A Couple of Sifus a Cape and Me.....

Vampire Gerbil

Vampire Gerbil

Gone, but not forgotten. RIP Dave
Platinum Member
Joined
Sep 21, 1999
Messages
1,819
Greetings My Fellow Americans (and any foreign dignitaries that are present)

In case ya didn't know, I was asked to run for Prezident of this great country. If you're interested in some of my candidational spewings, go to my Candidational Spewings Post.

That's not the main reason for me posting now though,
No Sir-Eee Bob-Bitski!!!

I'm posting here to share my joy with everyone regarding a new accessory to go with my campaigning wardrobe!!! Thanks to Doctor Welch and his seamstress connections, I now have an official, monogrammed cape!!!

Before you ask, "NRM" signifies my scientificalistical listing amongst the animal/vegetable kingdom.
(Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus)

Oh the joy!!!! Wooop-Dee-DOO!!!
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Now I have the final tools needed to defeat those other silly candidates. When the debates begin, I shall back slowly towards my opponents, allowing them to see:
View


While their mouths are agape in wonder (or in Gore's case, his left nostril hair will quiver), I shall turn around and expose myself thusly:
View


I can't wait for the questions to begin. In fact, I ask that questions be posed to me now, so that I may practice my witty quips (and hopefully be heard this time, unlike when I adhere to Spark's quote and wind up talking to myself..... )

ANYways, please feel free to ask how I, Vampire Gerbil, will respond as Prezident, to any situation that you can dream up.

The cape has already given me powers, I'm quite sure of that. Immediately after these pictures were taken, I dropped a piece of buttered toast on the floor and it landed butter-side up!

If that's not proof enough, I'll devise other means of proof. Unfortunately, I only live in a 3 story house, otherwise pictures of a flying VG would be all over the place.

Your questions are greatly anticimapated.

Doctor Welch and your Seamstress, I wholeheartedly thank you for your gift. My wife and daughters were overwhelmed as well.
("You mean those knife people actually know where we live???")

Moving to a house with less of a skeleton in the closet problem,
I remain,
VAMPIRE GERBIL (FOR PREZIDENT)

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Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.

 
Some how I don't feel any smarter for opening up this thread... (
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)

Sincerely,
Adam

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Self improvement is a hobby of mine :).

 
I'm glad your taking this campaign thing seriously.Here are some of the questions that you asked for. I think we should all do our part to get you elected.
If/when you become president, what are you going to do about all those stupid knife laws?
Will you increase the punishment for people who use knives in crime and make all of us here get stared at when we use our knives in public? ? What kind of punishments would the VG hand out to people who make knives look bad?
Will the leatherman micra become standard military issue for hand to hand combat?

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Fix it right the first time, use Baling Wire !
 
Adamanteater - As long as you're not any dumber for opening it, you're doing a lot better than me.
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Gene, If he didn't inhale, how do you think he is going to have any Hope of explaining these photos? Or those Tatoos?

Matt, You asked: What kind of punishments would the VG hand out to people who make knives look bad?

Do you really want VG to start flaggelating himself? That's so kinky that even I, the Prezidential spokesperson, couldn't even begin to explain it away.

VG, are you Sure you know what N.R.M. means? I thought it meant Not Really a Man. But then it occured to mean that maybe it meant Not Really Mad, but your as crazy as they come. I think you could get any with (especially important as a New Jersey citizen) with Never Ran the Mafia. Maybe the Best we can do will be Not Really Mean. But folks that see these photos probably won't believe their eyes.

You have Got to be more careful about letting half nude pictures of yourself with a couple of beautiful ladies get out in public. If this sort of behavior continues, I going to have a Real hard time explaining your antics to all those sheeple. You need some of their votes too, ya know. The Horde will no doubt vote for you en masse (on our way to church). But there are almost 100 million actual voters in this Great Land, and only about 40 Horde members so far.

Paracelsus, Prezidential Spokesman (at least for a while anyway)

[This message has been edited by Paracelsus (edited 27 December 1999).]
 
Just a suggestion, Mr. Candidate sir, but a really miraculous demonstration of your magical powers could be obtained by:

1. Buttering 4 pieces of toast
2. Taping the toast butter side up to the feet of any cat
3. Dropping the cat

This is a truly amazing example of superior intelligence. As everyone knows, cats will Never land on their backs, only on their feet. Since the toast will only land butter side down, the cat will be unable to hit the ground, and will revolve around as if levitated in the air by some miraculous power.

ParcelPost (ya know, that Other guy)

Kiddies, please DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. This experiment is better left to the experts who can take all the proper safety precautions.
 
You know I've been playing this great computer game recently. You're fighting these horrific monsters; vampires, werewolves, zombies, the living dead. It's so creepy and scary I almost wet myself playing it once when a zombie came crashing through a window. However, nothing compares to the sheer horror I experiece everytime VG posts his picture. Luckily I love being scared!
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"Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n"
John Milton
There are only two types of people; those who understand this, and those who think they do.
 
Yes mr. Prezidentia man to be...just one question..What are you gonna do about all those wacky super-human wannabies like say, Super Man, or Spider Man, or even the human wannabies like Clinton?
We need a strong, vigilant Vampiric Gerbil guy like yourself to lead us in the oncoming future -tell me when it gets here- and i praise your courage in running for prezident!

