Ahoy Mateys !

Kevin the grey said:
Are ye sure you won,t come aboard ? I just spied your happy yellow pirates . We could use a man such as ye .You,ll be given first dip in the swill bucket each evening .
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pirateducks.jpg

Arrhh! spoken like a true buccaneer!, we'd be happy ter jern the crew of the black duck, long as it don't cost us an arm and a leg! me mateys are fond of them there appendages & reserve the right to defends them against unruley removal wots against the pirates code! put some salt pork in the swill wonsa week & yer gots a deal!
 
As I use the swill bucket to wash me toes I canst put no salt pork in . It affects me athletes foot . Tells ye whatI,ll do . We,ll give you a swill bucket all yer own . Ye,ll have to defend it against the first mate though . It used to be his chamber pot .
 
yer been keepin that athlete's foot in the swill bucket agin? 'bout time we ketch a fresh athlete then, thet ol' foots mostly bones and gristle now i'd be wagerin', time fer some fresh meat, mebbe a thigh this time. millie & blue are real fond of chasin' down them athlete's wots thinkin they's fast - they ain't.

ye be spoilin' us'ns with our own swill bucket & all, we'll even put a fresh whole athlete in 'er & lets yer 1st mate lick up all the drool.

p.s. - doc duck tells me sea salt is good fer yer toes, but yer gotta get them old rotten athlete's eyballs out o the swill ferst as they spoils the view.
 
Ooops...... If I finished that title I mioght be looking for another ship to Captain . Off to the brig I would go .

Its time for the Captains joke . As the title suggests it may not be suitable for those of tender sensibilities so keep a weather eye out for yer cannon fodder .(kids)

My thanks to ye who have shared this adventure on the high seas .

Once when I was a younger lad and had both me legs the British Navy had me Blockaded in harbor . There was no way I could put to sea without facing ups to three Ships O, the line . And me with one water logged and worm ridden deck beneath my feet . It was the gallows for me if they caught me so I decided to put to sea no matter what . With my loyal crew to back me up I sailed out to meet em . The moment we gots within cannon range they opened up on us . Don,ts ye know it but a musket ball whizzes by me head and takes off half me ear . Captain , Captain ! You,ve been hurt and you are bleeding cried the first mate . Quiet blast ye I whispered . We don,ts want to alarm the crew .Brings me a red bandanna to wear on me head to hide the color of the blood . I was barely out of the harbor entrance when a cannon ball smashed into the hull of the ship and wood went flying everywhere . Wouldn,t you know it one of the pieces struck me and tore off half me arm . Captain , Captain ! Half your arm is torn off and you are bleeding like a stuck pig . Quiet you scurilous dog I seethed between clenched teeth . Bring me my red jacket so,s I can cover up the wound and disguise the color of the blood . We can,t let the crew know I am injured .
So the little darling brought me my red jacket and pinned the arm up to hide the jagged end and stem the tide of blood .
Just then another broadside of cannon shot was let loose . One of the balls bounced along the deck passing between me two knees close enough to set the hairs on me codpiece aflame . Captain , Captain . You are on fire !
I looks down and puts out the flame with my one good hand . I managed to gulp out weakly... Shut up and bring me my brown pantaloons .
 
Arrrgh...Here's one fore yeee......A little boy meets a Pirate who has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and a black patch over one eye. Lil' boy says, says he, "Mister, How'd yee lose yer leg?". The pirate says "Arrrggh, a few years back I was keel-hauled fer bad behavior..an' a shark got me leg."

Lil' boy says "Well, how'd you lose your hand?" Pirate says, "A few months ago we 'as boarding a ship, an' one of their lads cut off me hand wif a cutlass!"

The little boy asked "Then, how'd you lose your eye?" The pirate scratches his chin and says " Oh my, laddie, that was a black day indeed. I looked up, and a seagull shat in me eye." The lil' boy he says, says he "That wouldn't make you blind!" The pirate says "Arrrrgh, donn't I know it! That there was my first day with me new hook!!!"
 
related:

Question: What did Captain Hook die from?
Answer: Jock Itch.

What's a pirates favourite letter? - Ahrrrr!

What's a Pirates second favourite letter - P , cus it's an Ahrrr with a leg missin'
 
Kevin the grey said:
I has one for you here . What pirate movie is this from ?

" You have acute hearing . "

If ye can answer it blast ya you must come up with one to stump me and the rest of the Cantina crew .
(Oops a pirate should never say stump me . L:O:L

If ye can,t answer it you bilge swilling landlubber ye must give the crew a pirate joke . It must be a stump thumper or we,ll make ye walk the plank .
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Was that Yellowbeard?
 
bilestoad said:
Was that Yellowbeard?
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Ahrrr matey that ship has sailed . If ye can tell me the name of the actor with the ,cute earing , yer Captain will pardon yer tardiness . Nots only that ye will get a shiny gold dubloon to spend in the ships stores . We,s having a special on used peg legs this week .
 
and they's been artisticly nibbled by the ships rats and worms into decorative appendages at very little extra cost. we gots ter pay fer thet extra slops bucket someways.
 
Kevin the grey said:
Ahrrr matey that ship has sailed . If ye can tell me the name of the actor with the ,cute earing , yer Captain will pardon yer tardiness . Nots only that ye will get a shiny gold dubloon to spend in the ships stores . We,s having a special on used peg legs this week .
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John Cleese?
 
bilestoad said:
John Cleese?
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We has us a winner . I thinks the role he played was ,Blind Bill , . Don,ts be quoting me on this . Its been a decade or two since I last laid me spyglass on that picture .

Ye may pick up yer prize at the ships stpres before eight bells . It can has up to the value of one shiny dubloon .
I hates to mention this at such a time . There is a late fee for signing on board after the ship has sailed . Ahrrr lets see ? I thinks I,ll makes it two dubloons . Ye can pay me the difference whens we boards our first prize ship . Thens of course there is the fee for delousing your hammock . L:O:L

Oh its a pirates life for me .
 
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