AZ HIKV Outbreak!

R

ramius

Joined
Mar 9, 2000
Messages
64
This just in from the Centers for Disease Control...

Arizona reporting outbreak of HIKV. Pandemic suspected but not confirmed. Patient Zero reports the following:

"I received my first HI khukuri in the mail, and ran inside to check it out. I love getting new toys in the mail. Anyway, I opened it up and there it was... a BAS blem. It took me a while to find the blem part, but the knife itself was just impressive. You can tell that it is made by hand, and that is a big plus in my book. The first thing you notice when you pick up your first is how wide the blade is at the back. This is one large and formidable chunk of steel. Then you imagine running into enemy fire with this in your hand. Then you realize that it's all over... you have been smitten with HIKV. There is no cure."

Well, I'm done for. I'm already picking out my next one. I think we should make a quilt, or have a concert to raise awareness for HIKV.

As for Bill 'The Pusher' Martino, his customer service is outstanding. My knife was missing its little knife (kharda?) when it got here, and a quick email solved that.

I think I'm just going to contact my employer and have them forward a portion of my earnings to Bill. Then I'm going to talk Bill into registering as a religion, so I can write off my new habit on my taxes.



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-ramius
"oderint dum metuant"
 
My condolences ramius...

I fear you are lost like the rest of us. I do like the idea of the tax break by declaring HI a religion--LOL! The idea of direct deposit from our paychecks is a frightening thought
wink.gif
, I'd have to work 60hrs a week! I'm up to 5 and have 2 more on the way(1 for a friend)--get out while there's still money to your name!

Seriously, welcome to the cantina, and happy chopping!

Rob
 
I think we should make a quilt, or have a concert to raise awareness for HIKV.

Let's raffle off a khukuri.

-Cougar :{)

 
Ramius: if you leave at the stroke of midnite tonite 00:00.01 AM Monday, you can make it to Hawthorne by 4:09 PM. Another two hours and 13 minutes, plus crosstown travel, and you can be talking to Uncle Bill from your hotel room. All in less than a 19 hour drive. Hardly more than 712.8 miles, city limits to city limits. Course you'll need to pick me up to guide you...
 
MauiRob: that bit about one of the khuks on the way being for a friend is about as convincing as telling the pharmacist's clerk that the condoms are for a friend.
 
Ramius, go to:
http://ulc.org
http://ulc.net

The Universal Life Church was founded in 1959 by the Reverend Kirby J. Hensley. I met Bishop Hensley when he spoke to a comparative religion class I took at Modesto Junior College. I'd say he did alright for himself in founding a new church, especially for someone unable to read or write.

The mother church still remains at 601 3rd St, Modesto, CA 95851.

Far as I can tell, the online ordination link is working.

Honorary Doctorates and Sainthoods ( and other titles ) are available online but I'm unsure about the credit cards which they accept.

( Hey - why should I tell a lie when the plain truth is such a whopper nobody'd believe a word of it anyway? )
 
You do know Rusty that now there are going to be a bunch of khkuri carrying ministers of the ulc. I thought about sainthood. Saint Matthew has been done before, I'd really like to meet the guy who beat me to it. I outta.....

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Life is short, art endures.
 
ramius
Now your thiking.I like that tax write off thing.How about calling it SPLAF( Society for the Preservation of Lost Art Forms).Its worth a try.

------------------
Ray
 
I have taken a turn for the worse
frown.gif
I now find myself hanging out at the HI forum, hitting the reload button, in the hope of seeing a blem and being the first one to get a hold of Uncle Bill. My other knives are starting to feel neglected. I need to get out of the house. Aaaahhhh!!!!
wink.gif


Seriously though, just another plug for Bill, whose customer service is legendary for good reason. It just don't get any better.

As for the religion idea... I think we're on to something. Naturally, Bill will be our pope. Pope Bill. Pope William? Better ring. If you own an HI khukuri, then you have entered the priesthood. If you own seven or more, then you are eligible to be a cardinal. I don't know much about this ranking thing, so I could use some help. When we "order" a khukuri, we're sending an 'offering.' The khukuri would be a 'gift' of thanks.

I'd better stop now before I am struck by lightening. Does my heresy know no bounds?!



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-ramius
"oderint dum metuant"
 
Hey Ramius: I've no idea if your heresy knows no bounds, but the last two times I've tried to post the message has gone blank before I finished writing, and I couldn't bring it back! Maybe somebody *is* trying to tell me something.

In view of his persuasion, perhaps we could call call Uncle Bill "His Holiness the Daily Khukuracha".

On the other hand, Bill's indulgences seem to be in more demand than the Pope's so maybe he could get away with it, the Martinus's of the world finding something else to crusade about. Hmmm... think I'll pop over to the Firing Line and suggest they start referring to Hilary and Bilko's rally as the "Million Lemming March"
 
:
(VBESEG)
I have been a certified member of the ULC for some years now. I am most certainly "certifiable" as well. That's why I fit in so well here.
smile.gif


Being the keeper of a Sweatlodge I had people that kept coming to me wanting marriage and other ceremonies.
The ULC seemed a lot easier than me trying to choke down some years at seminary, sooooo.
smile.gif

The bureaucrats at the Tulsa County Courthouse didn't even raise an eyebrow when I took my "papers" down to register as a certified member of clergy.
Now that should make for some interesting reactions.
LMRRAO.

I have considered useing the press pass as well in some instances.
smile.gif


How did Mr. Hienlien put it?
"It's a job if you can stomach it." (AVBESEG)

I can say at least that the few marriages I have performed are still together.
I most certainly pray that they remain so.

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>>>>---¥vsa---->®

The hardy adventurer just drank from a stream he thought was pure glacier fed water not knowing that upstream was being used by a herd of yaks as a giant bidet.

I said he was hardy, not smart.:-)

Khukuri FAQ
 
Oh my... I'm having one of those mental images... no, not the one with Cindy Crawford... this is a new one.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to join Joe and Jane in Holy Khukurimony.

Khukuriage is a Holy state and is not to be entered into lightly.

Joe, do you take Jane to be your lawfully khukuried wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, excluding all others, for as long as you both shall live?

Uh oh. Storm clouds are moving in. Thunder heads are forming. The wind is singing 'The heretic must die!'
smile.gif




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-Kevin
"Oderint dum metuant"
Riddler, Hoodlum, Bon Vivant.
 
One side of a phone conversation overheard just the other side of the state line:

" ...mmmn hmmmn. And that's the final word, Bishop? I understand. Thank you, and God be with you too." Click of phone hanging up. Turns to friend. "He said no sweat."
 
I don't get it Harry.

Send in the clowns? Just which ones and where?
 
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