I was raised going to church and a private Christian school. This waned as the years went on and eventually I stopped going to both. Never once did I believe in the divine / mystical concepts of what I was being taught.
To this day, I still do not. I don't believe in the concept of divinity, God, a creator etc. I am not completely sure what I feel in regards to say, the existence of our universe, but I don't feel I believe in the Christian view.
Today was my second day at a reformed baptist church. I went last Sunday as well. Two people had stopped by my place on a door to door thing and I had a nice conversation with them and told them I'd stop by and check things out. I've enjoyed myself greatly both times and today their was a guest preacher with a very powerful style.
Prettymuch everything that is said in that building I agree with. The need to kill off our pride and become humble peoples, that commiting sinful actions never results in increased positivity in ourselves, that we are inheritly imperfect, that we are not to judge our fellow man, that actions tell more than appearance or spoken words, the importance of honesty and simplicity, offering help to all we come across, turning the other cheek at those who do us wrong....I think you get the idea.
Basically I have no disagreements with the vast majority of the moral teachings of The Bible and Christianity. However, I still do not believe in God nor do I feel I am going to. I have on more than one occaison, given what I feel an honest, fully-hearted attempt to seek him out or request a place for him in my life. I feel nothing. I hear nothing. I believe nothing.
Sometime soon I am going to set aside a day devoted to seeking out God. It's an odd position I'm in, being in agreement with the religion so much but defying the very thing that its core depicts, accepting Christ.
I don't even know why I'm attempting to seek out God. A big part of me just wants answers and knowledge to everything. Another part sees it as a challenge in certain ways. I feel maybe I am going about it for the wrong reasons. But it's hard to feel genuine about something you feel isn't true to begin with, no?
Like today we were discussing in general how through Christ we become more like him and therefore become better, more wholesome people. I see myself doing this on my own and I feel I'm doing decent, though of course I have not, and will not reach perfection in any area I strive in. The possibility has occured to me that assuming God is indeed out there, maybe I have not fully given up on the idea that I am all I need, that I can improve myself to satisfaction etc. That despite my humble nature, I've failed to reach true humility within myself as I still hold my person in high esteem in regards to what I feel capable of doing. At the same time though I recognize my limitations, how despite the remarkable progress I've made with my temper, I will never have complete control over my anger. How I will never be perfect in ANY aspect of my life.
I want to give it a chance, I see no reason not to give it an honest shot. If I end up not believing after doing so, I'll be at no loss compared to where I was before. If anything, church will offer me knowledge about one of the worlds most powerful schools of thought, moral principles to live by and some insightful people willing to discuss life with me.
To this day, I still do not. I don't believe in the concept of divinity, God, a creator etc. I am not completely sure what I feel in regards to say, the existence of our universe, but I don't feel I believe in the Christian view.
Today was my second day at a reformed baptist church. I went last Sunday as well. Two people had stopped by my place on a door to door thing and I had a nice conversation with them and told them I'd stop by and check things out. I've enjoyed myself greatly both times and today their was a guest preacher with a very powerful style.
Prettymuch everything that is said in that building I agree with. The need to kill off our pride and become humble peoples, that commiting sinful actions never results in increased positivity in ourselves, that we are inheritly imperfect, that we are not to judge our fellow man, that actions tell more than appearance or spoken words, the importance of honesty and simplicity, offering help to all we come across, turning the other cheek at those who do us wrong....I think you get the idea.
Basically I have no disagreements with the vast majority of the moral teachings of The Bible and Christianity. However, I still do not believe in God nor do I feel I am going to. I have on more than one occaison, given what I feel an honest, fully-hearted attempt to seek him out or request a place for him in my life. I feel nothing. I hear nothing. I believe nothing.
Sometime soon I am going to set aside a day devoted to seeking out God. It's an odd position I'm in, being in agreement with the religion so much but defying the very thing that its core depicts, accepting Christ.
I don't even know why I'm attempting to seek out God. A big part of me just wants answers and knowledge to everything. Another part sees it as a challenge in certain ways. I feel maybe I am going about it for the wrong reasons. But it's hard to feel genuine about something you feel isn't true to begin with, no?
Like today we were discussing in general how through Christ we become more like him and therefore become better, more wholesome people. I see myself doing this on my own and I feel I'm doing decent, though of course I have not, and will not reach perfection in any area I strive in. The possibility has occured to me that assuming God is indeed out there, maybe I have not fully given up on the idea that I am all I need, that I can improve myself to satisfaction etc. That despite my humble nature, I've failed to reach true humility within myself as I still hold my person in high esteem in regards to what I feel capable of doing. At the same time though I recognize my limitations, how despite the remarkable progress I've made with my temper, I will never have complete control over my anger. How I will never be perfect in ANY aspect of my life.
I want to give it a chance, I see no reason not to give it an honest shot. If I end up not believing after doing so, I'll be at no loss compared to where I was before. If anything, church will offer me knowledge about one of the worlds most powerful schools of thought, moral principles to live by and some insightful people willing to discuss life with me.
