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- Jul 22, 2011
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With the recent release of the BK21 I thought I would post this. 
THE NIGHT BEFORE HANKMAS
by Hank Reinhardt
Twas the Night before Hankmas, and all through the castle
Not a warrior was stirring, not even to wrestle,
The swords were hung in their scabbards with care,
For fear that old Grendel soon would be there.
The warriors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of rapine danced in their heads.
With Conan in plate, and me in my mail,
We both settled down to hold wassail.
When out from the court there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our chairs to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows we flew like flashes, tore open the shutters,
And threw up the sashes.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of Faerie to objects below.
When what to our startled eyes should appear,
But a ten-foot troll, in warlike gear!
With a seven-foot mace with a head like a trendle,
We knew in a moment that is MUST be Grendel!
More rapid than eagles, the Wolf brothers came,
Grendel danced and shouted and called them by name.
Ho Hewlin, Ho Torgutai, Ho Eric the Black,
Ill crush you all, and break Irongrims back!
Over the shields, under the shields and through the shield wall,
Ill never stop killing till Ive killed them all.
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle and mount to the sky,
So through the castle the Wolf brothers flew.
Then Conan charged, and he flew too!
And then in a twinkle I leapt to the floor,
And Grendel charged, his club like a door!
Ulric, you dog! he grave a great bound
And that giant of a mace came spinning around.
I ducked my head and spun to the side,
Had I not done so, I would have soon died.
The great club shattered, with the force of the blow,
And I leapt and roared and closed with my foe.
He was dirty matted fur from his head to his foot,
His teeth were yellow, with a tongue black as soot.
He seized me quickly around my back;
He squeezed and laughed and thought I would crack.
But I laughed and howled with a warriors glee,
Gripped his arms, and soon I was free
He twisted and turned and howled and fought,
But all his struggles soon came to nought.
I let loose one arm, and grabbed the other.
He yelled and prayed and called for his mother.
I tugged and tugged with might and main.
He gurgled and gurgled and moaned with pain.
I heaved, and spun, and he flew like a rocket,
And I tore his arm off, right at the socket!
He screamed and yelled and fell to the floor,
Bounced like a ball, and dashed through the door.
The Hall was now free from its fearsome taint,
But the walls were red with a strange new paint.
I felt no sorrow for the ten-foot troll.
Ulrics humor is known to be droll.
For the monster realized, as he died in his cave,
That Ulric is a disarming knave.
THE NIGHT BEFORE HANKMAS
by Hank Reinhardt
Twas the Night before Hankmas, and all through the castle
Not a warrior was stirring, not even to wrestle,
The swords were hung in their scabbards with care,
For fear that old Grendel soon would be there.
The warriors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of rapine danced in their heads.
With Conan in plate, and me in my mail,
We both settled down to hold wassail.
When out from the court there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our chairs to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows we flew like flashes, tore open the shutters,
And threw up the sashes.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of Faerie to objects below.
When what to our startled eyes should appear,
But a ten-foot troll, in warlike gear!
With a seven-foot mace with a head like a trendle,
We knew in a moment that is MUST be Grendel!
More rapid than eagles, the Wolf brothers came,
Grendel danced and shouted and called them by name.
Ho Hewlin, Ho Torgutai, Ho Eric the Black,
Ill crush you all, and break Irongrims back!
Over the shields, under the shields and through the shield wall,
Ill never stop killing till Ive killed them all.
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle and mount to the sky,
So through the castle the Wolf brothers flew.
Then Conan charged, and he flew too!
And then in a twinkle I leapt to the floor,
And Grendel charged, his club like a door!
Ulric, you dog! he grave a great bound
And that giant of a mace came spinning around.
I ducked my head and spun to the side,
Had I not done so, I would have soon died.
The great club shattered, with the force of the blow,
And I leapt and roared and closed with my foe.
He was dirty matted fur from his head to his foot,
His teeth were yellow, with a tongue black as soot.
He seized me quickly around my back;
He squeezed and laughed and thought I would crack.
But I laughed and howled with a warriors glee,
Gripped his arms, and soon I was free
He twisted and turned and howled and fought,
But all his struggles soon came to nought.
I let loose one arm, and grabbed the other.
He yelled and prayed and called for his mother.
I tugged and tugged with might and main.
He gurgled and gurgled and moaned with pain.
I heaved, and spun, and he flew like a rocket,
And I tore his arm off, right at the socket!
He screamed and yelled and fell to the floor,
Bounced like a ball, and dashed through the door.
The Hall was now free from its fearsome taint,
But the walls were red with a strange new paint.
I felt no sorrow for the ten-foot troll.
Ulrics humor is known to be droll.
For the monster realized, as he died in his cave,
That Ulric is a disarming knave.
