Aren't non-knife people fun?

F

fishbulb

Joined
Sep 18, 2001
Messages
1,196
Over the last two weeks I've had several run-ins with people who were not very cutlery oriented. All of them were quite funny, so I thought I'd share them.



I was at my cousin's house, and I noticed a set of Henckels 5-star kitchen knives on her counter. Like any true knifenut I immediately began inspecting and handling them with a dopey grin on my face. She noticed and said "I heard those are, like, really good knives. They never need to be sharpened. I don't like them, they don't work very well." Of course, by the time she was halfway through "never need to be sharpened" I was happily honing away. After that she tried one again and said "Oh, now it works".

I went to Wal-mart to pick up a last minute gift for a friend (Buck Odyssey) and just for kicks pretended to be totally knife ignorant and asked the dude behind the counter "which one of these is a good folder?" After looking down on a case full of good Bucks, Gerbers, Schrades, and Kershaws; he turned around and indicated a $4 "Ozark Trails" lockback that was a blatant piece of garbage. He then said " This one here will do everything you need, all those in the case there are just a waste of money. A knife's a knife, right?":rolleyes:

I got to watch my fellow office workers struggle for almost 15 minutes to open a package because none of them had a sharp implement. This was a very heavy-duty plastic bag for shipping machine parts, about 1/4 inch thick. I watched from accross the hall as they tried their keys, their teeth, and a plastic fork; trying my best not to laugh out loud. After I got bored I walked over and opened the bag in an instant with my Spydercard. As I walked away I heard someone say "Why in the world would anybody need a knife like that?"

I just thought these were fun, please feel free to share any other good non-knife people stories.
 
...That's one of the reasons why I always carry my monster REKAT Sifu...It makes a GREAT steak-knife in a "fancy" resturant.:D.:eek:.:D.
 
my wife and I had to pick up a crate from an overseas shipper in seattle.

well it didn't quite fit in the station wagon so we had to tie down the back. The 2 guys looked around for some rope and I had already pulled a mini kit out of the car and took out some para-cord and was just about to tie it when he got back with some cheaper quality cordage so I figured I'll use that. I then tied the door down. Seeing that there was some left over length, one of the guys said he would go find a knife. My spyderco was out, the cordage was cut and it was put in my pocket before he barely finished the sentence. They just looked each other totally surprised. I smiled and we drove off.


Factory workers surprised at seeing a knife and not having one. What is this world coming to! seriously :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
I work in an office where until recently I carried whatever I wanted as far as blades...now down to Spyderco Ladybug !!...but before usually at least a Delica or larger. You have no idea how many times I had people trying to open boxes...Fedex packages etc. and then I take out a Spyderco Delica and open stuff in two seconds and they look at me and ask why I need to carry a weapon.
Have even had a girl hint that my carrying a knife is to make up for my feelings of inadequecy. After I stopped crying I had to go buy myself another knife just to make myself feel better.

I swear in 2002..I am NOT going to help out anyone in need of knife ( unless iy is life-threatening situation)...but being as I am , as my co-workers call me, a real a**hole...I WILL let these people that need a knife KNOW I have one but they may not use it !!!

That will teach them non-blade toting lumpen.
Well , NO it won't but it will be fun to see them breaking their fingernails.
 
Funny, I get along without a Cell-phone, GPS, Palm-pad, beeper, walkman, vibrating neck massager, voice mail, or any of the other assorted modern gadjets people find need for. Shoot, I only check e-mail because we don't use memos at work anymore (and someone from the knife or woodworking forums I visit may e-mail me:)). But without even a small SAK, I feel kind of lost! I don't give other people crap about "needing" the above sort of items, so why should they feel obligated to question my "need" for a knife, the oldest of human tools? Kinda crazy if you ask me!

Steve
 
I strongly encourage havin a knife at my place of work. Now, when something requires a knife, there are usually 3 or 4 offered. I took in my lansky and showed em all how to tighten up edged, and reprofile. The engineers think we surveyors are nuts, but we don't ever have to bother THEM for a cutting implement. :D
 
To tell you the truth, I just don't understand people that don't carry a knife. I think it is plain stupid not to have such a versatile tool.
 
