This is too funny not to send-to all the GREAT HUNTERS

Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Messages
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Names have been omitted to protect the stupid!

An actual letter from someone who writes and farms.

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that,
since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much
fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up
and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4
feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and
toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport
it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.

They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a
likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my
rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension
on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action
when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no
controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off
my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me
that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had
originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much
stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few
minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing
out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for
corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end
of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it
would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was
no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the
thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various
large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think
clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared
some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I
didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get
it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I
had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope
back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised
when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of
my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head
--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my
right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on
their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and
their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes
at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing
to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards
the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would
not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice
as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it
hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on
you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.
 
This made me think of a great video I saw of a guy who thought that a seemingly tame moose eating grass next to his porch could be bareback ridden like a horse. He hopped on its back and was on the pavement 20 feet away within 2 seconds.
 
hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I love this story
 
That's great! Here's the rest of the story, for what it's worth:

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I
had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt
broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding
in a few places, though my insulated jacket had protected me from most
of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op.
I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell.

The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out
yelling "what happened?"
I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an
individual from roping a deer.
I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely.
Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go
to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to
twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear...not
wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no
part in my response.
I told him "I was attacked by a deer".
I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was
all over my body.
Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me
and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked
him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home
on my own. He did. Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my
house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer
attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the
event.
I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could.
I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and
just started kicking the hel l out of me and BIT me.
EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the
co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in
the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried
rifles when they filled their feeders.
I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I
have enough troubles without them snickering behind my back and
whispering "there's the dumbass that tried to rope the deer."
 
...............
funny.jpg
 
Phill
I like that haha.. :D


to add
here in Maine we do have some strict laws concerning
keeping wild game hostage :D
 
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