10+ year old MREs, the good, the bad, the ugly.

Nothing like food made by the lowest bidder. :D
 
Rich275 said:
From the internet, I give you this...

For those of us who have "endured" Meals-Ready To Eat (MRE's) and for anyone who has ever heard of them and wondered what they were like, this is a classic:

ARMY RANGER DATE

I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner.

After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY never eaten.

I got out my trusty case of MRE's. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here's what I made:

I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in
shaved garlic and olive oil.

In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees.

When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly thingys from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got green sprinkly thingys on it, it looks fancy, right?)

For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it.

Voila! Ranger Pudding.

For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military Special"--it sells for $4.35 per fifth) and mixed in four packets of "Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess... could've been leftover sand from Egypt).

I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that shit is freaking EXPENSIVE... my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.

She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!"

We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the makeshift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.

At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made. Huh? Chocolate what? Okay... yeah... it's Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make...yup.

Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my restroom. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself "Uh oh" and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay.

Let the games begin.

She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The Army even makes smellgood) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.

After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time. I could hear her say "What the hell is WRONG with me???," as she again sent flatulent shockwaves into the porcelain bowl.

This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.

Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes.

I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.

She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said "I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed, I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!" I gave her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.

Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.

After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of "Army food" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories or dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?" After I concurred, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word.

She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't shit for 3 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food beforehand.

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually, and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.

I know, I'm an asshole, but it was still a funny night."
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OMG ! That was SO DAMN FUNNY that I bust a gut all the way through it. :thumbup::D:thumbup:
 
Good story. Making my stomach churn with memories of a hangover and a dehydrated mre i'n the field right before hitting the gas chamber. I thing i was heaving for the rest of the day dehydrated food
 
I ate one the other say that had tan M&M's they tasted way better than the new M&M's.Iv still got some 80's brown bags. My friend cleaned out a building at Bragg a fue months back and hooked me up with some C rats the fruit can was still good!!
 
OK, more to review:
1.
Ham Slice - smelled normal and actually was pretty tasty.
Buttered Noodles - smelled a little off, passed
Pound Cake - was lemon flavor and was really pretty good

Jalapeno Cheese Spread - smelled normal, but passed anyways.
Crackers- were fine, like the rest. Starting to trust 'em if they smell normal.

2.
Chicken w/ Noodles - smelled a lil bit off (5%) I tasted a tiny portion and it tasted so-so, passed

Fig Bar - tasted fine, smelled fine.

Peanut Butter - A-OK
Crackers- Like a small 1/2" thick wheat loaf - A-ok

3.
Bean & Rice Burrito - smelled OK, tasted OK
Fruit - Pineapple, dark and bad smelling
Fruit Filled Bar - Nutrigrain bar, bad
Peanut Butter - fine
Crackers - Fine

4.
Beef Teriyaki - Smelled OK, taste OK
White Rice - smelled OK, taste OK

Jam - was quite good
Crackers (Cheese & Peanut Butter) - those orange and peanut butter ones, were fine.

Peanut Brittle Bar - rancid
 
My wife who's internet time is wasted on facebook was crying with laughter from Ranger date.
A buddy and I got into some old ones on a hunting trip and he made many side trips into the bush from it. I've been raised on the toxic water from Camp Lejuene so I wasn't affected the same.
Great Post.
 
I loved the ranger date, that was really funny.

1.
Chili mac - smelled bad, did not taste. First case of an entree that was so obviously bad that it was unedible in any way. The beef was a light shade of green.
Veggie crackers - all crackers and peanut butter gets an automatic pass from here on out, so I won't mention it again.
Cocoa mix - it's good, if a little bit on the bland side. Drank all of it.
Pineapple pound cake - smelled fine, tasted good (if dry).
 
I have some old MRE's in the dark brown packs... I probably ought to check the dates on those eh? I've always figured that the ones in my truck and car (that have been there for years) would probably be better than nothing in a "snowed in" emergency, but this discussion is making me rethink that idea. Sounds like rather than providing me emergency sustenance, they might just make me power puke next to the truck! :eek:
 
WJC01 said:
Oops, should have proof read, they are the old ones. Use caution!
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It's OK... S'all good... I thought you were giving me a good natured ribbing for my horribly "hillbillyish" bad grammar and the way I improperly used the word "ones":D. Unfortunately, sometimes I rite and spel exactly how I speech!!:D:D

Seriously though, I had heard that the dark brown ones were quite old so I'm going to check the dates on them tomorrow. I'll let you know.

But they have been nicely sealed, up under the seats in my vehicles in blazing heat and freezing temps for oh, I'm guessing probably 15, maybe 18 years.:eek: They should be OK shouldn't they?:)
 
Yeah, heat stress apparantly is the WORST thing for an MRE, in a very hot/cold environment they are purported to last ~18 months.

I had another one today:

Beef steak, thermostabilized - this one was actually good! Tasted, looked and smelled like beef. I ate half of it, and it 'twas tasty.
Mexican Rice - it also was fine. I ate 1/4 of the pack and other then the very top being a little dry from being stored in one orientation for long periods.
Beef Stick - it was a real-meat slim jim, not the stick style. It was fine, ate it all.
Caramel- came with a pack of caramels. They were still chewey, and good.
 
The dark brown ones are the old ones!! Hey that is what we had all the time, am I old now? :D Chicken and rice baby, always had M&Ms in it? Noone had any of the bread? That stuff with the peanut butter actually wasn't half bad. I ate so many of them when I was at Bragg that I think I'll learn to make snares and catch rabbits and stuff. We spent an average of 180 days in the field every year. I was there for 4 years you do the math, 2 (mre s a day) times 180 times 4. Thats enough clog stopper that I am still surprised when I can go to the bathroom normal. :p
P.S. Ranger date was classic.
 
Rich275 said:
From the internet, I give you this...

For those of us who have "endured" Meals-Ready To Eat (MRE's) and for anyone who has ever heard of them and wondered what they were like, this is a classic:

ARMY RANGER DATE

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually, and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.

I know, I'm an asshole, but it was still a funny night."
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laughing_chimp_ani.gif


:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


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A couple months ago there was a story on one of the news channels about an Army officer that was retiring.He was a Viet Nam vet and while he was there the pound cake that came in K rations(I don't think it was MRE) was his favorite thing to eat.He had saved his last can of pound cake when he left Vietnam.He ate the 30 year old pound cake at his retirement party and said it was as good as ever.
 
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