- Joined
- Sep 3, 2000
- Messages
- 1,055
I've been reading the Cold Steel thread about guys hawking knives used by genuine SEALS and so forth. Well, I, for one, think anyone can make a knife and claim it to be used by SEALS, Rangers, etc. But the thing is, everyone is doing that. It's time for a new marketing tactic. Submitted for your approval:
1.) OFFICIAL KNIFE OF U.S. POSTAL INSPECTORS---Blade has a special hook at the end for rapidly slicing open letters that may contain offending chain letters exhorting people to mail out 20 copies or their dog will crap all over the pillows and other assorted bad luck nasties. This knife will prove it's worth time and again as it easily hacks through reinforced manila envelopes, packing tape, and the hard-to-defeat bubble-wrap reinforced CD shipping package. In tests, it sliced through not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Value-Pak coupon bulk mail envelopes, fully stuffed with assorted pizza and carpet cleaning coupons, stacked together. And was still sharp enough to open five AOL online free trial mailers with a single swipe! Handle comes in attractive postal blue and sheath is embossed with postal service logo.
2.) GENUINE U.S. GEOLOGICAL SURVEY TACTICAL GEOLOGIST PICK---Tired of "making do" with Estwings? Well, this pick will knock your hiking boots off! Matte black to avoid the notice of defecating birds overhead, it makes fast work of various schists, granites, and quartzite. It even works against marble, unlike the competition who won't be named but has a name that starts with "E" and ends with "G". This isn't your average rockhounds little toy, this is a tool made for skilled operators who know their country rock from a hole in the ground!
3.) ISSUE CARTON CUTTER FOR U.S.ARMY QUARTERMASTER CORPS---This ain't your grandaddy's boxcutter! Jealously guarded and classified steel technology produces a replacable razor blade never before seen at this price, able to open MRE cartons in a single swipe. Noiseless tactical operation presents the razor-sharp razor blade with the flick of a finger. Not even genuine milspec packing foam can defeat this little terror! Issued worldwide to hotspots where American quartermaster troops need fast, dependable access to bulk rolls of toilet paper, combat FAX machine paper, and other such "need it now" materials.
4.) TACTICAL MESS KIT KNIFE----Kraton handle to avoid the clatter normally associated with mess kits. Serrated edge to handle even the toughest of overcooked army pork chops. Parkerized blade to nicely match the color of various other army "meats". Finely balanced so can be thrown if in hand-to-hand combat where mess kits are brought out to dash out an ememy's brains. If you order now, you'll get the Official Commerative Operation Iraqi Freedom Chess Set, with authentic, hand-painted representations of both sides of the conflict. And with every knife we sell, we donate .0001% of the profits to the "Tamagotchis For Iraqi Children" program.
1.) OFFICIAL KNIFE OF U.S. POSTAL INSPECTORS---Blade has a special hook at the end for rapidly slicing open letters that may contain offending chain letters exhorting people to mail out 20 copies or their dog will crap all over the pillows and other assorted bad luck nasties. This knife will prove it's worth time and again as it easily hacks through reinforced manila envelopes, packing tape, and the hard-to-defeat bubble-wrap reinforced CD shipping package. In tests, it sliced through not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Value-Pak coupon bulk mail envelopes, fully stuffed with assorted pizza and carpet cleaning coupons, stacked together. And was still sharp enough to open five AOL online free trial mailers with a single swipe! Handle comes in attractive postal blue and sheath is embossed with postal service logo.
2.) GENUINE U.S. GEOLOGICAL SURVEY TACTICAL GEOLOGIST PICK---Tired of "making do" with Estwings? Well, this pick will knock your hiking boots off! Matte black to avoid the notice of defecating birds overhead, it makes fast work of various schists, granites, and quartzite. It even works against marble, unlike the competition who won't be named but has a name that starts with "E" and ends with "G". This isn't your average rockhounds little toy, this is a tool made for skilled operators who know their country rock from a hole in the ground!
3.) ISSUE CARTON CUTTER FOR U.S.ARMY QUARTERMASTER CORPS---This ain't your grandaddy's boxcutter! Jealously guarded and classified steel technology produces a replacable razor blade never before seen at this price, able to open MRE cartons in a single swipe. Noiseless tactical operation presents the razor-sharp razor blade with the flick of a finger. Not even genuine milspec packing foam can defeat this little terror! Issued worldwide to hotspots where American quartermaster troops need fast, dependable access to bulk rolls of toilet paper, combat FAX machine paper, and other such "need it now" materials.
4.) TACTICAL MESS KIT KNIFE----Kraton handle to avoid the clatter normally associated with mess kits. Serrated edge to handle even the toughest of overcooked army pork chops. Parkerized blade to nicely match the color of various other army "meats". Finely balanced so can be thrown if in hand-to-hand combat where mess kits are brought out to dash out an ememy's brains. If you order now, you'll get the Official Commerative Operation Iraqi Freedom Chess Set, with authentic, hand-painted representations of both sides of the conflict. And with every knife we sell, we donate .0001% of the profits to the "Tamagotchis For Iraqi Children" program.
