Smoke Request - just need some prayers

cmd

cmd

Joined
Feb 7, 2004
Messages
1,207
Hi folks,

I finally came through with a decent proof-of-concept folder, and then...

My wife (since May of '93) said that she has not found me attractive or has even liked me for more than 5 years. Ouch. She outwardly seems so happy, even now.

I suggested marriage counseling and we have started, but the big question right now is what each of our goals are. Mine is to hopefully improve our relationship, hers seems to let this be a way of easing in to divorce. We have 3 young children.

Our relationship has not been perfect, none are, but it seems that many years were spent with each and every little thing eating away at our foundation. Talked about, worked through, assumed, real, or distorted; it all was carefully tallied and used to verify some kind of resentment.

I accept my part in not being "in tune" enough to know this was happening. I'm not abusive or anything, just guilty of being dumb and happy.

I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE TO TRY TO FIX THIS PROBLEM.

But, your prayers will mean a lot.

Chris
 
Prayers are being said as I type this message, I have been fortunate to having a loving wife for 42 years now. But have seen the heartbreak of divorce up close and personal in the life of one of my children. The grandchildren suffer the most. Divorce never ends. School functions, birthday parties, Special occasions all are made VERY difficult by having two estranged parties at them. My grandchildren are pushed pillar to post, they have suffered, they blame themselves instead of their parents. I will continue to pray for you, if you need or want any material on staying together and rebuilding that relationship you once had. I will find the appropiate books and send them to you. Just send me an email or pm, with your address.
May God take care of you and your wife and get you both through this.

James
 
50% of Americans have this problem. Just something to think about. Just don't string along the kids. Not that you would.
 
incense2.gif
 
I'll go do a smoke shortly. and I'll put a stone in the basin for you next sunday when the flame is lit.

I do have to offer one bit, but it's almost a general life thing, and I use it with my 4 year old as much as anything- the thing is the "no negatives rule" where we agree to a week or ten days of saying nothing negative (even backhandedly) at all.
 
Smoke and prayers on the way,my friend-I hope everything turns out the way they need to.
 
Thank you all so very much. Your prayers and encouragement have been a great comfort and I belive have already made a difference.

My wife and I have gone to a couple of counselling sessions and it seems like we have taken the first step towards making our relationship stronger and a step away from divorce. It sounds odd but we are learning how to fight. Fight fair that is. You see, we don't fight at all. If I get upset she shuts down. If she gets upset it is not expressed. This is something that can be changed to improve things.

If we can keep taking these little steps, I feel confident we will have a solid marriage in the end.

Chris
 
I hope it works out for you Chris. Relationships problems almost always stem from lack of communication. One partner clamming up and the other being anxious to clear the air is a hard situation for both.

I know your not looking for advice but let me tell you this

From my own experience I was willing to bend over backwards to make a relationship with my ex-wife work for the sake of my Daughter. I was pretty much living a big lie for a year until one day I just snapped into the reality of what my life had become to keep a family together. My parents divorced when I was 9.

I remembered how happy I was, beleive it or not, thatmy parents went their seperate ways. They were both happier apart.

Do what you can to make it work, but dont lose yourself.... I know that sounds like some California feel-good bullcrap. You know what I mean hopefully.

Stay focused on the important isssues and dont let one argument run into another. Keep it on track.

Enough Doctor Mark babble.

Prayers for Your whole family
 
cmd said:
Hi folks,

I finally came through with a decent proof-of-concept folder, and then...

My wife (since May of '93) said that she has not found me attractive or has even liked me for more than 5 years. Ouch. She outwardly seems so happy, even now.

I suggested marriage counseling and we have started, but the big question right now is what each of our goals are. Mine is to hopefully improve our relationship, hers seems to let this be a way of easing in to divorce. We have 3 young children.

Our relationship has not been perfect, none are, but it seems that many years were spent with each and every little thing eating away at our foundation. Talked about, worked through, assumed, real, or distorted; it all was carefully tallied and used to verify some kind of resentment.

I accept my part in not being "in tune" enough to know this was happening. I'm not abusive or anything, just guilty of being dumb and happy.

I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE TO TRY TO FIX THIS PROBLEM.

But, your prayers will mean a lot.

Chris
Click to expand...


Prayers sent.
 
I hope the best out come for you both
take this for what it's worth,,,
mark hit it on the head about a couple one not talking while the other wants to. the wife and I are like that, and it would piss me off so bad when she wouldn't open up to me, like that would help much either.. but I found when she did I would just make it known I was right in what ever happened,, what an ass I was to her to do that, but she always took it.. that's some love she had for me
after the wife started into the change of life and the kids were out of the house (grown up) the empty nest syndrome set in, along with the hormonal problems that come with the life change for her., damn, then hell broke loose
I spent two years in a fight for my marriage, this I would guess loosing myself like mark mentioned, I can't even remember the two years other than a constant fight to keep us together, what I could to, not do, what she was planning to do, you name it,
I'm one of those cats that did change it's spots. and we got it back,
two years, most guys might not do that but at the time I had 24 years invested. and I didn't want it to end at least that way.. she got some help for the Hormonal things and I took blame where blame was do..

CMD I was a happy guy in a grove that seemed good , like you?
check and make full sure that your wife might not be going though the early stages of menopause my wife stared in her early mid forties.
I ask her now why some things happed the way they did and her only answer to it was it's wasn't me (her), it was like looking from the out side in.
hormone imbalance can change a gal right into somebody right evil sometimes with no thought to why,?


The last resort would be always have the last word,,, and that would be, yes dear..:)
in all seriousness.

Until the wife and I went through this, I would just wonder why so Many marriages don't make it while in their 40's and 50's think about that before it's to late guys :o just food for thought.. some pills are good..
I sure wish the best for you no matter the cause and out come..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top