- Joined
- Mar 10, 2002
- Messages
- 19,808
You know what to put on a hogs hurt leg?
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oinkment :thumbup:
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oinkment :thumbup:
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Some Good Advice
- Thread starter idahoskunk
- Start date
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2007
- Messages
- 1,415
What do you call a crafty pig?
CunningHAM.
CunningHAM.
- Joined
- May 31, 2005
- Messages
- 6,860
So a priest and a rabbi are on a plane together. The priest, feeling a bit holier-than-thou and a bit bored, decides he's going to mess with the rabbi. So he says, "Hey, let me ask you something: Is it true you can't eat pork at all?
"No." The rabbi answered. "We are restricted from any food made from pigs."
The priest grinned. "Wow. So no pork chops. No smoked shoulder. No pork roast. No sausage. No bacon. How can you stand it?"
"Well," the rabbi continued. "I must confess. One time, when I was about 18 and rebellious, I tried some bacon. And I felt very guilty afterward."
"So how was it?" the priest asked.
"It was divine. The saltiness and the oiliness. It was wonderful." replied the rabbi. "But let me ask you a question, my friend."
"Shoot" said the priest.
"It is said that Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy. Is that true?"
"Sure" said the priest. "It's something we priests take very seriously. We believe that Jesus was unmarried and that Paul, during his missionary journeys, was without a wife as well. We are honoring that."
"Fascinating," replied the Rabbi. "But tell me, have you ever had relations with a woman?"
The priests face grows very grim. He looks into his lap. "Yeah. I must confess. And I've never told anyone this. While I was in seminary, I met this girl. It was only one time. I could get into big trouble and it haunts me to this day. But yes, I had sexual relations."
The rabbi smiles, nods and leans in real close to the priest.
"Helluva sight better than bacon now, ain't it?"
"No." The rabbi answered. "We are restricted from any food made from pigs."
The priest grinned. "Wow. So no pork chops. No smoked shoulder. No pork roast. No sausage. No bacon. How can you stand it?"
"Well," the rabbi continued. "I must confess. One time, when I was about 18 and rebellious, I tried some bacon. And I felt very guilty afterward."
"So how was it?" the priest asked.
"It was divine. The saltiness and the oiliness. It was wonderful." replied the rabbi. "But let me ask you a question, my friend."
"Shoot" said the priest.
"It is said that Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy. Is that true?"
"Sure" said the priest. "It's something we priests take very seriously. We believe that Jesus was unmarried and that Paul, during his missionary journeys, was without a wife as well. We are honoring that."
"Fascinating," replied the Rabbi. "But tell me, have you ever had relations with a woman?"
The priests face grows very grim. He looks into his lap. "Yeah. I must confess. And I've never told anyone this. While I was in seminary, I met this girl. It was only one time. I could get into big trouble and it haunts me to this day. But yes, I had sexual relations."
The rabbi smiles, nods and leans in real close to the priest.
"Helluva sight better than bacon now, ain't it?"
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2004
- Messages
- 2,512
A man called the church office one day and said, "Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?"
The secretary, highly offended, said, "If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor' or 'Brother,' but you may certainly NOT refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough!'"
The man said, "Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to your church's building fund, but..."
"Hold on," the secretary quickly replied, "the big fat hog just walked in."
The secretary, highly offended, said, "If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor' or 'Brother,' but you may certainly NOT refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough!'"
The man said, "Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to your church's building fund, but..."
"Hold on," the secretary quickly replied, "the big fat hog just walked in."