Arrrgh, Cantina Pirates board the Scary Sharp

Ad Astra

Ad Astra

Joined
Jul 30, 2004
Messages
3,833
It's time to sail.

The sun is glinting off the water, the weapons and provisions are loaded, and the course is charted. Riches, glory and boo-tay are ours for the taking.

What do you bring to the SPV (small pirate vessel) privateer Khukuri? Or should it be the Scary Sharp?

Bill Marsh has the lantanka cannons. Dave knows how to shoot them! And EVERYBODY'S got an adequate boarding weapon to strike terror into the hearts of our foes.

Didn't actual pirates elect officers? I nominate Sarge and Nasty as skipper/XO. They can figure out which. For making me "meterologist" I nominate Kis as "Ship's Counselor." :D

I'll deliver our gore-dripped propaganda broadsides as well as stand-to as wheelman. Marksman-in-the-rigging as well.

A tot of rum and a share of plunder for those who sail!

Faint heart ne'er won faire lady, nor riches.

Are ye qualified to sail with us? Or would ye rather die in bed?


Mike
 
Arrr, Matey, I be for ye, alright. I'll bring me little swivel gun fer clearin' the ratlines, and me trrusty sidearm fer close quarter work. And when it comes time fer cold steel, Matey - just help me h'ist this seachest abord, will ye?:D
Blackberk
 
Arrh! sum 'er usn's already be part of kevin the greys motley crew from away back, we's bin gettin an extra pint of watery gruel evry week & first crack at lickin' out the spitoons, as well as out share of the rapein' a pillagin' (come ter think of it, we aint had no rapin & pillaging yet). i be the chief engineer - (i gets the window seat so's i gets ter look out the oar - hole while we's rowin').

Bein' loyal pirates and all, and having signed articles, we'd be remiss in our honour if'n we'd mutiny 'gainst our captain, lessin y'all can offer us enough ter re-emburse us fur our troubles.....
 
Oooo Oooo I'll take the position I always had on my father-in-law's sailboat. He was captain and his daughter was co-captain, and I was the bilge rat. Aaarrr. The bilge rat did all the hand sanding (teak--mmmmm), got in the water to scrape off the barnacles, and would have had to crawl into the bilge (yuk) if necessary. But most of the time the title came with relaxation and lots of steaks. Being as I had no idea how to sail, the bilge rat position was mostly just a rider while out in the boat, and mostly a teak refinisher at dock. Fun stuff.
 
Nominate Officers ? What is this a Sunday cruise ? Any man worthy of an officer,s pay must prove himself with steel . Any bilge rat that wants an officers berth should fight it out in the hold with all the others .

In true Pirate fashion I promise not to attack yer craft with the :Black Duck "
until yer tea party elections are through . Any of my scurilous crew that mutinies to join that ladies social ye call a crew ? A curse on ye .
 
Conflicts over jobs can be worked out with a khukuri fight....

Blackberk, sweet lil' cannon. *Got* to get me one.

Andy as Teak Sanderson, bilge rat



Mad Asstra :foot:
 
Ad Astra said:
Corsair, pirate, privateer- all good.
Mad Asstra :foot:
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Its more like corsets , pie rats and private tears for that ladies cruise you girls are taking . . I wonders what inadequacy all those cannon are to make up for ?
Tell me . Do you wear life preservers to bed in case ye wet yer hammocks ?
 
I'll bring along a blank, glassy-eyed stare.

I nominate Munk for ship's documentarian, to record the stabbing of bilge rats and the various plunders for posterity.
 
Kevin the grey said:
Its more like corsets , pie rats and private tears for that ladies cruise you girls are taking . . I wonders what inadequacy all those cannon are to make up for ?
Tell me . Do you wear life preservers to bed in case ye wet yer hammocks ?
Click to expand...

When Nordic Vikings's Bikini Team gets here, you'll be lashed and set adrift for target practice. However, that WAS funny.

Arrgh, sounds like the type of 'pillage' your up to is the lint on yer tennis sweater.



Mad Asstra
 
Ad Astra said:
When Nordic Vikings's Bikini Team gets here, you'll be lashed and set adrift for target practice.
Mad Asstra
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Listen matey yer crew of slack jawed cannoneers couldn,t hit yer target if ye lashed me to the front of those oversized pop-guns .

Ye are so cross eyed its as good as gold ye couldn,t hit me with a broadside .
One eye points to starboard and the other points to the stars like a sextant .
The only reason ye have not run aground yet points to the fact yer crew don,t even know how to unfurl yer sails . Those landlubbers proabably thinks theys sheets for yer nice cozy bunks . Tell me do ye even serve grog on that bit of flotsam or maybe ye just serve tea ?

Yer Captain wears a pink codpiece !
 
well, cap'n kevin, affer al dem insults agin the good ship black duck & her crew, they's none who would dare mutiny & go over to the emeny! we's all loaded, primed and rarin' to go, lets haul open them gunports and haul out the old broadside - them 16 inchers ought ter swipe them miles offn there gobs., if not i've got the cruise missles back on line & the phoenix's are fully loaded.
an' the bosun's alread gots the 'Black Duck' name painted over that old 62 on the bow.....
BB62_cannon.jpg


edited:
arrh! an' we's just got the Harpoon Missles on line, radar reports a lock on a small SPV off the starboard bow, all 70 ossifers, 1500 crew (lessen that slimey no good 'long bruce' silver who's in the brig) and 55 marines is rarin' fer the fight - we're all ready to rape & pillage, so on yer command we'll unleash heck, then board the blighters and rape their ship and plunder all their wimmen. or is it the thother way round?
 
