Words

MauiRob

MauiRob

Joined
Nov 15, 2000
Messages
3,708
I work with some very unhappy folks. They spend all day complaining about their lives, and yet are (for the most part) not willing to give up anything to get what they want. I am not judging. I used to do this too. I'm sure most of us have fallen into that loop.

But I do wish that they could be aware of how powerful our words are. That old sticks and stones saying is true at its core, but only when dealing with people who realize that their egos are not themselves...for most people words and their effects spread outward into our minds. Guiding our thoughts in the direction of travel at the least, and at the most impacting our decisions and guiding our actions. Even poisoning our self image if we let it. This is so very true with children!

They are not able to bring me down most days. but I watch as they drag each other down time and again, just when one of them was having a good day. Have you ever noticed that at the end of a positive statement in a conversation how a lot of people have to counterbalance it with a negative at the end?

Yesterday they asked me what was wrong because I am very quiet when at work. So I told them that I was happy, but didn't have anything to say.

We all are effecting people around us like it or not. My coworkers are my teachers in that they remind me to follow my mom's advice of years past "if you don't have anything nice to say...." Of course I realize the irony in writing a post like this, but I think this post is a nice thing in its intent.

I did NOT write this because of anything or anyone on the forum. I just had a few things to say about life in general, and I hope my rambling is interesting to a few folks.

Thanks,

Rob
 
There are a lot of truly unhappy people out there. I don't know if its always been like this, or if its because with today's instant access to tv and internet, its really easy to think the grass is greener on the other side.

Many people don't like their jobs, but are fearful of leaving them because they have obligations (wife, kids, mortgage, etc) and although "to your own self be true" is a powerful adage, when you've got to put food in your kid's mouth and pay your bills, its a hard thing to do.

I also get tired of people complaining all the time, but I don't have the answers. No matter what you do, somebody is unhappy about it.

"Singing the blues isn't about making yourself feel better, its about making everybody around you feel worse" --Lisa Simpson
 
You make an excellent point, Rob. Our internal and external monologs affect our direction as well as others'. I get tired of hearing it from people all the time as well. "I wish I made more money." "I wish I could do 'X'". "I wish I could get into better shape." "I wish the boss would do 'X' for me." Blah Blah Blah.
I have no room to talk. I am guilty of it too, just like everyone else to some degree. However, I just can't see how people can't just be happy. I have my days where by the end of the day it feels like I was pulled behind a truck for 17 blocks, but I have a lot to be happy and grateful for. I have a great job. I won't ever be rich, but comfortable enough to accomplish my modest dream of having a house, 2.5 kids, a dog, and putting them through college (the kids not the dog. He's on his own.). I have a wonderful wife that has been with me from day one. She has a career that she loves and can make a good living for working in the public school system. I have wonderful friends both that I have made in highschool, in college, and of course right here in the Cantina.
Life is good. Life is short. Pissing and moaning won't get me where I need to be. Hard word, thinking, and determination might, and if it doesn't it sure will be an adventure trying.
Great post, Rob:thumbup:

Jake
 
Shann said:
Many people don't like their jobs, but are fearful of leaving them because they have obligations (wife, kids, mortgage, etc) and although "to your own self be true" is a powerful adage, when you've got to put food in your kid's mouth and pay your bills, its a hard thing to do.
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I am in this boat. My job is like torture to me and If I could get paid to sand off my knees it may be an option I'd consider. The work is boring, the boss is abusive, the commute is LONG and DANGEROUS. I can't leave it yet because I haven't found any way to replace the income. I don't complain about it if I can avoid it though because I'd rather just take that same minute to calm down and think of something else. I've even become more at peace with the traffic (since the wreck). One thing that has helped is the HI forum. I sometimes just come here and chat out of spite for my boss, rather than work. Another is my hobbies (woodworking, knifemaking, sheathmaking) have progressed and I get a lot of enjoyment out of them. I think this last year has been a major growing experience for me. I just hope I can teach some of this to my daughter.

Good thread Rob.
 
cliff355 said:
IMHO, much of this might fall into the category of "sport bitching." It is a big source of recreation for these folks and not necessarily a sign of unhappiness. I have noticed with these people that when you solve the problem they are sporting about, they find another one immediately. Therefore it is usually best to let them run on and not pay any particular attention. It is the non-complainer who suddenly has a complaint that is worth listening to.
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I agree. Also, a way of dealing with the social oddity of work relationships.
Finding common topics, with diverse people, frequently ends up work related
grousing.

Since becoming a parent, I have become more aware of the attitude I project, they outlook on life my son sees as an example. Being somewhat cynical, maintaining a positive outlook isn't always easy.

My girlfriend, Lil Bit and I were discussing non-verbal communication last night. I am pretty clueless about what my face is "saying" as opposed to verbal statements. I guess I am going forward to Advanced Social Skills 301,
whether I am ready or not.

