tall tales thread

DannyinJapan

DannyinJapan

Joined
Oct 9, 2003
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One time I wuz huntin in arfica cause my daady ones a piece of land their.
Anyweigh, there was this wild animal called a hernia that came into owr camp and tried to steal our snausages.
I saw him frist and thu my kukeri at him.
The kukrui bounced off a tree and came back at me.
I cot it mith my fingers and thru it again.
It stuck in his neck and fell over ded.
I didnt bring back any trophies tho cuz we werent allowed to cause of the war.

anyoby else got a good kukuri story?
 
Wel, I doan't liek too brag, but I keeep my kukerise purty shrap if you now what I meen. I'ts a good thing two as this storie Im' aboot to relat maks cleer. I was drieving my Lamborgeehnei on tihs twistee mauntin rode wen I cam awrond a coarner and almos ran in two a overtured semi trunk carrieing a lode of hot dogs. I slamed my breaks and screacht to a holt. But not befour I plaud in to a mountin of frankfruiters. my widows where down so the interrier of the car was inumbdaded with weiners. I cudnt' even breath let alon sea. So I puled my trustee kukerie aut adn usedd it to chaup all thos weiners in haf. they din't feel nothing as they oanly suferd for 2-4 secends. After I cleard a patth i wint to the semi and sawed the drivur was enjerd. I tuk him two the hopsital in my Lamborgeehnei adn teh docters sad if it wasint for me he wuld have dyed. I toad them i'ts awl in a daze wurk.

--Josh
 
I was asleep and I went into this long, dark hallway with a bright light at the end, and I walked toward it, and someone grabbed my shoulder a loud voice said "ignore The Light!"
 
Bill Martino said:
I'm waiting for the "I cut an elephane in two -- lengthwise -- "
Click to expand...


I don't know about a elephants but one night I went swimming with my 25" Chit and this mean Blue Whale came along so I... ;) :rolleyes: :D
 
I hesitated to post this. But, my friends decided to post it anyway despit my reticense my friends. My dog is a lab and she loves to eat weiners and Well last night I was out back and it was late and no one was around so we wet for a walk.
know, I've been their and don't want to go back their but I wet for a walk and their was a rotweiler they're like majic. If you break something like a bone you go to an dentist, but I had a kukri in mey hand and prayong lik I was back IN New ORleaans, swung my kukri and cut in right in half. :D
KNow, this is UB forum, so lets not talk about kukris. :D But, as long as you perservere you will make it I did and now what IM talkung about.
Their is hope The point is that you get help when you need it and my kkuri was what I needed and I had a hot dog. ANd when I swung my hot dog, I cut my kukurri right in half WhAM!
ANd all that whas left was his rear legs and I ate icream and waited for the bright clouds that high sky left me when I cry Blu ters of solicitude for those who hav none.
 
Of course there was this time I crawled into a hole to get away from a mountain lion and the lion came up and reeched in with is pause and started pulling my leg, like I been pullin yers.;) :D
 
Bobwhite said:
What happened to the lion? Did you cut him in half with a hot dog? ;)
Click to expand...
Naw, it was a lot simpler than that. He pulled my leg so hard that I farted and blew his head plumb off!:rolleyes: :D ;)
 
It was '68, yeah, that's right, and I was in the 'Nam see, yeah, and out in the bush. No, not "in the rear with the gear and algore", but the real bush. We was trailing some Cong who had just raided our firebase; we was gonna get some REAL payback if you know what I mean, cuz in addition to a bunch of ammo and supplies, they had taken all our MRE's AND a full crate of our hot dogs! Low down hot dog stealin' sumbitches!

Well, like I said, we was all out in the bush and we all were armed real good, but I had my special custom Him-a-layan Exports 40" Bura Chiruwa Chitlangi with genuine tyrannosaurus bone handle in tooled white rhino hide scabbard with lotsa rhinestones for looks; I'm a big fan of that guy Bura, he really knows how to build 'em. It comes with a desanguinatin' blood groove down the back called "The Sword of Sheba" for those in the real know like me.

Lucky for me I'm 6'11" and a buff 300 lbs. as the blade tip pretty much drug on the ground, but hey, no such thing as too much blade when ya need it!, and I had a feelin' we was REALLY going to need it!