Kevin the bilgewater grey mumbles into his tankard:
I wonders what inadequacy all those cannon are to make up for ?
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Aye, and what d'ye call that dismasted sheer hulk you've run aground in - the Freudian Slip? Yer captain wears a pink codfish, more like!:p
Blackberk
 
Yarrrr! I nominate me self to take on the charge of boat's anchor. I'll bring along me whole HI collection before I be takin' the great plunge. With that kind of weight, the ship be torn bow from stern before I be dragged:D

also, I'll bring along this creepy little pirate doll.....YARRRRRRR!

Dancing_Pirate.gif


Iron Jack Kidd

What's your Pirate name?
 
Berkley said:
Kevin the bilgewater grey mumbles into his tankard:Aye, and what d'ye call that dismasted sheer hulk you've run aground in - the Freudian Slip? Yer captain wears a pink codfish, more like!:p
Blackberk
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Ye could say whatever ye like about me person . When ye attacks me ship the pleasure cruise is over . The black Duck has set sail and will blast yer scow out of the water and send ye all to Davy Jones locker .

I was mulling over a treuce of some kind . Yer disparging remarks concerning me ship have ended all that . Me crew are sharpening up their cutlasses and dipping them in bilgewater . No prisoners will be taken . Don,t try slipping on yer nighties to pass yerselves off as women . That trick only worked once . Stand by to be boarded .
 
we'll hoist the ol' Jolly kukhris of the Black Duck
flag.gif

over their pink piggy flag
flag2.gif

in short order, cap'n
 
Kevin the grey said:
Don,t try slipping on yer nighties to pass yerselves off as women . That trick only worked once.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a story there.

Ready with the cannons captain! Will need some husky lads to lift and carry 'em. Also have a stash of "Cannon grade Black Powder" Very coarse, should fit in with the rest of the crew. Got it from "Wild Man Dent Meyers" in Kennessaw Jawja!
 
Bill Marsh said:
Sounds like a story there.
Click to expand...

As the gallant crew of the Scary Sharp patrolled the waters off Nepal, a scurvy ship drew close. A garbage scow it was, cleverly remodeled to look like a ship used for filming p0rn0 movies.

Suddenly, with a thunderous fart, its pot-metal cannons belched flames and a stink! Twas Capt. Kevin the Grey, and his crew of "men" in a sneak attack.

Sharp put on sail, cutting the water like a Koster-sharpened knife. The enemy ship came about, raising their pig-and-crossed-bones flag in an attempt to strike fear into the Sharp.

The nameplate of the evil ship read, "The Black Duck" but someone had crossed it out and written its new name, "The Tranny's Surprise."

Sharp opened fire, bringing down Tranny's mainmast. The disheartened crew promptly stripped to their panties, leaping overboard to swim to the nearest land, which, ironically, was the Isle of Man.

Capt. the Grey stayed at his post, manfully sinking with his ship. As the Tranny went down, he cursed the men of the Sharp.

"Ye (blubblurbblublub.....)" were his last words.


Mad Asstra, Scribe.
 
Well shiver me timbers, I do believe you gentlemen of fortune are more than a measure for such an enterprise. Belay yer mutinous mumbling Kevin, we all be shipmates here, and taint fit fer fast friends to swap insults or pistol shot.

Aaargh, wot be an SPV? We needs a fast schooner, fore and aft rigged so we can beat against the wind, and shallow draft so them that's chasin' us will rip their bellies out on the reefs. Besides, no need to squander our profits on fuel when the good Lord makes all the wind we need for free. Arrrmen.

Prizes to plunder and battle strategy. Harrr, in this case the first decides the second. We'll hit every tourist trap in the Caribbean, bleed the vacationing fat cat businessmen dry, and use that plunder to help those in this world wot need helpin'. We'll risk no open water engagements, lest we be outgunned, and we'll discharge no weapon toward a vessel flying the Stars and Stripes, or the colors of any friendly country. We be pirates, not filthy terrorists.

No me buckos, no need for shouting over the roar of cannon, when a sharp knife and a whisper in the dark gets it done. Cancun, Cozumel, Nassau, don't matter, we'll slip into a quiet cove after sundown, go ashore, and furtively mix in amongst the partygoers. Aaargh, them stinkin' rich swine will be so jacked up on booze and viagra they'll never know wot hit 'em. Grog, food, wenches and plunder, soon as we've had our fill it's back to the ship and make good our escape. Aye, that be the scheme for this modern age, party and plunder, plunder and party. All those in favor say Aaargh, all opposed, go knit doilies or sumthin. ;) :D

Thumbcutter
 
You wanted a quick schooner, Thumbcutter? This boat belongs to a friend in Brazil, who built it. Can George join the pirate crew too?:D

1119724666_0_15462800_3878.jpeg
 
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