What is the best defense against .....

not2sharp

not2sharp

Platinum Member
Joined
Jun 29, 1999
Messages
20,453
..... your neighbor's irritable monkey. A neighborhood is up in arms over a monkey and his irresponsible owner.

5001680_BG1.jpg


WANTED for ASSAULT​


Read the story here:

http://www.kfvs12.com/Global/story.asp?S=5001680

n2s
 
Paint any khuk you want yellow. it'll think it's a banana and do itself in:D
I'm what they like to call a "problem solver";)

Jake
 
Spank it.


LOL. Couldn't resist.
 
I don't like monkeys. Never met a monkey that didn't understand a slap in the face or a slug from a .41


munk
 
Blowgun with poison darts? Bow with poison arrows? No noise to disturb the neighbors. Actually if you're a decent longbowman you don't need poison arrows. Took out a nuisance animal a while back for a friend, he's one of those civilized, sensitive, modern type people. Made the comment in front of me, "That thing's got in here tearing into the trash again and pretty much wrecking the place, I wish I had a .22 rifle and the guts to use it, but I can't kill nothing, ain't got it in me, somebody more cold blooded than me would have to do it, still, I wish that damn thing was gone". You don't talk that way in front a "cold blooded" feller like me. I never said a word about it, a brief stalk, a flawlessy placed arrow at 20 yards, problem solved. Neither he nor his wife saw or heard a thing that would offend their sensibilities, and I kept my trap shut about it. All they know is for some reason the critter problem ceased. Farts ain't the only thing in this world that are silent but deadly.:D

Sarge
 
Got a couple of plants in the garden with juices that would go well on those blowgun darts.

t.
 
TomFetter said:
Got a couple of plants in the garden with juices that would go well on those blowgun darts.

t.
Click to expand...

Foxglove, hemlock, and jimson weed, grow wild around here. Deadly if you know what to do with them, but too slow acting for projectile poisons. Death from a broad head arrow is caused by massive hemorrhaging, and generally happens quickly enough that the poison would be a moot point. Need a good neurotoxin like coral snake venom to get the job done.
Shucks, what we doing talking about such creepy stuff on a Friday? I think we should just turn Andy loose on that monkey, there'd be some entertainment value in that. ;) :D

Sarge
 
i've got two "small fuzzy animal" terminators i will rent out at cost plus 15%....
can a monkey run at 45mph? :)

_______________________________________________________________
CAVE CANEM ET SEMPER PARATUS
Dic, hospes Spartae nos te hic vidisse iacentes,
Dum sanctis patriae legibus obsequimur

BlueMillieSig.jpg

If they don't want me to eat animals - why do they make them out of MEAT?
 
Steely_Gunz said:
Maybe if they have one of those little motorcycles they ride in the circus

Jake
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Say, doesn't Bruise run a monkey motorcycle rental as a side business? We could crank this thing up from a nuisance animal to a full blown car chase. Tune into "COPS: When monkeys go bad". Andy could fill the role of the man on the street, eyewitness interviewee, "Uh, I'd of just spanked the dayumed thing, but next thing you know the tazers came out and things got pretty ugly". :eek: :rolleyes: :D

Sarge
 
Sylvrfalcn said:
Blowgun with poison darts? Bow with poison arrows? No noise to disturb the neighbors. Actually if you're a decent longbowman you don't need poison arrows. Took out a nuisance animal a while back for a friend, he's one of those civilized, sensitive, modern type people. Made the comment in front of me, "That thing's got in here tearing into the trash again and pretty much wrecking the place, I wish I had a .22 rifle and the guts to use it, but I can't kill nothing, ain't got it in me, somebody more cold blooded than me would have to do it, still, I wish that damn thing was gone". You don't talk that way in front a "cold blooded" feller like me. I never said a word about it, a brief stalk, a flawlessy placed arrow at 20 yards, problem solved. Neither he nor his wife saw or heard a thing that would offend their sensibilities, and I kept my trap shut about it. All they know is for some reason the critter problem ceased. Farts ain't the only thing in this world that are silent but deadly.:D

Sarge
Click to expand...

when you say hemlock, are you speaking of the tree or the waterplant or ...?

i should look up my edibles again... we have evergreen type hemlocks around here - flat needles. sometimes i nibble them. mmm... coulda sworn they were *ahfhfharrgghghhghgh save

how about a nice pan of ethylene glycol? i hear tell that animal haters use that on trespassing animals, it tastes sweet and they gobble it all up, the death is quiet, and not terribly painful (but i could be wrong), and hiding the evidence is trivial.

mind: i don't typically advocate killing animals if i can capture them and relocate them, but they've made it near illegal to do so in many cases. can't disturb or addle the geese, can't relocate beavers, and what not. they gotta be killed, and NOT BY A CITZEN. oh no.

i do like the arrow method. been keeping my eye out for a decent recurve i can afford - none of them walmart compound specials. there was a target model i liked, machine aluminum, special graphite arms. oh my. $600-800 ;) with laser sights! yah, paint it camo and it's "tactical"... ;P

bladite
 
"ethylene glycol" aka Antifreeze... that would work.
If that animal gets out and is wondering around the neighborhood a small pan of that stuff would work, however it would also work on stray cats and dogs and could also kill a small kid. You have to drink it and it would take a good deal to kill a monkey (compared to most good...err... bad toxins).

Besides, they way antifreeze kills is it takes out your kidneys. Imagine having so many kidney stones it destroys your kidneys and you die of blood poisoning. I wouldent wish it on my worst enemy...well.... now that I think of it... nevermind. How about a bananna loaded up with rat posion? It would at least be quicker.

I like the arrow idea, however I am not that up to speed on that art. I would suggest an airgun or cb caps at close range. If you want to do it and make sure it is done right you are going to have to do it close up and personal.
 
SamuraiDave said:
I like the arrow idea, however I am not that up to speed on that art.
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Friend of mine way out in the country uses a crossbow to eradicate pests from his wife's garden. Modern crossbows have stocks, sights, and triggers, so similar to a rifle, that someone proficient with firearms would be popping center mass with very little practice. They're a bit slow on follow up shots though, I can put about three arrows down range with my longbow to every bolt he can get off.

Sarge
 
I heard hot sauce makes a good blow dart poision. Is that really true???
 
kronckew said:
i've got two "small fuzzy animal" terminators i will rent out at cost plus 15%....
can a monkey run at 45mph? :)

_______________________________________________________________
CAVE CANEM ET SEMPER PARATUS
Dic, hospes Spartae nos te hic vidisse iacentes,
Dum sanctis patriae legibus obsequimur

BlueMillieSig.jpg

If they don't want me to eat animals - why do they make them out of MEAT?
Click to expand...

Don't forget the vet bill Kronck. Remember what that chimp did to that fellow overseas...
And wasn't that one of his old pets or something. That CRS Disease is in full swing on me.:rolleyes: ;) :o
 
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