WARNING! DO NOT READ THIS! IT WILL DO YOU NO GOOD!
Soooo... when I was a teenager, I had a crush on this pretty gymnist, Renee. That girl was about as hot as hot can get. My buddy, Tim, told me she was diggin me and so I schemed a plan together for an overnighter in a cave we knew about. Plan was going great. I managed to throw together a good amount of friends to come along (that way it feels nice and safe to the chicks. They don't think we'll try as much if we're in a group), some booze, firewood, and a sleeping bag. The guys all had their own chick coming so the ratio was right and it looked to be a fairly productive evening. Renee was looking extra hot that night.
We all got out to the spot and I got a fire going quick. It was just cold enough that it was necessary for the girls to cuddle up to the dudes for warmth. The stories all started and the bottles were being passed around. It wasn't too long before everyone was having too much fun. Then the stinky stuff started getting passed around. I don't know who brought it with them, but I curse them to this day.
After much fun and partying the night away, it started getting towards sleeping bag time. *evil grin* Renee and I climb into the sleeping bag and she starts telling me that she digs me and we start making out. Everything was going wonderfully wonderful.
I rounded first like a New York Yankee, outran the ball to second, dodged a tag at thrid, and was on my way to home plate and some fireworks. Unfortunately, there was an imaginary toilet at third base and Renee started barfing in it. I guess the booze and stinky stuff was just a bit too much for her and she had overdone it.
Shortly after a marathon of puke, she passed out in my sleeping bag. At this point, my mood wasn't the only thing that was blue. I had gotten WAY too close to just ignor everything. I decided, being a young guy and full of great ideas and no shame in front of nature, that I needed to go have some alone time off in the woods to ensure, not only my own health, but also the safety of others from my foul mood.
Off by myself, behind a big tree, not too far away from the hill where we parked, I took myself back to earlier that evening in my head. Things were already going much better than they had in real life. Well just as clouds were beginning to part, birds began to sing, and the Earth began to shake, I hear, "what the hell are you doing?" I turn around and who do I see? Renee, looking at me. I'm standing there, holding onto the tackle, completely frozen. She starts laughing and says, "I guess you won't mind if I go home and sleep it off then, yeah?" Then another voice in the dark says, "hey girl, you ready to... Dylan! WTF!" It was her friend who was about to give her a ride home. Meanwhile, I have yet to let go of the franks and beans. As if that wasn't enough, the sun came up... oh wait, that's just a big ass spotlight... attached to a cop car up on the hill as well as a couple of flashlights as they're walking towards me. Cop A says, "YOU! Drop what's in your hand!" I let go. Then as the flashlight is inspecting the current events, the cop says, "What the hell is this?" By now, some of the other friends have made it over there and are now, through their laughter, explaining to the police officers that we were just out there camping. Cop B says, "you wanna pull those britches up little fella?" At this point, I just sat down and lit a cigarette. What do you say at this point?
After some talks about private property, we were advised to leave the area. Before we left, I saw my date... the beautiful Renee... getting Cop A's phone number.
An embarassed RP#13
What fun would it be if you KNEW what you were getting. Ok I just like torturing ya'll. I promise it will be something you can open in front of your spouse, mom and/or kids.
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