- Joined
- Jun 29, 2007
- Messages
- 4,698
Trent's 1st knife was a blue Camillus Cub Scout camper style knife (WITH can opener, of course). He sold it on EBAY last year like a retard. This was before he realized he was gonna start COLLECTING knives. He is pained by that fateful decision every day.
His 2nd knife is a Pastor Aleman switchblade style knife he smuggled into the US via Tijuana. It's whereabouts are unknown to this day.
The 3rd knife he owned is sitting on his ranch in Colorado. Somewhere. Buried in the filed next to the spring. Or lost to the mighty Conejos River. He lost it there about 25 years ago. He plans to buy a metal detector at the Alamosa Wal-Mart and try and find it. He thinks he can narrow it down to about a 75 yd radius. He believes it is a Western L40 with correct sheath. After he his done using the metal detector he is going to return it to Wal-Mart and buy one of their cheap Gerber Mini Paraframe knives for $7.99.
The following is the saga of his 4th knife. It resides in his fixed blade display case. Well, really it's just a kitchen silverware wooden case. He likes the red felt I guess.
The year was 1982. The dome theater near Monkey Wards in Pleasant Hill. 14 yr. old Trenton Ulysses Rock had his mom drop him and his buddy off at the movie theater to see First Blood. What a movie he thought! Action. Car chases. An overweight Brian Dennehy. Helicopters. Doberman's getting shanked. and THE Knife. What the hell kind of knife is that?!! Wait. It has a compartment for a thread and needle in the pommel too? Sweet.
After seeing that movie Trent became fascinated with survivalism. He checked out all the books on survivalism he could find at his school's library. He bought a book called Bushcraft. He bought a book called The National Outdoor Leadership School's Wilderness Guide. He couldn't wait to go camping and use his new founded skills. But first he need a SURVIVAL knife. Like Johnny Rambo had. With saw teeth on the back.
He picked up his trusty The Sportsman Guide catalog. They kept sending him a copy every month since he bought some Chinese throwing stars a few years earlier. They were actually thick, sheet metal cutouts with some form of chroming. He paid $4.99 for 3 of them. He went in his garage and got a can of red spray paint. He painted a square about 6 inches by 6 inches on
the inside of his wooden garage door. Target practice time!!! Well, Mom gets home about 4:30 and hears "THUD!!!...Thud!!!...Thud!!" when she pulls in the driveway. She wasn't to pleased with his new mail order "toys". His dad was more concerned about the damage to the garage door and inherent devaluation of his home value. Trent got into his Eddy Haskell mode and somehow got everything all smoothed over. He got good grades in school so his parents thought him playing Bruce Lee for a while was no big deal. He continued to use his garage door for Chinese star target practice. The red square and 200 holes in the garage door were still there up until his mom finally got a new metal garage door about 10 years ago.
He opens up his The Sportsman Guide to the knife section. There seemed to be A LOT of knives with sawteeth and a compartment (with compass, of course) in the pommel. He wondered if the market was responding to excessive demand created by First Blood. Maybe these were the hot items now? Everyone wanted one cause Johnny Rambo had one? He sees the one he wants. It even has a sharpening stone in the sheath!! He opted not to get the compartment in the pommel because his buddy just got one like that and he always liked to have something "unique". The first one on the block as they say.
He rides his blue Diamond Back BMX bike to the post office and buys a money order for $14.99 (The Sportmans Guide had free shipping!). He used his paper route money and the money he made selling bottle rockets imported from Chinatown via a $2.55 BART fare on the playground for a 300% profit (Trent's latest therapist thinks it has to do with Ronnie Reagan being in office for 2 years and extolling the positive aspects of capitalism). He fills out the order form by hand in his sloppy handwriting. "I hope the guy who gets this can read my address right", he thinks. He drops the order form in the mail and waits.
