Psychological question. Any Psychiatrists or psychologists there?

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Gary007

Joined
May 17, 2002
Messages
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Got a question.

I've got a step-daughter. Got her when she was 5, now she's 15. When we first got together and became a family she called me "daddy" right away, and did so up until she was about 13 or so, then it stopped. Now she just uses little pet names with me. Like she won't call me from across the room, and when she calls me on the phone, she just says "hi", and not "hi dad", and uses pet names only in certain situations, like passing in the hallway, she might smile and use a pet name, etc. But she does refer to me as "dad". Like, "oh this is my dad", or might say to her mother, "where's daddy", etc. She will call her mom "momma", and also has pet names for her mother as well. Just can't seem to call me "daddy" or "dad".

  • We have a great relationship, we chat alot, she'll hug me, even request that I tuck her in at night, (very sweet) we get along great, no problems.
  • She has never known the bio dad, and has never asked about him.
  • She seems well adjusted, good grades, super outgoing, really responsible, always really happy, has tons of friends, both guys and gals.
  • she's the non-confrontational type of person.

What changed? We get along great.

Just really curious about this. Just want to make sure she's okay and not dealing with some internal struggle.

And if you know a psychiatrist / psychologist and want to run this by him/her, I would really appreciate it. Slightly worried. :(
 
I'm not a psychologist but I play one on the internet. :p :D I'm not even sure that I understand the problem since you said that she doesn't call you dad or daddy, but then later said that she does refer to you as dad.

Perhaps she's going through the "I'm embarrassed of my parents" stage that some kids seem to experience. It seems to be pretty natural. You know like when they ask, "Hey dad, can you drop me off down the street from the school." I don't think it has anything to do with the parent, it's the kid struggling to be independent and see herself as an adult. Anything that interferes with her mature outlook might embarrass her. Or maybe, "daddy" sounds too infantile to her right now. As she gets older and more secure in her own skin, she'll probably be more comfortable with being your little girl. :o :)

Of course I could be totally wrong. It happens once every ten years or so. :p :D
 
Gary007 said:
Got a question.

I've got a step-daughter. Got her when she was 5, now she's 15.

What changed? :(
Click to expand...


See above line. She turned into a teenager. Probably nothing to worry about.
 
Yes it's a mental disease called being a teenager !!! It becomes extremely embarrassing for them to admit that they have parents [those old people over there ? never saw them before] ...You get along great ? Fine ,but just don't hug her in public just keep doing it in private !
 
It's as simple as her being a teenager. I expect the same treatment from my biological daughters in a few years that you are experiencing now.
 
Just a shot in the dark here but you mentioned she never knew her bio dad,perhaps...............:confused:
 
At the first stages of teen-hood, kids will start to think about situations they never thought of before, and be embarrassed of things they never even considered before.

When she was a kid, before the little light of awareness went on in her head, she never even thought twice about calling you Dad. Now, she may be wondering if it's still alright to call you Dad. It might just be as simple as that. Kids stress out about the most absurd things.
 
Mongo said:
She's 15.... you're lucky she's even talking to ya!;)
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What Mongo said. It sounds like you have a great relationship.

Always remember two things;

1) Never sweat the small stuff.
2) It's all small stuff.
 
Gary007 said:
Just can't seem to call me "daddy" or "dad".

  • We have a great relationship, we chat alot, she'll hug me, even request that I tuck her in at night, (very sweet) we get along great, no problems.
  • She has never known the bio dad, and has never asked about him.
  • She seems well adjusted, good grades, super outgoing, really responsible, always really happy, has tons of friends, both guys and gals.
  • she's the non-confrontational type of person.

    What changed? We get along great.
Click to expand...
NOTHING changed. After all, you get along great. Don't overinterpret. :D
 
NO Shrink needed...SHE IS A TEENAGE GIRL!!!!

Hold on tight..its going to be a bumpy ride..but she sounds like a good kid..you will both survive..

Ren:D
 
With girls, at 15 it's (the insanity) almost over. With boys it comes on later and lasts longer,

Relax with any luck at all, she will soon turn into a real human.
 
I hear Alice Cooper is making a big comeback in the next year!
AC-Snake.jpg
K.V. Collucci said:
It's as simple as her being a teenager. I expect the same treatment from my biological daughters in a few years that you are experiencing now.
Click to expand...
 
I wouldn't worry. She probably struggled with the whole "dad" name when she was 13 because at that point she probably became fully aware that you are not her biological father.
This may have caused her stress and little guilt on her part about her calling you her "father".
What is more important is the fact that she subconcious does see you as her dad. She wouldn't call you "my dad" or "where is dad" if she didn't feels you are her dad.
But i guess she just feels a little arkward about the whole biological/actual
father problem.

Don't worry, don't push her, give her all your love, and she will get over it when she reaches the age where she herself could function as a parent. Then the whole biological factor will probably disappear.

Although some members downplayed your problem, the fact that you asked the question means that just like your daughter you have an subcontious reflex to worry about the biological factor.

What i would do is talk to her and ask her if you can call her "my daughter".
The use of "step-daughter" confronts her with the fact that you are not her biological father.

If you ask her permission to call her your "daughter" (she is ipso facto your daughter) she won't feel arkward to call you her dad after a while.

greetz
 
Mongo-man said:
I wouldn't worry. She probably struggled with the whole "dad" name when she was 13 because at that point she probably became fully aware that you are not her biological father.
This may have caused her stress and little guilt on her part about her calling you her "father".
What is more important is the fact that she subconcious does see you as her dad. She wouldn't call you "my dad" or "where is dad" if she didn't feels you are her dad.
But i guess she just feels a little arkward about the whole biological/actual
father problem.

Don't worry, don't push her, give her all your love, and she will get over it when she reaches the age where she herself could function as a parent. Then the whole biological factor will probably disappear.

Although some members downplayed your problem, the fact that you asked the question means that just like your daughter you have an subcontious reflex to worry about the biological factor.

What i would do is talk to her and ask her if you can call her "my daughter".
The use of "step-daughter" confronts her with the fact that you are not her biological father.

If you ask her permission to call her your "daughter" (she is ipso facto your daughter) she won't feel arkward to call you her dad after a while.

greetz
Click to expand...


I was about to respond but the above post mirrors nearly what I felt saying. I'm no expert nor active practioner/counselor but I did get the degree if it means anything. Consider me just as someone willing to listen and share some thoughts based on "looking deeper within".

Allow me to stress again the importance of making her feel how much she is loved and appreciated.
 
Don't worry about it if you have a teenager that is still talking to you , you are doing great. It will last until she is about 17 or a bit later. She might be thinking of meeting her bio father so it might be strange for her to call you dad. Give it a while if she doesn't start tell her that you would like her to call you dad more often.
 
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