So, there we was out in the bush. You stay-at-home wimpy wimps shoulda seen it! We snuck up on Charlie real good; they were sittin' around eatin' rice balls in nuk ma fish sauce and roastin' weiners and feedin' them to their dogs, and you could smell 'em a mile away (they were Ball Park Franks and were really plumpin' when they got cooked.) Well, while the rest of the squad was gettin' ready to attack this bunch, I just unlimbered the old monster khuk and let fly! I wasn't going to waste no ammo on these lowdown so 'n so's, and besides, I didn't want what was left of the hot dogs to get blasted by a bunch of hot dog hungry trigger happy sojers!

Well, since I was so expert, that 40" blade went singin' and swingin's across the clearing and decapitated every one of those hot dog eatin' commies, swinging around in a circle and dropping 'em all like Fidel Castro droppin' a cheap Tiparillo, and then like one of them aussie boomerangs swinging right back around to me (all gory and drippin' hot dog juice and VC blood), where I caught it real easy with one hand and then holstered it with just a two-fingered flip into the scabbard. You all should a seen it!, and marveled at my mastery of the khuk blade! But, you all probably wouldn't understand, cuz you need to have the real Bullshido Code of the Sammuri to understand how it is to live and DIE by your khuk, and you guys are just a bunch of wannabe khuks collectors, or something.

Yeah, I was there in the s__t alright! They were all so impressed they made me join Seal Team 8 and show them how to decap commies with my Big Bura Bullshido Blade, and of course I won the Silver Star and DFC and a bunch of other awards they only give to REAL sojers like me.

That's how it went down for sure, and no lie man! It was quite an adventure, and I LIVED to tell it! Now, when I got back to the World and outta the bush, my girlfriend Morgan Fairchild, yeah!, that's right, Morgan Fairchild, well Morgan and I and were on my yacht, yeah!, my yacht, and this huge land shark was attackin' us, so I grabbed my big Bura khuk...

(to be continued!)

Norm (aka the "Frank N' Furter Fighter!") ;) :D
 
As ewe all no Im a derect desendantof Doc VanHelsing and I jus got back from covert Omega Group misson. well EYE can't say wear we was, bvut I brought my trustee Bura made BAS in a spring loaded sheath up my sleeve. We drooped into the middle of a grope of sarasins smokin' whokas. I wuz fisrt to strike executing the deadlee japaknees movement known as the aiai it split him frum hip to soldier. Then my groope jumped into our AC-140 bilt own alien teknoledgee and flu back to our lare in da sewers of brokelynn, to feast on hotdawgs and Schlitz mixed with cocoknut rum. :barf:

- D
 
won day i wuz settin round my hot dog powerd forge. I wuz thinkin "gee, im a real fan a dat bura, but as seein how im a boner fide geen-e-us, i figgere i cud make myself a xcellent marketable item" Sew i threw a pack a kosher franks on da flame and had mi dawg set about dry humpin da bellows. i forged myself a geenuene neepaly kikooree. dat silly bura, im hes fan n all, but he kwenches with a tee kettle. I tried rubbn da kettle on da blade but it didnt git cooler! I finally qwenched the edge in some hot dogs. da salty dogs git the edge hard and cook up gret. ma sillee dawg was still humpin da bellows agresivelee, so i cut him im half. my kinfolk brothers sun was watchin an all he say was "waow kool" the dogs wus still warm frum da qwench so we set bout ettin them, then my nefew was fixin to git gressive so i cut him n haf and got my hot dog back. i hook up mi fancy intermanet box to tell folks about my stoees and they is meen too mee! i reelized i shudnt a kilt mi dawg cuz now thers nubudy t luv me! so i fashined a nu dawg out o hot dawgs and i gits the best luvin a both werlds!
 
Well, at least we now have a sample of your writing if we ever think one of you is a closet troll...

<ducking>
 
jest too weeks ago nasty and me wuz drinking koolade and schlitz in my backyard. This hungry bear came into the yard lookin for some rainiers beere but we only had the bull. nasty ran and started crying inside the howse, buti turned and swung my kobra at him.
it knowcked his head clean off and i used the chardma to make him into hot dogs for me an nasty.
 
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:D That's enough now Danny...I just finished cleaning the cookie crumbs out of my keyboard...
 
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