Buzzbait
Gold Member
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2001
- Messages
- 6,697
This is a follow-up to my amazing informative post from last year.
http://www.bladeforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=184156&highlight=the+sum I consider it to be required reading for this thread, as I will only be expanding upon the great truths and wisdom of my previous writings. People who ask questions, without first reading the other post, will be flogged with a leather lanyard.
So what prompts me to right this? First off, Im a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. Trolls have me chewing on my thumb studs, and this years excessively long and cold winter has given me the worst case of cabin fever in history. I also quit smoking, am having a nicotine fit, and feel the need to rant and rant. Im losing it. I figure that I better spew out the last of my knowledge before I impale myself on a Delica Trainer. So here goes .
1. Dont get a Sebenza. Dont even think about it. It doesnt matter whether the knife is any good or not. An across the board boycott of Sebenzas should end all Sebenza posts, preventing flames, trolls, chubby girl jokes, jabs at G2s woody in his pants, and the infernal tip-up/tip-down battle against gravity. If you want to do a service to mankind, ignore all of the Sebenzas exceptional qualities, and buy a Swiss Army Knife. A Swiss Army knife wont accidentally open in your pocket. A SAK wont abrade your finger, because it has no thumb stud. The scales wont dent, because theyre made of plastic. The SAK is the superior folder, and costs only 1/10th the cost of a Sebenza. But if you do get a Seb, get a large Classic model, because it rocks!!!!
2. What the heck is wrong with me? Stag is the wonder scale. Stag is the material that makes living worthwhile. Stag is better to feel than the buttery smooth buttocks skin of a supermodel. And as good as stag is, today Im carrying a G-10 handled folder, a plastic handled SAK and a steel handled Leatherman. Somebody grab a deer horn and skewer me with it. At least I wont forget my stag next time I leave the house, if its permanently lodged in my kidney. Dont destine yourself to the same fate as I. Just grab a stag handled knife and keep it in your pocket.
3. I did terrible things this year. Ive been a bad boy. I did not listen to Doris, and purchased other medium sized fixed blades. I traded for a Camillus Talon, and grabbed a couple of new Marbles. Doris is about ready to abandon me!!!! She is pissed. I even bought another Dozier, which really ticked her off. I better get her a Valentines Day card and some chocolate coated Tuff Cloth. If you every think about buying a stag handled Dozier, beware. They dont physically require a lot of maintenance, but they ARE high maintenance, just like blondes!!!
4. The voice of Doris, which forever echoes in my head, continues to offer advice on knife purchases. Unfortunately, I believe that she has a personal agenda. She always recommends slipjoints. She also advises the purchase of delrin handles. She always insists on simple carbon steels. She always recommends knives that look nothing like her!!! Now Ive got 432 new Old Timers. I suggest that you buy the same. The Old Timer is actually kind of handy.
5. Also, I decided last year to get Doris a leather sheath. Then Bob Dozier jumped in and made me a new Kydex Wilderness style sheath for her. The Wilderness style sheath is probably the most functional sheath known to man. Im 100% content to carry my knife in the best sheath ever made, but Doris is not happy. She wants leather. Do you get your girlfriend the dress she likes, or do you go with your gut and make her wear the skimpy black dress that you like? I dont know what to do.
6. Dont take up whittling. Yes, its fun. Yes, it teaches you many things about knives. Yes, whittling brings great satisfaction for a job well done. But .. Youll just piss off your loved ones. My last ball-in-cage took 16 hours to whittle. My wife yelled that I was ignoring my daily chores, and refused to understand that whittling was far more important than menial housework. Then my wife tries to whittle her own ball-in-cage, and just about severs her index finger. I break out the Super Glue to seal the wound, and accidentally glue two of her fingers together in the process. You wouldnt believe the doo-doo I caught for that little escapade!!!
7. Buy ugly knives if youre married. At the least, buy an ugly knife every time you buy a good looking knife. When the box arrives, only let your wife see the ugly knife. Ive lost more good looking knives to my wife than I care to admit.
8. Heres a little known secret. Keith Montgomery is actually a computer program, written by Spark to increase BladeForums hit count. Nobody could actually have over 7000 posts!!! Who is this Spark guy trying to fool? Nobody is pulling the sheep horn over my eyes.
9. Im a filthy liar. I tell everybody to buy wet/dry paper to sharpen their convex ground knives. It doesnt work. I just say this to get kickbacks from all of the wet/dry paper manufacturers. Yeah, thats it. Listen to the magazine writers who insist that sharpening a convex grind requires some exotic power tool. Theyre the experts, so they must be right.