DaddyDett
 
Then again, ignorance is bliss; sometimes the screams from the bilge really do mean that the ship is sinking.

I am old enough to remember when films and our culture in general carried an unsurmountably positive message. Science and technology were making progress, the UN was that shiny building that foretold of an ensuing peace and the hope of prosperity, medicine actually was coming up with miracle cures, and it would only be a manner of decades before we would all be zooming around in our own jetson bubble car. Well none of that happened and today our films are more likely to feature armaggedon and radioactive zombies then kindly wizen scientists or a smilling face.

Things are unwell, not just becuase of doom and gloom, but because we have stopped talking about the future; of things that can be, of things that should be, and about how we can all strive to get there.

n2s
 
Thanks for great replies!

I have been stuck in jobs that I hate and I understand what that's like. I am so thankful that I have been lucky enough to run into a great teacher who was able to reach me and get me to realize that being unhappy is a choice.

he told a story about a Buddhist monk he met last year. The man had his tongue cut up the middle and all his teeth blown(smashed?) out with a cattle prod. He had NO ill will, no anger, no resentment in his entire body. Even towards his former captors/torturers. he radiated love and peace. If that man can choose to live in love and light everyday then I can too. I used to think "oh well he's a buddhist monk, and that's why he can do that. I couldn't do that" but now I don't give myself that "out" anymore. He and I are both humans, with a soul. and if he can do it so can I. I may not be there yet but I will get there. If not I'll die proudly knowing that I lived trying to become what I really am inside already--love, or a pure soul, part of the creator...

Therefore it is usually best to let them run on and not pay any particular attention. It is the non-complainer who suddenly has a complaint that is worth listening to.
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Good advice. Thank you.

Life is good. Life is short. Pissing and moaning won't get me where I need to be. Hard word, thinking, and determination might, and if it doesn't it sure will be an adventure trying.
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"life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved" William Butler Yeats
I thought that quote meshed well with what you already said so well Jake.

I think this last year has been a major growing experience for me. I just hope I can teach some of this to my daughter.
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It sure sounds like you're on your way. I think that just having an awareness that happiness is what we're all stiving for and that suffering is not the norm goes a long way. I too hope that I'm setting a good example for my daughters. at the very least I hope that they get a good dose of peace and happiness during their young years. That seed will be planted, even if deeply. The important thing is that they know what is POSSIBLE. That it's possible to be happy to have peace. I think they will move back toward it when the time is right. Even if things are rocky for them in the teen years.
 
Things are unwell, not just becuase of doom and gloom, but because we have stopped talking about the future; of things that can be, of things that should be, and about how we can all strive to get there.
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Well said.

I used to viscerally despise people who were optimistic and positive all the time. But I now realize that it's a choice and my life has responded overwhelmingly in a positive direction since I've chosen this path.

I guess I am going forward to Advanced Social Skills 301,
whether I am ready or not.
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:D :thumbup: I feel like that sometimes too!
 
I don't know anyone who doesn't shoot themselves in the foot occasionally if not on a regular basis.

I like what Neil Cavuto said, "There's as much reason to be pesimistic as optimistic so if both are valid I'll choose to be happy."



munk
 
MauiRob said:
I work with some very unhappy folks. They spend all day complaining about their lives, and yet are (for the most part) not willing to give up anything to get what they want.
Rob
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What I always say is:

People don't know what they want. They only know what they don't want

With any good thing there is a downside. People think they want the good thing, but when they actually get it they aren't willing to deal with the downside.

I think maybe it's an outgrowth of the mass marketing consumeristic society that tells us all that if we just do the next thing some big tit is gonna fall out of the sky for us and all is gonna be hunky dory.

By passion for the "pairs of opposites,"
By those twain snares of Like and Dislike, Prince!
All creatures live bewildered, save some few
Who, quit of sins, holy in act, informed,
Freed from the "opposites,"and fixed in faith,
Cleave unto Me. Bhagavad Gita

Since the world points up beauty as such,
There is ugliness too.
If goodness is taken as goodness,
Wickedness enters as well.

For is and is-not come together;
Hard and easy are complementary;
Long and short are relative;
High and low are comparative;
Pitch and sound make harmony;
Before and after are a sequence.- Tao Te Ching
 
People don't know what they want. They only know what they don't want
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I think there's a lesson there.

When I feel upset about a situation I often don't find the answer until I stop and say to myself "ok, so what's the real problem?" and then "so what are you gonna do about it?" and finally "what am I willing to give up to get what I want"

When I'm thinking clearly I realize that I've got choices:

1) deal with it
2) change it
3) get out
4) no matter which of the above be grateful and happy to be alive and trust
that things will work out as they are supposed to.
 
Funny that this came up.

I was in a sandwich shop yesterday, eating a hmmm sandwich, as is my custom, reading a national Geographic there.

Sandwiches are good, reading material is better.

