not implying that benchmade is crap, just that their descriptions are)
 
I'm still confused. I understand how moving the clip can change it from tip up to tip down carry. I'm baffled about how the clip can be moved for side to side carry. I've always wanted side to side carry and never could figure out how to do it.
 
Blades_Two said:
I'm still confused.I'm baffled about how the clip can be moved for side to side carry. I've always wanted side to side carry and never could figure out how to do it.
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They mean that it can be carried lefty or right handed.
 
fewpop said:
"...an endless spew of would-be challengers." I hate it when that happens :eek:
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See, when you are dealing with challengers spewing endlessly, that's when you really need a Dork Ops knife with its strategic blood grooves, to control all that spewing, endlessly of course...
 
Just discovered this thread - LOL!
Couldn't stop laughing - sure brightened my day - thanks. :D
 
Suddenly the Dark Ops rhetoric doesn't look so extreme. :)

I doubt Excalibur was made as well as these Benchmade works of art.
 
"A modern tip design towers like an obelisk in an endless spew of would-be challengers. Use of full-tang, premium grade steel blade consciously dissuades any fear of tool failure."

Makes Lynn Thompson look like a much more reasonable fellow than the gents at Benchmade.
 
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