What knife is best for monkeys?

[Lavan]

My wife asked if I had ever posted the monkey-knife incident. Well, to tell you the truth, in all this confusion I lost count. So, you gotta ask yourself one question. Did I.....punk?

Whoops....wrong story.

Real story:

When our kids were small, my wife took them to the zoo. They were feeding the monkeys with apples. They had one of those razor sharp flip-open-the-center-and-push-out-the-blade knives that were advertising premiums before the whole world got scared of being sued.

My son wanted to CUT THE APPLE. So she let him. So what did he do? He threw the apple AND the knife into the monkey cage.

Wife panics. Monkey picks up knife. LICKS knife. No cut tongue apparently but PLENTY of chance for it.

Wife finds "keeper" (Mexican who doesn't speak English) swamping out the area behind the cage. Tells him the monkeys have a knife. He shrugs. Wife looks for higher up official. Sees none.

Flees zoo.

I always did wonder if evolution took a leap that day. Did "shiv monkey" use it to his advantage? Did he get a Sharpmaker?

Kid got chewed out.

 

[bob bowie]

Someone fetch Billy Tran, he is the expert on mankeys.

 

[Jeff Clark]

This is a really great story!

 

[cockroachfarm]

Originally posted by Lavan
....Did he get a Sharpmaker?...

ROFLMAO!

 

[dullone]

I think they prefer SJ's, specifically in the Peanut pattern!

 

[Mongo]

I wonder if they put monkey fist lanyards on their knives?

 

[thombrogan]

Do monkeys prefer stainless, non-stainless, or in-between-stainless (such as D2 or INFI)?

 

[Skean Dhu]

Reminds me of that episode of "The Simpsons" where they were having 'monkey knife fights'

 

[shane45-1911]

Great. Just great. You've taken the first steps in setting off the chain of events that will lead to "Planet of the Apes".

What were you thinking - leaving a knife with a monkey??????

Now we'll know who to blame a thousand years from now, when the Statue of Liberty is up to her neck in sand.

 

[Rugger]

The Billy Tran Praty!
Mankey knife fight with lanmower blade knyff! averybody knowing dat!

(those who have not been here a while may not understand that)

OH MAN: "Tells him the monkeys have a knife. He shrugs. Wife looks for higher up official. Sees none."
I don't know why that's so funny, but it is.

 

[BigDeeeeeeee]

Spank the mankey, praty on. Bad mankey.

 

[Don Luis]

Nice knife, did you really think I couldn´t speak English ?.

 

[Steelhed]

So that's how the monkey got the knife.

Years ago I heard a story about a monkey who escaped his cage by holding a knife to a zoo keeper's throat. Once free of his confines he went on a crime spree holding up one fruit stand after another, either eating or carting away every banana he could find. Several vendors received nasty wounds trying to wrest either the knife or the bananas away from the emancipated primate. The reign of terror ended abruptly when the monkey dropped the knife in favor of carrying more bananas and was promptly dispatched by a Thai restuarant cook on his way to work.

The story has it that the restuarant's meat and banana dishes were especially good for about a week thereafter. Fruit stands in the area posted "No Monkeys" signs and at least one hurdygurdy man and his pet monkey were mauled by angry mobs roaming the streets looking for revenge. The fate of zoo keeper remains uncertain, although I did hear that he was so ashamed by the whole incident that he committed suicide at the local playground by, you guessed it, hanging himself from the monkey bars.