1000th post giveaway!

drink: captain superman!
favorite artist: green day
joke: four men are in a job interview for wal mart. the interviewer asks all four men

the same question "What is the fastest thing you can think of?"

The first man replies " a thought, a thought is the fastest thing i can think of, it happens pretty much spontaneously"

the interviewer replies, "great job"

The second man replies "a blink, it happens so fast you don't even know its going on"

the interviewer replies, "excellent"

the third man replies " well down on the farm, in my house i have a switch to turn on the lights in the barn, so i would have to say that the fastest thing i can think of is the speed of light"

the interviewer replies, " excellent answer, everyone associates everything getting done at the speed of light" she thinks she found her man!

the final man named "BUBBA" replies, " the fastest thing i can think of is diarrhea!"

the interviewer says "WHAT?!"

bubba says, "yeah the other night i wasn't feeling so good, so before i could think, blink, or turn the light on, i shit my pants!"

bubba is now your local wal mart greeter!
 
Favorite Drink: Bombay Sapphire Gin

Favorite Artist: George Strait

Favorite Joke: There's a Marine and a Sailor in the head taking a leak

When they're finished, the Marine starts to leave, while the Sailor is washing his hands and says to the Marine...

"In the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after we take a piss..."

Then the Marine says "In the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands."

HA HA HA!!!
 
Congrats on your 1000 posts. Im glad weve had a chance to talk shit a few times.

1. Jim Beam and coke

2. Like everything from Merle haggard to Korn but Wake up by three days grace right now.

3. Took my friend hunting last year, hes known to drink too much but he begged so i took him. I warned him to stay sober at least while in the woods and he agreed.
I dropped him at his stand and I went to mine. In a while I shot a descent 9 point. I drug the deer to his stand so he could help me take it back to camp but I found him passed out drunk leaned up on the tree.
I was a little angry and i decided to teach him a lesson. I slit open the deer and put the guts in his lap and smeared them on his face, then drug the deer back to camp.
After a long while I started to worry but then I saw him staggering his way back to camp leaning on a stick he had cut.
He looked aweful with the mess on his clothes and face. I asked him what happened and he said, "I got drunk and passed out and puked my guts out ..., but with the help of God and this crooked stick I got them all poked back down!":barf:
 
Drink: Diet Coke
Artist \ Song: Moody Blues - The Voice
Joke: A man was playing golf with his wife, who was basically along just for the walk. He hit an errant shot and found an old barn directly between his lie and the green. He told his wife to go throw open the barn doors so that he could hit the ball through the barn. She did so and stood to the side. He whacked the ball and unfortunately it hit his wife in the temple and she expired.

A few weeks later the man was playing the same course with a friend. On the same hole where the unfortunate incident had occurred his friend hit the ball behind the old barn. His friend exclaimed; " I know what I can do". "I'll just open the doors and hit the ball through the barn." Hearing this his companion said; "Forget it. I tried that a few weeks ago and took a double bogey."
 
1. Jameson, Irish Whiskey (neat)
2. Frank Zappa - "Titties and Beer".
3. Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why..

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet..

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'v:D
 
Congrats on hitting 1K :thumbup:

:D I might as well throw in.

1. Monster Java
2. The trooper, by Iron Maiden
3. There were 3 men standing at the pearly gates, St. Peter looked at the first one and said why don't you tell me how you ended up here and I'll decide if I'll let you in or not. The first guy started telling his story, "well I got off work early to go to my apartment because I wasn't feelin' so well. When I came home I discovered some candles lit and the house smelling good, so I got a little excited thinking my wife had a surprise or something for me. When I turned the corner she was standing there buck naked with an oh shit look on her face. I looked and over beside the bed was a pile of men's clothes none of which were mine. I demanded she tell me where he was but she wouldn't, I began looking around when I noticed the screen door to the deck opened. I went out onto the deck and looked and there was some guy hanging off of it holding on by nothing but his fingertips. The wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't calm down but I was so upset I really didn't care, I went ahead and smashed the piss out of the guys fingers and he fell of the deck into the bushes down below. Seeing his was still livin' I decided to fix it, the nearest thing I good find in my blind rage was a fridge we just had purchased but I hadn't taken the time to install or put anything in it. I managed to man handle it over to the deck and I dropped it right out that sorry bastard, right about that time the police showed up. They told me to freeze or they'd shoot..... looks like they weren't kidding."

St. Peter thought for a second and said, "hmm that's a pretty messed up story I'm not sure if I can let you in until I hear these other two guy's stories." So the second guy began telling his story of how he died. "Well I was a contractor working on replacing some shingles on an apartment building, I made a stupid mistake and lost my footing and ended up sliding of the roof. Thankfully I managed to catch onto the banister of a deck, but before I could pull my self up some lunatic came out and started smashing my fingers until eventually I just let go. Once again I thought god must be on my side because I landed in some thick bushes cushioning by fall, while I was cleaning myself off checking for injuries the same lunatic threw a effin fridge off the deck, obviously killin' me."

St. Peter thought for a second and look at the third and final guy, okay what's your story. The third guy looked at him and said, "well I was naked hiding in a fridge"
 
Congrats on your posts and congrats on this giveaway idea.
It is a great way to learn about others.

