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The BladeForums.com 2024 Traditional Knife is ready to order! See this thread for details: https://www.bladeforums.com/threads/bladeforums-2024-traditional-knife.2003187/
Price is$300$250 ea (shipped within CONUS). If you live outside the US, I will contact you after your order for extra shipping charges.
Order here: https://www.bladeforums.com/help/2024-traditional/ - Order as many as you like, we have plenty.
SAK joke
- Thread starter lonediver
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I've got the two bladed model for kayaking.lonediver said:
Okay now , we have the Swiss Army Knife , the Swiss Navy Knife . Have you ever heard of the French Army Knife ? An example can be seen at ;
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-frencharmyknife2.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-frencharmyknife2.htm
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
Are'nt these worth at least a chuckle from somebody .I will try another .
swiss army pocket knife
When you list your great armies of the world, correct me if I'm wrong, but the Swiss don't bayonet you in the belly as being a fighting outfit of extraordinary magnitude. In fact, as far as armies go, I rank them marginally behind the Cocos Islanders and the Italians on the formidability scale. "Cross our borders and we'll fix your watch" - not the sort of war cry that puts the fear of God into your average Russkie. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. Any country whose priorities lie entrenched in the notion that chocolate is a separate and essential food group, yodeling sounds okay, and sex should only be practised six times a day on those days of the week ending in "y" can't be all bad.
So taking their somewhat laid back attitudes towards defence as fact, who the hell are they trying to fool by marketing a product known proudly around the world as the Swiss Army pocket knife? The uninformed, the ignorant, maybe fans of the show "Gladiators". Perhaps. Perhaps, but not likely. I have another theory on the worldwide appeal of the Swiss Army Pocket Knife. It is entrenched in the very fact that the Swiss are peace loving folk. The Swiss Army Pocket Knife is the pacifist's knife.
Let's face it, if we're honest, even the word "knife" is possibly a bit of an overstatement. Gnarly vegetable peeler, or oversized lint tackler are both probably closer to the mark. The bastard can't even cut cheese, let alone bring down a grizzly. And the array of add-ons makes you wonder what the inventor was smoking when the prototype was in its development stage.
The magnifying glass is about as useful as the French guide to celibacy, and the wood saw hits its limitations when tackling balsa. The toothpick is far too fat, and the fish scaler, well, less said about that the better. Credit where credit is due - the cork screw and the bottle opener are handy additions to a list heavily biased toward the useless.
Anyway, back to my original point (in an all be it, roundabout sort of manner). The Death Kill Wilder beast Slayer Mark IV - now there's a knife. In the morning you can take it hunting and bring down a man eating gazelle, then at night you can use it to fillet same said gazelle before sleeping under the stars, using the still steaming carcass for a blanket - What a day. A day that the Swiss Army pocket knife would find it hard to deliver.
But that's okay. Okay, because market research has shown that the Swiss Army concept is catering for an entirely different sort of knife lover. The pacifist. Let's take a look at your average Swiss Army Pocket Knife owner. He/she fits into one of four broad categories.
1. The backpacker. A mangy twenty something who bought the knife on a whim before they left their country of origin. On average they've used the scissors to mull up thirty three times and the bottle opener came in handy once when they stumbled across half a dozen Crown Lagers left in the fridge of a hostel in Bali. The can opener has provided them with access to baked beans more times than they care to remember.
2. The computer geek. Usually owns the Champion (the fully optioned Swiss Army pocket knife), complete with leather pouch, that never leaves their side. They seem to find the most obscure uses for their little red buddy. "I think the overload diode needs replacing on your motherboard again Nigel. I'll just get at it with the Phillips head on big red".
3. The retired gentleman. The good word around the traps is that the Swiss Army Pocket Knife makes a fantastic retirement gift. The reasoning behind this theory is that it is a great tool for those who like to potter. And let's face it, the retired love to potter. It's additions, although almost totally useless to the able bodied person take on an even greater sense of worthlessness when confronted with the arthritic fingers of the retired gentleman.
4. Hippies. The true pacifists. Most hippies usually acquire their Swiss Army Pocket Knife at either a White Elephant sale in Nimbin, or through the barter system. Like the backpackers they will often wear the scissors out before they realise that the funny pointy add-on with a hole half way down its shaft is in fact a sewing needle. They are the only known group of users who wield both the large and small knives. These they use for carving small wooden flutes and toy boats for selling at above-mentioned white elephant sales.
So you can see that your Swiss Army Pocket Knife owner is not likely to try and bring down a Yak with their bare teeth. Nosireeee, they're far to busy fixing things or mulling up to worry about that. And the Swiss know that too. They've done their homework. They've provided a socially acceptable instrument of death and packaged it in a way that makes the pacifist jump for joy. The Swiss Army Pocket Knife bridges the chasm between the hunting knife and the butter knife, all with a pretty red wrapper.
swiss army pocket knife
When you list your great armies of the world, correct me if I'm wrong, but the Swiss don't bayonet you in the belly as being a fighting outfit of extraordinary magnitude. In fact, as far as armies go, I rank them marginally behind the Cocos Islanders and the Italians on the formidability scale. "Cross our borders and we'll fix your watch" - not the sort of war cry that puts the fear of God into your average Russkie. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. Any country whose priorities lie entrenched in the notion that chocolate is a separate and essential food group, yodeling sounds okay, and sex should only be practised six times a day on those days of the week ending in "y" can't be all bad.
