Ultra-Survival Scenario

[coyotlviejo]

Okay, so everybody is posting scenarios to see how we forumites would survive in the face of lurking danger, and with only three knives, at that!

Here's my scenario, and I hope we're up to the challenge, because it's a dangerous world out there:

Your wife (or hubby) wants to go camping. Before you know it your mother-in-law is packing her gear and getting the fifth-wheel ready.

In a whirlwind you find yourself sitting in a state park that you just paid over thirty dollars per night to stay in, and you are surrounded by perfectly manicured lawns and Lexus SUVs.

Worse yet, your camp is equipped with an electric hook-up (your mother-in-law is happy) and there are outhouses next to every fifth campsite (your wife is happy). Obviously these are unacceptable conditions.

What to do?

Now, here are my suggestions, but I'd appreciate any other ideas y'all could chip in. First thing to do is to start talking really loudly about being part of a subversive militia. Make big talk about guns, and feel free to share (very loudly) the wisdom you've gained about steel from this website. This should clear out the two campsites on either side of you.

Next, tell your mother-in-law that you saw some really neat gouchos on sale in that little town about thirty miles away.

Well, that's it for my ideas. Any takers?

------------------
Camine con tranquilidad, sirva con humildad, y viva en paz.

 

[sgtmike88]

Yell "SNAKE" or, if appropriate to the area, "BEAR". If they're anything like my gf and her mother, that should keep the ladies in, too. Enjoy your fire and make the best of it. LMAO

------------------
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, It's the sudden stop at the end.

 

[CD Fleischer]

Just say in a loud voice, "Well, I guess there's no place to empty out the camper's waste tank, so I'll just run thes hose over here and dump it..." That should help clear out the neighbors.

IF that doesn't work, get some empty gas cans and pile them up next to your generator or camper. Light up a big stogie or cigarette and hang out next to them. If someone comes over to talk to you, gesticualte wildly with teh hand the lit tobacco is in.

Great thread!


------------------
Clay Fleischer
clay_fleischer@yahoo.com
AKTI Member A000847

 

[HM]

That's when the microbes, our friends, come to help

. Just make sure that noone else gets a taste of her 'organic' drink.
Let me refer to http://www.bladeforums.com/ubb/Forum18/HTML/001289.html
Outdoor accidents similar to this eventually build up a Pavlovian adverse reflex to any invitation

.
On the more serious note, if a mother-in-law gains so much self-confidence something went wrong long time ago IMHO ......

HM

 

[shadowfax]

the part about yelling about guns actually happened to my family when I was a little kid. We had a hardshell camper (used to have a popup camper until the mountain lion clawed through the tent part) and went out to this great campground in New Mexico (Blue Lake, if anyone's curious). We spent the day having fun and were just getting ready to go to sleep when we heard shouting coming from the next camp over. We looked out the window and saw a ring of guys standing around 2 guys having a knife fight. They slashed at each other for awhile but both were too drunk to land anything, so they pulled out the guns and started shooting. At that point dad made mom and I get on the floor while he loaded the shotgun in case they decided to go mess with neighboring campers. That was the last camping trip we ever went on. That's also a big reason why I won't camp in established campgrounds. If I see people within 3 miles of my campsite I get mad.

 

[coyotlviejo]

I hear you, Shadowfax. The only critters I worry about are cougars (sneaky fellas, ain't they?) and the two-legged variety. If I'm out-n-about and I see a stranger whose business is not readily apparent, I take cover until they're gone or I've decided they're no threat to me.

I'm not the ultra-paranoid type, but people worry me.

------------------
Camine con tranquilidad, sirva con humildad, y viva en paz.

 

[swede79]

You guys are so harsh! What's wrong with commmunal camping, after all, the more the merrier! Now where's that puking icon...

Seriously, we've had the same problem and swore we would NEVER use an established National Forest campground ever again. So far, we haven't.

We went west of Denver about an hour to a campground a couple of years ago (Rainbow Lakes for anyone who lives around here), thinking it was far out enough to not be crowded. WRONG! Big time parties going on until 3 in the morning, then all the jerks get into their cars and go back to town.

So I just set up my arrow stop and start practicing my archery. It toned them down around us, but didn't stop it. I don't know if you are allowed to shoot arrows in a campground, but if the host isn't going to stop the party, too bad.

That was our one and only campground experience.