Thats all for now. I have to go home now, and give Doris a little TLC.
http://www.bladeforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=184156&highlight=the+sum I consider it to be required reading for this thread, as I will only be expanding upon the great truths and wisdom of my previous writings. People who ask questions, without first reading the other post, will be flogged with a leather lanyard.
So what prompts me to right this? First off, Im a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. Trolls have me chewing on my thumb studs, and this years excessively long and cold winter has given me the worst case of cabin fever in history. I also quit smoking, am having a nicotine fit, and feel the need to rant and rant. Im losing it. I figure that I better spew out the last of my knowledge before I impale myself on a Delica Trainer. So here goes .
1. Dont get a Sebenza. Dont even think about it. It doesnt matter whether the knife is any good or not. An across the board boycott of Sebenzas should end all Sebenza posts, preventing flames, trolls, chubby girl jokes, jabs at G2s woody in his pants, and the infernal tip-up/tip-down battle against gravity. If you want to do a service to mankind, ignore all of the Sebenzas exceptional qualities, and buy a Swiss Army Knife. A Swiss Army knife wont accidentally open in your pocket. A SAK wont abrade your finger, because it has no thumb stud. The scales wont dent, because theyre made of plastic. The SAK is the superior folder, and costs only 1/10th the cost of a Sebenza. But if you do get a Seb, get a large Classic model, because it rocks!!!!
2. What the heck is wrong with me? Stag is the wonder scale. Stag is the material that makes living worthwhile. Stag is better to feel than the buttery smooth buttocks skin of a supermodel. And as good as stag is, today Im carrying a G-10 handled folder, a plastic handled SAK and a steel handled Leatherman. Somebody grab a deer horn and skewer me with it. At least I wont forget my stag next time I leave the house, if its permanently lodged in my kidney. Dont destine yourself to the same fate as I. Just grab a stag handled knife and keep it in your pocket.
3. I did terrible things this year. Ive been a bad boy. I did not listen to Doris, and purchased other medium sized fixed blades. I traded for a Camillus Talon, and grabbed a couple of new Marbles. Doris is about ready to abandon me!!!! She is pissed. I even bought another Dozier, which really ticked her off. I better get her a Valentines Day card and some chocolate coated Tuff Cloth. If you every think about buying a stag handled Dozier, beware. They dont physically require a lot of maintenance, but they ARE high maintenance, just like blondes!!!
4. The voice of Doris, which forever echoes in my head, continues to offer advice on knife purchases. Unfortunately, I believe that she has a personal agenda. She always recommends slipjoints. She also advises the purchase of delrin handles. She always insists on simple carbon steels. She always recommends knives that look nothing like her!!! Now Ive got 432 new Old Timers. I suggest that you buy the same. The Old Timer is actually kind of handy.
5. Also, I decided last year to get Doris a leather sheath. Then Bob Dozier jumped in and made me a new Kydex Wilderness style sheath for her. The Wilderness style sheath is probably the most functional sheath known to man. Im 100% content to carry my knife in the best sheath ever made, but Doris is not happy. She wants leather. Do you get your girlfriend the dress she likes, or do you go with your gut and make her wear the skimpy black dress that you like? I dont know what to do.
6. Dont take up whittling. Yes, its fun. Yes, it teaches you many things about knives. Yes, whittling brings great satisfaction for a job well done. But .. Youll just piss off your loved ones. My last ball-in-cage took 16 hours to whittle. My wife yelled that I was ignoring my daily chores, and refused to understand that whittling was far more important than menial housework. Then my wife tries to whittle her own ball-in-cage, and just about severs her index finger. I break out the Super Glue to seal the wound, and accidentally glue two of her fingers together in the process. You wouldnt believe the doo-doo I caught for that little escapade!!!
7. Buy ugly knives if youre married. At the least, buy an ugly knife every time you buy a good looking knife. When the box arrives, only let your wife see the ugly knife. Ive lost more good looking knives to my wife than I care to admit.
8. Heres a little known secret. Keith Montgomery is actually a computer program, written by Spark to increase BladeForums hit count. Nobody could actually have over 7000 posts!!! Who is this Spark guy trying to fool? Nobody is pulling the sheep horn over my eyes.
9. Im a filthy liar. I tell everybody to buy wet/dry paper to sharpen their convex ground knives. It doesnt work. I just say this to get kickbacks from all of the wet/dry paper manufacturers. Yeah, thats it. Listen to the magazine writers who insist that sharpening a convex grind requires some exotic power tool. Theyre the experts, so they must be right.
Thats all for now. I have to go home now, and give Doris a little TLC.