So taking their somewhat laid back attitudes towards defence as fact, who the hell are they trying to fool by marketing a product known proudly around the world as the Swiss Army pocket knife? The uninformed, the ignorant, maybe fans of the show "Gladiators". Perhaps. Perhaps, but not likely. I have another theory on the worldwide appeal of the Swiss Army Pocket Knife. It is entrenched in the very fact that the Swiss are peace loving folk. The Swiss Army Pocket Knife is the pacifist's knife.
Let's face it, if we're honest, even the word "knife" is possibly a bit of an overstatement. Gnarly vegetable peeler, or oversized lint tackler are both probably closer to the mark. The bastard can't even cut cheese, let alone bring down a grizzly. And the array of add-ons makes you wonder what the inventor was smoking when the prototype was in its development stage.
The magnifying glass is about as useful as the French guide to celibacy, and the wood saw hits its limitations when tackling balsa. The toothpick is far too fat, and the fish scaler, well, less said about that the better. Credit where credit is due - the cork screw and the bottle opener are handy additions to a list heavily biased toward the useless.
Anyway, back to my original point (in an all be it, roundabout sort of manner). The Death Kill Wilder beast Slayer Mark IV - now there's a knife. In the morning you can take it hunting and bring down a man eating gazelle, then at night you can use it to fillet same said gazelle before sleeping under the stars, using the still steaming carcass for a blanket - What a day. A day that the Swiss Army pocket knife would find it hard to deliver.
But that's okay. Okay, because market research has shown that the Swiss Army concept is catering for an entirely different sort of knife lover. The pacifist. Let's take a look at your average Swiss Army Pocket Knife owner. He/she fits into one of four broad categories.
1. The backpacker. A mangy twenty something who bought the knife on a whim before they left their country of origin. On average they've used the scissors to mull up thirty three times and the bottle opener came in handy once when they stumbled across half a dozen Crown Lagers left in the fridge of a hostel in Bali. The can opener has provided them with access to baked beans more times than they care to remember.
2. The computer geek. Usually owns the Champion (the fully optioned Swiss Army pocket knife), complete with leather pouch, that never leaves their side. They seem to find the most obscure uses for their little red buddy. "I think the overload diode needs replacing on your motherboard again Nigel. I'll just get at it with the Phillips head on big red".
3. The retired gentleman. The good word around the traps is that the Swiss Army Pocket Knife makes a fantastic retirement gift. The reasoning behind this theory is that it is a great tool for those who like to potter. And let's face it, the retired love to potter. It's additions, although almost totally useless to the able bodied person take on an even greater sense of worthlessness when confronted with the arthritic fingers of the retired gentleman.
4. Hippies. The true pacifists. Most hippies usually acquire their Swiss Army Pocket Knife at either a White Elephant sale in Nimbin, or through the barter system. Like the backpackers they will often wear the scissors out before they realise that the funny pointy add-on with a hole half way down its shaft is in fact a sewing needle. They are the only known group of users who wield both the large and small knives. These they use for carving small wooden flutes and toy boats for selling at above-mentioned white elephant sales.
So you can see that your Swiss Army Pocket Knife owner is not likely to try and bring down a Yak with their bare teeth. Nosireeee, they're far to busy fixing things or mulling up to worry about that. And the Swiss know that too. They've done their homework. They've provided a socially acceptable instrument of death and packaged it in a way that makes the pacifist jump for joy. The Swiss Army Pocket Knife bridges the chasm between the hunting knife and the butter knife, all with a pretty red wrapper.
Boy , this is a tough audience . I cannot even get a chuckle out of you people . I will try one more .
December 5, 2003
Bern, Switzerland--
Switzerland Declares war on United States
At a press conference today Swiss president Pascal Couchepin announced that Americans had made fun of the Swiss army one too many times. He is quoted as saying, "They always make fun of us because of the Swiss army knife. Jokes about how our army only carries knives, or about our neutrality. I frankly will not put up for it anymore, and, America, you will soon find out that we have guns too."
In reponse President Bush said, "Switzerland, isn't that where they make those pocket knives?"
Military experts around the world are relieved that Switzerland is done being neutral all the time. William Henry, a military historian issued the following Statement, "Finally I will have something to do involving Switzerland, I guess that's a good thing."
The Swiss are currently backed by other frequently mocked nations including Canada, Scotland, Poland, Djibouti, and, most notably, France. None have yet given military support.
December 5, 2003
Bern, Switzerland--
Switzerland Declares war on United States
At a press conference today Swiss president Pascal Couchepin announced that Americans had made fun of the Swiss army one too many times. He is quoted as saying, "They always make fun of us because of the Swiss army knife. Jokes about how our army only carries knives, or about our neutrality. I frankly will not put up for it anymore, and, America, you will soon find out that we have guns too."
In reponse President Bush said, "Switzerland, isn't that where they make those pocket knives?"
Military experts around the world are relieved that Switzerland is done being neutral all the time. William Henry, a military historian issued the following Statement, "Finally I will have something to do involving Switzerland, I guess that's a good thing."
The Swiss are currently backed by other frequently mocked nations including Canada, Scotland, Poland, Djibouti, and, most notably, France. None have yet given military support.
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Hey Lonediver! That is some fantastic writing there! Is that post about the 4 categories of Swiss Army users your original writing? If so, you should consider getting something published, if you have'nt already! Keep up the Good Work!
As to this being a tough audience.......I've always heard that really good humor has it's basis in the truth and I'm afraid either you don't subscribe to that principle or else you really don't know a whole lot about SAKS or the Swiss Army.:footinmou
Larry S.
Larry S.