The package finally arrives. Trent opens it up in record time. "What the fuck is this?! A plastic handle? Are you kidding me? I thought it was wood in the picture. What!! It has a BLACK blade!!?? In the picture it was a shiny steel color. Like Johnny Rambo's. It even glistened in the catalog picture." He picks up the knife. He likes the way it feels in his hand. He feels empowered. Ready to start shanking wild boars if need be to survive. The sheath is plastic. He thought it was leather. It was hard to tell in the picture. He wasn't too pissed because he only paid 15 bucks for it. It was his fault for not being an "informed consumer", he mumbled to himself. "Dad always told me 'you get what you PAY for' ", he remembered. Then, to top it all off ,he looks at the makers mark. "Taiwan!!!?? It didn't say made in Taiwan in my beloved The Sportsman Guide. That is some bullshit!", he screamed in his head. You see, back then Taiwan was the most loathed manufacturing country to most Americans (now a days it seems to be China). Made in Taiwan was synonymous with PIECE OF SHIT in Trent's burgeoning economic viewpoint.
"This black blade color has got to go", he determined. He whipped out his Dremel tool that he used for model airplanes (Revell exclusively). He put on the grayish "grinding stone" bit and started Dremeling away. Sparks were flying everywhere. It took him about an hour to get all the black coating off. He finished up the job with some "emory paper" (they didn't call it wet/dry sandpaper like they do now). "Damn. I kinda went overboard with that Dremel grinding stone", he observed. Maybe the grind marks won't be permanent? Aside from the grind marks the blade looked nice and shiny.
The irony of it is twofold. Years later he would despise ANY glare on his weapons. He became addicted to the black matte look. "Can't give away your position to the enemy, bro." (not that he had any enemies he had to kill with his Rambo style knife living in Suburban Concord, California). Years later he also came to despise ANY misuse of a Dremel grinding stone bit. He bought a Western L40 on EBAY. It looked good in the pictures. Lighting was kinda low. He gets the L40 in the mail and it's got MAJOR grind marks on it. "What the fuck retard took a Dremel tool to this!!!?", he shouted out in agony. "Why!!? Why!!? If you don't know how to use a Dremel tool stay the fuck away for them!! For the love of God people!!"
He got an old shoe string and strapped it on to his belt AND leg. "Gotta have her secure", he thinks. Besides, they put a eyehole/grommet on the bottom of the plastic sheath for that specific purpose. He took it camping with him all the time. He would get branches and make spears out of them. He even lashed the knife to a pole and tried to spear some fish. No luck that day. He used the knife to flip his steaks on the grill. He would even cut the meat with the knife. Mountain Man style. Sometimes he would throw the knife into a tree trunk. He could get it to stick about 47% of the time. He bought some oil and would sharpen it with the included stone. Trent's dad laughed at him for BUYING a can of 3-In-One-Oil. "Son, your doing it all wrong. You gotta use your SPIT to lube up your stone. Just like your grandad did in the Rocky Mountains", the old man advised him. He tossed the oil can away and started using his spit. The wanna-be Rambo didn't really know HOW to use a whetstone. But he tried and tried. The hard part was getting the right angle it seemed to him. He used the knife to gut trout as well. He used the sawback teeth to cut branches. For a 15 dollar Taiwanese knife with fake , plastic wood handles and a plastic sheath he was generally happy. At least it had a blood groove. Never know when you gonna need the blood groove, right?
Trent had the knife until he bought his 5th knife. A Schrade Old Timer 154OT. His Johnny Rambo era was over. Time for the dropoints. Better for trout gutting and rabbit dressing was his reasoning.
The knife sat in his vintage, red, Plano, 1-shelf plastic tackle box in his mom's garage for the next 25 years. He forgot all about it until he was going through all the "junk" at his mom's house. The original stone is missing. He thinks it broke in half one day but he can't be sure. The Dremel grind marks are still there. One can still see remnants of that awful black coating on the blade.
It still feels good in his hand. Even though Mr. Rock has about 30 fixed blade hunting knives now, he still likes to use his Rambo style knife from time to time. He even gets a chuckle out of the fake, plastic, wood handle. He examines catalog pictures to the minute detail now. Now he has to find the ORIGINAL (aka CORRECT) whetstone on EBAY.................
