Useful Militray Warnings:

[kronckew]

Useful Military Warnings for y'all on your way over there...

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

(And lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." -- U.S.A. Ammo Troop

 

[Green Ice]

LOL! Good warnings and oh so true.

Ice

 

[Bill Marsh]

These are funny!

In the 1960s I bought a WWII Army Triumph motrocycle still packaged in cosmoline. The manual had a few remarks like the above.

"Unless you are under enemy fire, your commanding officer frobids you to exceed 30 mph for the first 500 miles break-in period."

 

[Roadrunner]

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

SOOO true! Goes double for the First Sergeant.

What's really funny when you think about the warnings in manuals on equipment is; they don't write in the warning until someone has actually done something that stupid. The grenade range is especially scary with this type of people.

 

[Dave Rishar]

Since we're on the topic of military humor, we might as well trot out Skippy's List for the unenlightened.

 

[kronckew]

Since we're on the topic of military humor, we might as well trot out Skippy's List for the unenlightened.

so, what's wrong with a bayonet on a crew served weapon?

 

[Dave Rishar]

so, what's wrong with a bayonet on a crew served weapon?

They keep punching holes in the barrel bags.

 

[kronckew]

They keep punching holes in the barrel bags.

i had this vision in the back of my head from a sci-fi novel i read recently where a gurkha merc unit is captured & subsequently absorbed into their captors armoured unit & they wind up making 15ft long kukri's with monomolecular edges to fit their assault vehicles which they used to good effect while boarding an enemy space fortress.

 

[Thomas Linton]

"Kick into sump and move away." (Gee, I was thinking of hovering over. )

 

[mauirob3]

""#87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. ""

Never served myself, but I could put this to good use in my daily life and avoid some trouble

 

[37up]

SOOO true! Goes double for the First Sergeant.

What's really funny when you think about the warnings in manuals on equipment is; they don't write in the warning until someone has actually done something that stupid. The grenade range is especially scary with this type of people.

Gaaawww leeeeee Sargeant RR, I just plain got nothing to do!

 

[Dave Rishar]

""#87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. ""

This one has served me well in recent years and has probably kept me out of the brig several times.

The one about chugging candy from a prescription medication bottle reminds me of a little stunt I used to pull on my last ship. It goes like this: obtain an empty Tic Tac box and conceal it in your hand. In front of your coworkers, complain incessantly about how tight and stiff your neck is and make vigorous attempts to crack it. After failing at this for a few minutes, take hold of your jaw with both hands, take a deep breath, and torque your head around hard; at the same time, crush the plastic container in your hand and begin screaming. If you did it convincingly, your coworkers will be screaming right along with you.

If you do this at work, I can't be held liable for what happens, but it is pretty funny. It also works great at family gatherings.

 

[Kismet]

The most memorable line of this type to me was:

"Incoming fire always has the right of way."

 

[BruiseLeee]

obtain an empty Tic Tac box and conceal it in your hand. In front of your coworkers, complain incessantly about how tight and stiff your neck is and make vigorous attempts to crack it. After failing at this for a few minutes, take hold of your jaw with both hands, take a deep breath, and torque your head around hard; at the same time, crush the plastic container in your hand and begin screaming. If you did it convincingly, your coworkers will be screaming right along with you.

hehehehe

Good luck getting help if something ever happened though.

 

[Ascoe]

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

hoho

 

[yoippari]

Not a warning but a few general rules of thumb.

In a bayonet fight, the one with the bullet wins.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Second hand information from a vietnam vet:
The enemy RPG WAS aimed at the ice cream shop.
Wearing only flip flops while defending against a raid does not make you a target.

 

[Dave Rishar]

Not a warning but a few general rules of thumb.

In a bayonet fight, the one with the bullet wins.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Second hand information from a vietnam vet:
The enemy RPG WAS aimed at the ice cream shop.
Wearing only flip flops while defending against a raid does not make you a target.

Aaaaaaaaand...

Friendly fire, isn't. (Trust me on this one.)

 

[Ad Astra]

<210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.>

A friend of mine who is a medical MD put forth the following idea for crowd control in Iraq:

A water cannon firing slaughterhouse pig offal.

Think about it. Is it a greater sin to shoot somebody, or soak 'em with yuck?


Ad Astra