- Joined
- Feb 3, 2001
- Messages
- 32,359
> I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
> your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel
> safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
> Because of your concern...
>
> I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked
> with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water
> buffalo on a hot day.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume
> sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are Actually Al
> Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> troops.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
> number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will
> turn me gay.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
> freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys
and
> leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward
> an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has
been
> dying for the past seven years.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the
> $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
> special e-mail program.
>
>
>
> I will now return the favor.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
> seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm
and
> the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will
> occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's
> neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.
> your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel
> safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
> Because of your concern...
>
> I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked
> with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water
> buffalo on a hot day.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume
> sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are Actually Al
> Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> troops.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
> number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will
> turn me gay.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
> freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys
and
> leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward
> an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has
been
> dying for the past seven years.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the
> $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
> special e-mail program.
>
>
>
> I will now return the favor.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
> seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm
and
> the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will
> occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's
> neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.
