hollowdweller said:
..I think people should do as much as they can...to make kids feel safe and loved.
Agreed. For us, a big part of that was to never tell the kids a lie or to do anything that wasn't totally honest, even if it meant going against accepted social and cultural norms. So, we never let them "believe" in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, or Jesus.
We took part in the traditions, such as when a tooth fell out, they would leave it by their bed and there would be some money in the morning, left by the "Tooth Fairy", but they knew where the money came from and we discussed that the Tooth Fairy legend was useful so kids wouldn't be scared when they lost their teeth. They liked the idea that they were losing "baby teeth" and growing up and the money was a reward for that. They didn't need to believe in the Tooth Fairy, but used it as a metaphor for the process.
At Easter they took part in egg hunts, and got tons of candy, some of it shaped like rabbits, but they knew that it came from the grocery story and the Easter Bunny was just a seasonal icon. Some of their friends actually believed that the Easter Bunny brought the candy.
We celebrated the Christmas season and they got lots of junk and toys. We never told them that Santa brought the stuff. They knew better. Santa was like the Easter Bunny, a fun seasonal icon and the representation of the secular spirit of the season.
I know many people will object to Jesus being considered in this same light, but for us, it was important not to instill "belief" in our kids. We taught them that Jesus was a teacher, a holy man who taught a form of the "Universal Truth", the essence of which exists across all spiritual teaching. We taught them this "Truth" or "Way" or "Path", had to do with understanding your place in the Universe and your individual relationship with God. Ritual, Dogma, and Faith belonged to the realm of "Religion" and were not necessarily a part of the "The Way".
If they were interested in the "religion" part of it, they could go to church with their friends and observe that. They had friends who were Catholic, Mormons, Buddhist, Muslim, and Christian. They attended various services and events and learned different ways and beliefs. When they attended the Fundamentalist churches they always got saved - many times.
I think that by us never forcing them to believe something that they would later find to be not true or open to individual interpretation, gave us firm grounds for communication. They could ask us anything and they knew that the answer would be the objective truth presented the best way we could without shadings of faith or belief.
Of course the argument could be made that everything we taught them or didn't teach them was filtered through our personal value system and in that respect was no different from what any other parents taught their kids.