Any Help Is Appreciated Please

T

TwitchyBlade

Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
1,041
Today is my girlfriends and my 3 year anniversary or at least it would be if we hadn't broken up 3 days ago. We both started dating when we were young and she felt like she still needed to experience life and that she didn't know if i was "the one." So we mutually broke up and decided to see other people. And to let her get that out of her system. At first i was okay with it, but I've just been a wreck the past few days and i don't know what to do. She was my first real relationship and i have never been with anyone else. Especially someone like her. She said she had feelings for someone and wanted to make them go away. And felt the only way was to date him and see where things went. And like i said before, i was ok with this in the beginning but now im just losing it and dont know what to feel anymore... I would go into more detail with this but i just fear someone finding this and blackmailing me if i go further with this. But I just need someone to give me an opinion of what to do.

Mods please DONT move this to whine and cheese i honestly cant take more pain.
 
As bad as it seems right now, you are having a normal human experience. All through life, we develop relationships with people: family, classmates, friends, and finally the more personal and emotional relationships destined to become lifelong companionship -- if it lasts so long. Because quite often it does not last, and quite often the ending does not make sense, either.

The first reactions are shock or grief or anger but the rational response should be acceptance that the next step is up to you. When the other person needs time to find herself, that time is the rest of her life, and it should be the rest of yours as well. Go somewhere else. Don't wait for her to find herself, with this one or the next one. Find a new relationship for yourself, move on with confidence and relief that something that wasn't going to work out has ended so neatly. No years of increasing bitterness, no fights, no financial entanglement.

The sun comes up each morning. Along with that sunrise, get up and go.

a soft summer afternoon

Sitting on a soft summer afternoon
on the hillside overlooking Turtle Pond,
the Delacorte Theatre underneath a daylit moon,
and a brightly colored kite, waving like a magic wand.

Days when we were still together,
days before we split apart,
days when there was nothing we couldn't weather,
days before your leaving broke my heart.

I'm glad that I've forgotten all those happy days;
and we can go in peace our separate ways.

-- EB
Click to expand...
 
Your first and certainly not last real relationship.
Learn from the experience and move on with your life because she has no clue yet what she wants in a guy, let alone life. Maybe neither of you do?

Get up tomorrow, pull on your jeans and start a new chapter in your life.

Best of luck to you.
 
Esav Benyamin said:
As bad as it seems right now, you are having a normal human experience. All through life, we develop relationships with people: family, classmates, friends, and finally the more personal and emotional relationships destined to become lifelong companionship -- if it lasts so long. Because quite often it does not last, and quite often the ending does not make sense, either.

The first reactions are shock or grief or anger but the rational response should be acceptance that the next step is up to you. When the other person needs time to find herself, that time is the rest of her life, and it should be the rest of yours as well. Go somewhere else. Don't wait for her to find herself, with this one or the next one. Find a new relationship for yourself, move on with confidence and relief that something that wasn't going to work out has ended so neatly. No years of increasing bitterness, no fights, no financial
entanglement.

The sun comes up each morning. Along with that sunrise, get up and go.
Click to expand...


+1... Good advice. Although it seems like life is not good right now, in time it will turn around, and hopefully be better than it was before..
 
Wow! +1 Esav!
You must secretly be an advice columnist for a newspaper...
Dear Esav... :D
Great advice!
 
Esav is correct. I know because I was where you are and allowed myself to stay there for too long. That was 15 years ago and she is stll trying to "find herself". It is very difficult to believe but you will meet another special person and chances are be happier than ever before. Spend time with friends and family doing the things you enjoy.
 
If it is only your 3 year anniv, and you said you started dating "when you were young", you still must be young (but it may not seem like it). Esav has great advice. First real relationships are hard to get over, always. Best of luck, you'll be OK, I promise!
 
What Esav said so very well. Look forward not back and be glad she was honest with you now and that you have fond memories instead of all the times you caught her cheating on you.

Life, especially dating, at your age is such an adventure. I know it's easier said than done, but let go, move on and have fun!
 
Can't say it better than Esav ! :thumbup:
She's not the only fish in the sea, it hurts now but you'll see.

Doug
 
Your young and yes it sucks but you really don't want to stay with someone who does not want you bud , believe me that the ones that stray will alway look at the other side of the fence.

She is in that young experimentation mode and staying in the loop while she plays around will rip you apart and eat you up mentally.

