Some guys have all the fun...

rasret01

rasret01

Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
153
:D Something my brother sent to me...



AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
　
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!
　
 
Good one. You can't fix stupid, but you can sure as hell cause them pain.

Thanks good post, Fred
 
Too bad he wasn't carrying the small size of the IG's HTR.

If the old East Indians carried a pouch of pepper in their pocket why couldn't we have a small tube of IG's HTR at hand?

Hum... I wonder if the juice off the HTR would pump through a spray bottle?
 
WA Martin said:
Too bad he wasn't carrying the small size of the IG's HTR.

If the old East Indians carried a pouch of pepper in their pocket why couldn't we have a small tube of IG's HTR at hand?

Hum... I wonder if the juice off the HTR would pump through a spray bottle?
Click to expand...

Hum!!!! How about a squirt gun?????? The Ghost Chilies would even be better.:eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
We should just get some small toothpaste tubes of it. Knock 'em to the ground and squirt it in their mouth like a diabetic and their glucose paste.

I don't know why I'm in such a vengeful mood tonight... But I was also thinking that one should always have some with them when they eat out somewhere where the bums hang outside the front door and ask for the leftovers. You could always mix it in and warn them it's spicy and them give it too them just before you hop in the cab...
 
Its called pepper spray guys.

On a side note my late wife worked for a company that made and distributed Counter Assault, one of the first of the pepper sprays. We had a bunch of the stuff. She carried a bigger can of it between the drivers seat and the center console of the Explorer. One day I was driving to a nearby city to pick up my mom from the train and decided to buckle my seat belt while going down the freeway. I felt something wet on my leg then wow. Glad I had the window down. Pulled over and aired out the car. It had shot down my leg and onto the dash. I cleaned up the car as best I could and went to a McCrappers in the next town and washed my leg and pants. My leg had little blisters by then and I hardly have delicate skin.
 
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