- Joined
- Sep 27, 2002
- Messages
- 3,411
This made me chuckle...
EVER WONDER where we are headed...
... why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens the skin?
... why women can't put mascara with their mouth closed?
... why you dont ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
... why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
... why doctors call what they do "practice"?
... why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
... why the man who invests your money is called a "broker"?
... why there isnt a mouse-flavored cat food?
... who gets to taste dog food when it has a "new&improved" flavor?
... why Noah didnt swat those two mosquitos?
... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
... why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
... why they're called apartments when they're all stuck together?
... if "con" is the opposite of "pro", is Congress the opposite of progress?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
*(damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
*(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
*(and that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
*(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
*(well...duh, it's a tad too late for that, hm?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
*(...and you thought...?)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." *(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
*(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
*(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
*(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
*(talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents
for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
*(...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere ?)
Andy
EVER WONDER where we are headed...
... why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens the skin?
... why women can't put mascara with their mouth closed?
... why you dont ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
... why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
... why doctors call what they do "practice"?
... why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
... why the man who invests your money is called a "broker"?
... why there isnt a mouse-flavored cat food?
... who gets to taste dog food when it has a "new&improved" flavor?
... why Noah didnt swat those two mosquitos?
... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
... why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
... why they're called apartments when they're all stuck together?
... if "con" is the opposite of "pro", is Congress the opposite of progress?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
*(damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
*(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
*(and that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
*(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
*(well...duh, it's a tad too late for that, hm?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
*(...and you thought...?)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." *(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
*(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
*(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
*(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
*(talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents
for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
*(...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere ?)
Andy