Stop thinking about it and get moving, go to the gym, go for beers with friends, get outside and play with some steel. Occupy yourself with tasks instead of living in your head, it just makes things worse just like picking at a scab.
You can cause yourself way too much grief if you play the "what if , if only, maybe if I change........." It is just mental masturbation to be blunt.


Dust yourself off, call the best pickup artists you know and throw yourself back into the game with some motivated wingmen whether you think you are ready or not.

Do yourself a favour and refuse to call, email or text. You can answer but be a little distant.
No woman will respect a man that will be dumped to explore, and then walked on and ignored but comes running when called. If there is a hope for you guys together again (doubtful) it will come by way of her respecting the man up way you handle this. Meaning be tough, don't be a friend about it, tell her it sucks and while she is seeing other people you can't be around for the details.

Been there done that 24 years of dating with 2 ex fiance's and a newlywed wife.

Pretend you have a friend that is going through this same situation and has asked your opinion. Without being emotionally involved you would give him an informed answer. Now play tough love on yourself and apply it.
 
Your just lonely. Scared to be alone.

I suggest finding some attachment free physical intimacy to take the edge off.

No it wont replace her but it will start to recondition your mind to understand that you can go on and be ok with out her.

Your male reproductive organ is not just to get rid of waste fluid. Think of it as a joy stick or game controller there to help you take hold of your emotional self.

Good luck man....
 
Justabuyer said:
Your male reproductive organ is not just to get rid of waste fluid. Think of it as a joy stick or game controller there to help you take hold of your emotional self.
Click to expand...

Double entendre? :D

But honestly speaking, I find that whenever I have trouble putting into words how I'm feeling, or I need help trying to understand a situation, reading poetry helps. I'm partial to Yeats. Here's one entitled, "The Young Man's Song."

I whispered, "I am too young,"
And then, "I am old enough";
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
"Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair,"
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

Oh, love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away,
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.
Click to expand...
 
Justabuyer said:
Your just lonely. Scared to be alone.

I suggest finding some attachment free physical intimacy to take the edge off.

No it wont replace her but it will start to recondition your mind to understand that you can go on and be ok with out her.

Your male reproductive organ is not just to get rid of waste fluid. Think of it as a joy stick or game controller there to help you take hold of your emotional self.

Good luck man....
Click to expand...

Hell yea, go get some strange.

Either it will get her goat and she will come running back to you, or if she doesn't you really wont care as much...
 
Same thing happend to me man, i was in a relationship for 5 years, when she did that to me i felt worse about the break up then when my Dad died, but i dont need to tell you how to deal with it because Esav Benyamin already said it best. Good Luck
 
It sucks and you may never get over it. But that's called "life."

You can't change the way someone else feels. And trying to force it will only make you both miserable.

Sorry buddy, that's just the way it goes.
 
"TwitchyBlade"
she didn't know if you "were the one" after 3 years of dating?
dude, you must know that love is blind.
and matters of the heart can't be to easily controlled.
she's may have been considering about matters of personal "security" perhaps.
true love is about chemistry, and once the right pair hits it off - it pays to never look back and hope for the best.
in all honesty, a serious relationship in these times must depend on a lot more than just love and fresh air for the long term...
the question about falling in love is ... what, when and why exactly did we allow our hearts to rule our mind?
 
Esav Benyamin said:
As bad as it seems right now, you are having a normal human experience. All through life, we develop relationships with people: family, classmates, friends, and finally the more personal and emotional relationships destined to become lifelong companionship -- if it lasts so long. Because quite often it does not last, and quite often the ending does not make sense, either.

The first reactions are shock or grief or anger but the rational response should be acceptance that the next step is up to you. When the other person needs time to find herself, that time is the rest of her life, and it should be the rest of yours as well. Go somewhere else. Don't wait for her to find herself, with this one or the next one. Find a new relationship for yourself, move on with confidence and relief that something that wasn't going to work out has ended so neatly. No years of increasing bitterness, no fights, no financial entanglement.

The sun comes up each morning. Along with that sunrise, get up and go.
Click to expand...

Brother Esav......you said it best!!!!!
 
It hurts now, but time will heal this painful wound. It's probably a blessing in disguise. Be open minded, free of bitterness and move forward. The right person is out there waiting for you. Stephen
 
Twitch
I'm guessing your still young,(under 25)

Move on, I remember when I broke up with my first love my senior year of high school I thought I would die from the pain. 25 years later She tried to friend me on face book and I had a hard time remembering who she was. And we were in separable for two years. Your whole life is a open book this is a sad chapter but there are hundreds of other chapters to write yet in your young life.
 
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