GOD SAVE THE VAMPIRE GERBIL AND ALL HIS KIN!

ps. love the picture...you make those Sifus look like the toothpicks i keep telling my friends they are, but to no avail...i think i should print that out and laugh in their faces!...though they'd probably run and hide and i'd never see 'em again....ah well..
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"I wouldn't mind you being inside my head if you weren't clearly so crazy."

"Suddenly there came a tapping, as of some one gently rapping,
rapping at my chamber door." Tis only me with my Sifu, nothing more. ;)


 
Matt - WHEN I become prezident, I shall outlaw any legislation regarding kinves. If a law has the word "knife, blade, switchblade" or any other term relating to sharp, slicy things, I will hunt down the law and beat it with a shovel.
If people use knives in crimes, they will be dealt with exactly as any other person convicted of high crimes such as loitering, spitting on airport runways, armed robbery and tailgating. I prefer not to reveal my soloution at this time, but I can give you a hint.
It involves a shovel.... and for tailgating, it also involves a fork.
As for people making a knife look "bad"...
keep an eye out for the guy that came up with that circuitboard cyberknife and anyone that attempts to buy G-10 in a plaid pattern!
The Micra shall be standard issue, as well teaching all SpecOps personnel the Art of Micra Wak Do, of which I am a 7th degree fucia belt.

GeneL - Actually, I never completely exhaled.

Parcelpost - What tattoos?
As for self flaggelation... if I could do that I'd NEVER leave the house!!!

Actually, I was assuming that "NRM" definition. I'll wait for Doc Walt to ellaborate rather than admit to being in the Mafia.

You mean you saw the pictures of me and ladies in the same frame? I'm sure there was some re-touching done somewhere as I tend to frighten the fairer sex.... I tend to frighten the UNfairer sex too, now that I think about it!

I attempted the "tape toast to a kitty" trick but the cat faxed itself before I could get to a conclusion.
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Johan - I believe I know the game that you're referring to. I've seen it in arcades where the screen is about 4 feet wide, making the monsters about the same size as a normal "person". Good thing I wasn't carrying at the time, otherwise the orange plastic revolver woulda been tossed and the 4 foot screen woulda been filled with .45 caliber holes.

By the way, you're not mad that I wanna bomb Canada, are you?
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ValinKrow - I plan on outlawing any superhero with a cape larger than my own.
Feel free to use my image as you see fit.... within reason.

Gosh, it sure is sleepy outside.... time for nappies.

Goodnight, and God Bless.

IB VG 4 Prez

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Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.

 
Damn,

I respect you more now that I've seen your pictures. I'll buy you a beer if I ever see you in the local watering hole, you'd gain a few votes down this way.

JK
 
VG: bomb canada?? ehh?? well, since my brother just returned from the U. of Waterloo in Canada (he's actually getting two PhDs there and has to put up with so many "stupid Americans" jokes that his ears are still burning)- let's just say that you have my vote...and my brother's also!!
 
Jedeye - I understand your newfound respect for me. You noticed that one of the Sifus was marked "#69!
I'll have to pass on the beer though. I stopped drinking alcohol in October due to a booboobelly.
But feel free to buy me a can of spraypaint!
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Kelt - Glad to have you and your brother's vote. Personally I think it's high time we went toe-to-toe with Canada. The way they just sit there above us... waiting... watching..... really gives me the heebie jeebies!

Chewing on elbow, I remain,
VG

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Vampire Gerbil: Nosferatus Rodentus Moderatus; similar to a domestic gerbil, except for the odd accent and little black cape.

 
For some reason I cannot get past a post from Vampie Gerbil. . . I don't intend to click on it, I don't necessarily want to click on it, but somehow it just seems to happen.

All I can say about the toast is that you must have buttered the wrong side
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Mike
 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...whew.
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VG, you are too much. No, not too much, just enuff! Love that cape!

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A dedicated ELU
Buck Collectors Club Member
Knifeknut(just ask my wife)

[Removed the scrolling screen of death - Spark]


[This message has been edited by Spark (edited 28 December 1999).]
 
It looks like the rest of the costume is on scale with the cape. Its going to be a restless sleep tonight.
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I am truly amazed at how well the cape turned out. I view it as a major achievement in parenting.

You know, you start out with those simple commands like: don't touch the hot stove, don't cross the street without looking both ways. Pretty soon you progress to don't leave cover without reloading, make sure you use plenty of chain before you toss your late enemy off the bridge...things like that.

But you know you have really achieved exalted parenting status when you can say to your daughter, 'Judy, could you make a cape for a Vampire Gerbil and send it to him?' And she does. Without questions; without flinching. Without calling the men in the white coats.

I suppose I should have advised her of the actual size of VG, as she assumed that he was of average gerbil size, but who actually knows what size he is when he turns into his vampiric form?

Anyway, I am glad you like it, VG. May you wear it in pride on many a moonlight flight.

Walt
 
Dr. Welch, I think the cape is stunning. It's the rest of the stuff in the picture that hurts my eyes. The relatively small size of the cape in relation to VG just makes it all the more comedic and ironic. Please tell your daughter she is a fantastic seamstress. Really nice job! BTW: you seem to have some sort of Magic power over your children. Are you a Vampire too?
 
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