I have worked in the same machine shop for the last , 16 plus years. For a long period of that time, people were either shocked at my knives or thought it was funny that I had a need for knives. As the years have passed, more and more people have been brought over into the light. I have converted MANY over to knife carriers and users. The only downfall is that they haven't all learned to sharpen their own yet. You all can guess where that leaves me, {especially at hunting season}! I do end up popular. It has been gratifying to see more pocket clips and Leatherman sheaths appear over the years.
For those that will never learn and ask why I need a knife. My response is always. "How can you get by without one"?
 
I got to watch my fellow office workers struggle for almost 15 minutes to open a package because none of them had a sharp implement. ...As I walked away I heard someone say "Why in the world would anybody need a knife like that?"
Click to expand...
That is priceless, and sums up the sheeple mindset exactly. After experiencing a situation that should have taught them precisely why someone would "need a knife like that," they remain oblivious to that fact.
 
I once used my Delica, in the office, to open a large padded envelope. A passing co-worker stopped, stared, and asked "Is that thing legal?" I assured him it was - but also made a mental note never to use my Matriarch (which was in my left front jean pocket) to open envelopes around the office!
 
after working in a corparate setting for awhile. I got totally fed up! besides knife stuff but all kinds of other crap. so I quit and said I was going camping. they really freaked out, first I didn't have a job lined up, and second "going camping".

I went on a long hike to figure stuff out. like what makes me happy :D :D :D

when I came back I held off getting a job for a month or so. then there was an opening at a knife shop. I took it. it was a tremendous paycut. but you know what I was so f**king happy! you you meet so many people who love knives and alot are women, really! of course there are alot of people that you meet who are oblivious to common sense, but hey that is everywhere. I worked there for 2 years and don't regret a moment of it. only I wish I bought more knives than I did.
 
There was one i went to the usual haunt to check the latest knives avalible ...... this day there were an overly friendly promoter trying to convince me to buy some Rambo type survival knives with all its implements ....... i ask to see a Buck Crosslock and without hesistating this guy with lots of practice whip out the blade for my inspection (one-handed) .... impressive but he didn't get his thumb fully on the thumb stud and it slipped and ... oucccch !!!! ... cut his thumb badly ... but being a good salesman he bit his teeth and applied pressure to his cut and still trying to close the half-open blade ... i ask whether he need some things to stop the bleeding and good naturely he refused ... great sales man ...... bought a Buck fast knife shaperner from him ........ one advise non-knife person are just too dangereous around one-handed knives ... even some normal slip joint ...... my friends keep cutting themselves on my SAK ... don't know how .... while they inspect the 'shapeness' of the blade and cleverly run thier finger across (parallel) the blade ... ouccch !!!!! ...this is why they are so scared of knives ...... 'those buggers bites !!!! and also render them brainless when dealing with sharp objects ..... they shine themselves in the eyes by placing aa Surefire flashlight approximately 2 inch from their eyes and blam !!!! .... blinded for 5 minutes ...... they also manage to be in the places when i'm using my knives and comment 'gee you're dangerous' and come around later to borrow your flashlights and knives to check their stalled car engine in the night and open large heavy packeges ....... go figures ????


oink...oink...Bob
 
I’ve downgraded and the only knife ive been carrying lately is my MT option II. I’ve opened boxes envelopes etc and gotten funny looks but it never fails that when a coworker needs something sharp ill get asked.

Zachary
 
At one job I had, just by chance, I hadn't ever used knives around my coworkers. But I was still the one guy they asked for a knife when they did need one.

I guess knife personality shows through.

Phil
 
. As the years have passed, more and more people have been brought over into the light. I have converted MANY over to knife carriers and users.
Click to expand...

You got them outta the dark, now all they need is to learn to use the light.
 
And for those who keep asking you to use your knives, tell them to get their own.
Do not help these people after the second time around.
Let them suffer for their foolishness.
 
I guess it's because my office is located in a smaller town, but most of my co-workers carry knives. Even my fellow necktie-clad engineers have Leatherman and Gerber multi-tool sheaths on their belts. When I bring out my Cold Steel 4" Voyager clip point to open a box, nobody breaks a stride walking by or working around me.

One side note: I've learned too late what everyone else seems to know at the office. Pocket clips and dress pants don't mix! The softer fabrics are more easily frayed, so I'm going to have to switch to a sheath knife like everyone else. My Kershaw Doublecross is on its way! Heck, it goes better with my tie anyhow.
 
Originally posted by D7reamers
And for those who keep asking you to use your knives, tell them to get their own.
Do not help these people after the second time around.
Let them suffer for their foolishness.
Click to expand...