Favorite Drink: Used to be Big Red or the old formula Fanta Strawberry.
I can't drink sugary carbonated drinks anymore, so I am drinking unsweet tea with either lemon or lime.

Favorite Song: Voice of Truth by Castingcrowns

Joke: Will add later, thinking of a good one :)

Rat Pack Number 344, but don't put me in the contest, we are doing good for small knives right now and would rather someone in need wins.
 
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Here we go:

1) What is your favorite drink? Rum and Coke I can drink 'em all day. :)

2) What is your favorite song or artist? Tangled up in Blue By Bob Dylan

3) Tell your favorite joke:

This one my daughter told me when she was 4.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?

A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?

A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Thanks for the contest.

RP#353
 
Congrats on 1000th post.

1. Favorite Drink: Green Apple from Jone's Soda
2. Favorite Artist or Song: Won't Back Down by Johnny Cash
3. Favorite Joke:

There's a Christian who's hiking in the woods one day when he comes upon an angry bear.

The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, clearly preparing to charge.

In panic, the Christian started to run, but the bear followed close on his heels.

Finally the hiker came to a cliff. So he dropped to his knees and asked God to please make this bear a good Christian bear.

To the hiker's amazement, the bear suddenly stopped growling, fell to his knees and folded his paws together in prayer!

"Thank you, Lord!" exclaimed the Christian.

"Thank you, Lord!" exclaimed the bear, "for this meal I'm about to receive!"

RP# 321
 
He who would seek the prize must answer me these questions three.
1) What is your favorite drink? (alcoholic or non-alcoholic)

Seltzer

2) What is your favorite song or artist?

Favorite artist as of right now...Electric Wizard (oddly enough I don't smoke weed)


3) Tell your favorite joke. No dead baby jokes :barf: but most anything else is fair game.

What is a ninjas favorite drink?














WATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

(yelled out as if a ninja was swooping down on you..:D)


RAT Pack #34, thanks!
 
I guess I should add that I'd be honored to have Jeff/Tony/shotgunner11/MikePerrin enter this as well. Just because you're mods doesn't mean you're exempt from sharing!
 
1) What is your favorite drink? (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) Grand Marnier
2) What is your favorite song or artist? One Metallica
3) Tell your favorite joke. No dead baby jokes but most anything else is fair game.


What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean?







Bob....
 
1:my favorite drink is root beer:D
2: favorite artist is the rolling stones
3: if a quiz is a quizical wats a test?

thanks for the contest. ratpack # 32 thanks
 
My favorite drink is Coffee!

I like a lot of music from Country to Rock. Probably my favorites are the old school metal I grew up with. If I had to pick one it would be AC/DC "Highway to hell"

I like the little Johnny Jokes:

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "WhyJohnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

Rat Pack 355! Thanks!
 
Cool, I'm in. Thanks!!


1. Makers Mark...or Templeton Rye....or Glenlivet.

2. I dont really have an all time favorite artist or song, but "Old Time Feeling" by Guy Clark is my favorite at the moment.

3. A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar, bartender looks at them and asks, "What the hell is this, some kind of joke?"


Or, new favorite joke...

At a party, a drunken guest walks up to the hostess and asks "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any green toilet paper that says 'F%$ you' would you?"
The hostess, looks at him, laughing and bewildered, "No I should say that we do not!".

"Oh", said the drunk, "I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot."
 
Fav. Drink: Coffee
Fav. Artist: Johnny Cash
Fav. Joke: Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with
prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”
RP#22
 
Drink: cheap bourbon
Song/Artist: Tall Boy- Widespread Panic
Joke: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.


Rat Pack #228
 
RP #24

1. 4 oz Sailor Jerry and 12 oz of Coke Zero
2. David Allan Coe - You Never Even Called Me By My Name
3. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-I-Deer.

Thanks for the chance!
 
1) My favorite drink is Fanta, i just love it it's fresh and tasty. And alcoholic, it will be Red Wine
2) My favorite song is Discovery Channel- Bloodhound gang
3) Jan asks Bert "hey, do you know the joke of the toilet?" Bert says "No" and then says Jan: " Me neither the door was locked"
:p

Rat Pack number #225

Thanks for the contest!
 
Favorite Drink - Crown and Coke, followed closely by JWBlack and ice
Favorite Artist - Eagles
Favorite Joke -

A worker in a pickle factory is having emotional troubles and goes to see the psychiatrist.

"What's the problem, son?" asks the Doctor.

"Well, I keep having this recurring urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer" says the troubled worker.

"Really?" says the shrink, "That could be extremely damaging to yourself and hurt your future family life as well. You need to try and stop. Try to think of something else, like hunting or fishing or something."

"Ok, Doc, I'll try

The guy comes back two weeks later.

"Well son, what happened?" Asks the psychiatrist.

"I got fired"

"What?"

"Yeah, I gave in and stuck my penis in the pickle slicer"

"Oh my God! Are you alright? How are you getting along?"

"Oh, I'm ok. But I really feel bad for the pickle slicer"

"Why is that?"

"She got fired too"
 
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