Much to Trent's dismay The Sportsmans Guide. ceased selling Chinese throwing stars (and nun chucks) a few years later. He mumbled something about "must be the litigious society we live in today"
His 2nd knife is a Pastor Aleman switchblade style knife he smuggled into the US via Tijuana. It's whereabouts are unknown to this day.
The 3rd knife he owned is sitting on his ranch in Colorado. Somewhere. Buried in the filed next to the spring. Or lost to the mighty Conejos River. He lost it there about 25 years ago. He plans to buy a metal detector at the Alamosa Wal-Mart and try and find it. He thinks he can narrow it down to about a 75 yd radius. He believes it is a Western L40 with correct sheath. After he his done using the metal detector he is going to return it to Wal-Mart and buy one of their cheap Gerber Mini Paraframe knives for $7.99.
The following is the saga of his 4th knife. It resides in his fixed blade display case. Well, really it's just a kitchen silverware wooden case. He likes the red felt I guess.
The year was 1982. The dome theater near Monkey Wards in Pleasant Hill. 14 yr. old Trenton Ulysses Rock had his mom drop him and his buddy off at the movie theater to see First Blood. What a movie he thought! Action. Car chases. An overweight Brian Dennehy. Helicopters. Doberman's getting shanked. and THE Knife. What the hell kind of knife is that?!! Wait. It has a compartment for a thread and needle in the pommel too? Sweet.
After seeing that movie Trent became fascinated with survivalism. He checked out all the books on survivalism he could find at his school's library. He bought a book called Bushcraft. He bought a book called The National Outdoor Leadership School's Wilderness Guide. He couldn't wait to go camping and use his new founded skills. But first he need a SURVIVAL knife. Like Johnny Rambo had. With saw teeth on the back.
He picked up his trusty The Sportsman Guide catalog. They kept sending him a copy every month since he bought some Chinese throwing stars a few years earlier. They were actually thick, sheet metal cutouts with some form of chroming. He paid $4.99 for 3 of them. He went in his garage and got a can of red spray paint. He painted a square about 6 inches by 6 inches on
the inside of his wooden garage door. Target practice time!!! Well, Mom gets home about 4:30 and hears "THUD!!!...Thud!!!...Thud!!" when she pulls in the driveway. She wasn't to pleased with his new mail order "toys". His dad was more concerned about the damage to the garage door and inherent devaluation of his home value. Trent got into his Eddy Haskell mode and somehow got everything all smoothed over. He got good grades in school so his parents thought him playing Bruce Lee for a while was no big deal. He continued to use his garage door for Chinese star target practice. The red square and 200 holes in the garage door were still there up until his mom finally got a new metal garage door about 10 years ago.
He opens up his The Sportsman Guide to the knife section. There seemed to be A LOT of knives with sawteeth and a compartment (with compass, of course) in the pommel. He wondered if the market was responding to excessive demand created by First Blood. Maybe these were the hot items now? Everyone wanted one cause Johnny Rambo had one? He sees the one he wants. It even has a sharpening stone in the sheath!! He opted not to get the compartment in the pommel because his buddy just got one like that and he always liked to have something "unique". The first one on the block as they say.
He rides his blue Diamond Back BMX bike to the post office and buys a money order for $14.99 (The Sportmans Guide had free shipping!). He used his paper route money and the money he made selling bottle rockets imported from Chinatown via a $2.55 BART fare on the playground for a 300% profit (Trent's latest therapist thinks it has to do with Ronnie Reagan being in office for 2 years and extolling the positive aspects of capitalism). He fills out the order form by hand in his sloppy handwriting. "I hope the guy who gets this can read my address right", he thinks. He drops the order form in the mail and waits.