There was an article in the back of NG about Buddhists and cancer patients, i think I'll have to go back and re-read the article.

One of my failings (among many, I could get my wife to help if you all want a complete listing) is that I'm Very prone to both negative self-talk, and depression. Something that I think is very common, perhaps more common that most of us realize. Is there anyone here that isn't guilty of negative self-talk?
 
dunno. I live away from the world.
But:

Seems a lot folks look for things to make them happy.

Others seem to look for someone other than themselves for happiness.

Seems most professional humorists are satirists and mean-spirited observers, or ridiculers. Thus, complaining is an art form--and a power trip. "I ridicule you, therefore I am your superior."

Seems like most folks don't experience learning for joy, or creating THINGS to see if they can. (See any of Sarge's knives, or Andy's sheathes--there's joy there.)

I think Prozac and its ilk are the most prescibed meds in the U.S. Before that, it was...?valium? (This in one of the healthiest, wealthiest, safest countries in history.) How come?


Somewhere, maybe in a Robert Parker Spenser book, there's a line about "when want and need become one." (No, I can't find it, nor the origin of the quote.) I think the reference is to his relationship with whatshername...?Susan?...but, romance aside, want and need are very different, at least in my estimation.

Maybe evaluating that difference would...make a difference.


Dunno.

Be well and safe.
 
Kismet said:
Seems most professional humorists are satirists and mean-spirited observers, or ridiculers. Thus, complaining is an art form--and a power trip. "I ridicule you, therefore I am your superior."
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I never could stand to listen to Letterman cause I always got that sort of a vibe from him. Of COURSE I never liked Rush Limbaugh for the same reason, even his actual politics aside. Funny thing is now they even have liberal talk radio but but I don't like it for the same reason. The Survivor thing where they vote people out I never cared for it either. Must be why I always liked hackey sack. The object of the game is to cooperatively keep it in the air rather than trying to eliminate someone else.:thumbup:
 
One of my failings (among many, I could get my wife to help if you all want a complete listing) is that I'm Very prone to both negative self-talk, and depression. Something that I think is very common, perhaps more common that most of us realize. Is there anyone here that isn't guilty of negative self-talk?
Click to expand...

I am hardly ever guilty of it now, but I used to think it part of who I was--my "self-identity" was wrapped up in self-depricating humor---and depression. I think it's part of our culture as well. I should clarify that MY depression was self induced by over use of alcohol and my beliefs, but I realize that many people have it because of other reasons NOT of their own doing.

I'm reading a great book now called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it he says that "sin" is actually "anything you do that goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin.....from this point of view, the whole concept sin changes from something moral or religious to something commonsense. Sin begins with rejection of yourself. Self-rejection is the biggest sin that you commit. In religious terms self-rejection is a "mortal sin", which leads to death."
 
dunno. I live away from the world.
But:

Seems a lot folks look for things to make them happy.

Others seem to look for someone other than themselves for happiness.

Seems most professional humorists are satirists and mean-spirited observers, or ridiculers. Thus, complaining is an art form--and a power trip. "I ridicule you, therefore I am your superior."

Seems like most folks don't experience learning for joy, or creating THINGS to see if they can. (See any of Sarge's knives, or Andy's sheathes--there's joy there.)

I think Prozac and its ilk are the most prescibed meds in the U.S. Before that, it was...?valium? (This in one of the healthiest, wealthiest, safest countries in history.) How come?


Somewhere, maybe in a Robert Parker Spenser book, there's a line about "when want and need become one." (No, I can't find it, nor the origin of the quote.) I think the reference is to his relationship with whatshername...?Susan?...but, romance aside, want and need are very different, at least in my estimation.

Maybe evaluating that difference would...make a difference.
Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more Kismet. It is so very easy to hurt and to find the bad in things. I find that I'm left feeling somewhat...empty after complaining and being negative, yet I feel a sense of satisfaction after I say what's in my heart even if it's hard to do sometimes.
 
This in one of the healthiest, wealthiest, safest countries in history.) How come?
Click to expand...

The Dalai Lama makes that same observation that america has the most wealth and power and has the unhappiest population in the world.

i think you nailed it when you said people expect things to bring them happiness.

I started off in Zen, but found it missing something. Then I moved toward Tibetan Buddhism with it's focus on compassion...getting warmer. I don't know where I am now but it feels more like home.
 
Good thread.

I plead guilty to the self loathing internal dialogue. (at times- not nearly as bad as it 'used to be')
The widespread prescriptions for anti depressants in the US tells us something about the quality of living and the overall health of our society. I don't think the sufferers are 'faking' or overindulged. There is some of that, of course, and the same people on the Valium bandwagon 30 years ago are probably on the Prozac trail today.

<<<I never could stand to listen to Letterman cause I always got that sort of a vibe from him.>>> Hollow

I think that's why Leno won the ratings war.


munk
 
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