Ugh...I have made that mistake, once and that was enough. I keep mine sharp, I mean whats the use if ya don't. Well a guy I was workin with asked to borrow a knife, for unspecified reasons. I thought the fella had a clue as to what proper knife use meant. I got back a cracked blade....oh was I ever angry. He had been cutting burlap off tree root-balls. Blade was hosed in the edge department, butter knife in my view. Musta been prying too, something I thought even a noob to knives would know NOT to do. I made him buy me a new one, and in the process, converted him to a knive nut. Now he calls me up to tell me his new purchases. I still rib him about the broken knife.
 
Amen !

But. . .sometimes they can be down right "stupid !"

We have some equipment at work that's supposed to be modified and I have several personnel that have received special training to perform the modifications. Any hoo. . . I get a call from my assigned supply guy stating that all of the modification kits have arrived and wanted to know what I wanted him to do with them.

This is a big problem. . .we're not to store nor control the kits. There is another agency that's supposed to perform that function. In fact, several weeks ago when the kits were being assembled I was asked where I wanted the kits sent. I sent a e-mail to the person who's supposed to track the kits the address/person/agency that would receive and store the kits. :confused:

So. . .I called the "Kit Tracker Dude."

Me: "Kit Tracker Dude," why did you send the modification kits to me ? You know that I'm not supposed to store nor control the kits until the equipment is being modified ! Don't you remember the e-mail directing you to ship to another agency ? This is BS ! Get your A@# over here right now and get the kits out of my shop !

Kit Tracker Dude: On my way sir.

Kit Tracker Dude arrives. . .we get him signed in and the necessary "visitor" badges pinned onto his little "office wienie shirt." We stroll him to the back side of our facility ~ where we have the kits.

Kit Tracker Dude: OH WOW. . .I didn't know they were that big ! And so many ! Sir, I don't think that the other place can store this much stuff. And, and, and. . .I didn't bring a truck with me.

Me: :confused: I shoot him one of my I may have to inflict some pain looks at the "Kit Tracker Dude." Not my problem and dont' wanna hear it "Dude !" You know that I can't take possession of the kits at this time and gave you specific directions to ship them to XX agency. NOW. . .GET THIS BS OUT OF MY FACILITY ! Man. . .sometimes I can be a dick ! :D

Kit Tracker Dude: Sir, Can we open one of the boxes and see how big the piece is ?

Me: :confused: I pull a Kit Carson large Model 4. . .flip the blade out. Kit Tracker Dude jumps back. . .

Kit Tracker Dude: OH MAN. . .THAT'S A BIG A$$ KNIFE !

:cool:

I reach over and lightly run the blade down the numerous layers of fabric tape that's securing the box. The blade goes thru the tape like butter ! :D :D

Kit Tracker Dude: Man, that knife is really sharp ! Can I see it ?

I give "Kit Tracker Dude" a little snappy look and gently hand him the knife. . .scales first.

Me: Dude, don't #$%@ around with it, don't drop it and above all else. . .mind your P's & Q's ~ the edge is wicked sharp ! :D

I pull the box flaps back and begin removing some of the packing material. I look over my shoulder and see "Kit Tracker Dude" admiring the Carson. He's got this big ol sh!t eatin' grin but I notice that he's very lightly rubbing his thumb across the edge of the blade.

Me: Dude, don't friggin' do that with your thumb. . .unless you want to lose a finger or thumb !

As I turn to remove the control box from the modification kit. . .I hear this high pitched yelp followed by a, "OH SH!T ! I'M BLEEDING !"

Several of my guys, who were standing around watching all of this, burst out in laughter. I turn around and there stands "Kit Tracker Dude". . .Carson in his left hand, his right hand about chest level and blood "pouring" out of his right thumb !

WHAT A DUMB A$$ !

He hadn't heeded my warning. . . He had run his thumb down the length of the Carson's 4" blade. The Carson bit him hard too ! Cut him from the tip of his thumb to approx. 1/2" below the first knuckle ~ AND TO THE BONE !

OUCH ! WHAT A STUPID NON-KNIFE PERSON !
 
I saw this kind of bevaior when I was at a renassice fair.
Those sheeple kept touching edge on the swords when in right in front of them it said, "DO NOT TOUCH, IT WILL RUIN THE STEEL".

It should of said, "YOU TOUCH, YOU BUY. NO EXCEPTIONS!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top