The package finally arrives. Trent opens it up in record time. "What the fuck is this?! A plastic handle? Are you kidding me? I thought it was wood in the picture. What!! It has a BLACK blade!!?? In the picture it was a shiny steel color. Like Johnny Rambo's. It even glistened in the catalog picture." He picks up the knife. He likes the way it feels in his hand. He feels empowered. Ready to start shanking wild boars if need be to survive. The sheath is plastic. He thought it was leather. It was hard to tell in the picture. He wasn't too pissed because he only paid 15 bucks for it. It was his fault for not being an "informed consumer", he mumbled to himself. "Dad always told me 'you get what you PAY for' ", he remembered. Then, to top it all off ,he looks at the makers mark. "Taiwan!!!?? It didn't say made in Taiwan in my beloved The Sportsman Guide. That is some bullshit!", he screamed in his head. You see, back then Taiwan was the most loathed manufacturing country to most Americans (now a days it seems to be China). Made in Taiwan was synonymous with PIECE OF SHIT in Trent's burgeoning economic viewpoint.
"This black blade color has got to go", he determined. He whipped out his Dremel tool that he used for model airplanes (Revell exclusively). He put on the grayish "grinding stone" bit and started Dremeling away. Sparks were flying everywhere. It took him about an hour to get all the black coating off. He finished up the job with some "emory paper" (they didn't call it wet/dry sandpaper like they do now). "Damn. I kinda went overboard with that Dremel grinding stone", he observed. Maybe the grind marks won't be permanent? Aside from the grind marks the blade looked nice and shiny.
The irony of it is twofold. Years later he would despise ANY glare on his weapons. He became addicted to the black matte look. "Can't give away your position to the enemy, bro." (not that he had any enemies he had to kill with his Rambo style knife living in Suburban Concord, California). Years later he also came to despise ANY misuse of a Dremel grinding stone bit. He bought a Western L40 on EBAY. It looked good in the pictures. Lighting was kinda low. He gets the L40 in the mail and it's got MAJOR grind marks on it. "What the fuck retard took a Dremel tool to this!!!?", he shouted out in agony. "Why!!? Why!!? If you don't know how to use a Dremel tool stay the fuck away for them!! For the love of God people!!"
He got an old shoe string and strapped it on to his belt AND leg. "Gotta have her secure", he thinks. Besides, they put a eyehole/grommet on the bottom of the plastic sheath for that specific purpose. He took it camping with him all the time. He would get branches and make spears out of them. He even lashed the knife to a pole and tried to spear some fish. No luck that day. He used the knife to flip his steaks on the grill. He would even cut the meat with the knife. Mountain Man style. Sometimes he would throw the knife into a tree trunk. He could get it to stick about 47% of the time. He bought some oil and would sharpen it with the included stone. Trent's dad laughed at him for BUYING a can of 3-In-One-Oil. "Son, your doing it all wrong. You gotta use your SPIT to lube up your stone. Just like your grandad did in the Rocky Mountains", the old man advised him. He tossed the oil can away and started using his spit. The wanna-be Rambo didn't really know HOW to use a whetstone. But he tried and tried. The hard part was getting the right angle it seemed to him. He used the knife to gut trout as well. He used the sawback teeth to cut branches. For a 15 dollar Taiwanese knife with fake , plastic wood handles and a plastic sheath he was generally happy. At least it had a blood groove. Never know when you gonna need the blood groove, right?
Trent had the knife until he bought his 5th knife. A Schrade Old Timer 154OT. His Johnny Rambo era was over. Time for the dropoints. Better for trout gutting and rabbit dressing was his reasoning.
The knife sat in his vintage, red, Plano, 1-shelf plastic tackle box in his mom's garage for the next 25 years. He forgot all about it until he was going through all the "junk" at his mom's house. The original stone is missing. He thinks it broke in half one day but he can't be sure. The Dremel grind marks are still there. One can still see remnants of that awful black coating on the blade.
It still feels good in his hand. Even though Mr. Rock has about 30 fixed blade hunting knives now, he still likes to use his Rambo style knife from time to time. He even gets a chuckle out of the fake, plastic, wood handle. He examines catalog pictures to the minute detail now. Now he has to find the ORIGINAL (aka CORRECT) whetstone on EBAY.................
Much to Trent's dismay The Sportsmans Guide. ceased selling Chinese throwing stars (and nun chucks) a few years later. He mumbled something about "must be the litigious society we live in today"
