Bring on a DEATH CHAT!!!

On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."

So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses people's weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds." Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.

Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly. Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round.

After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I want to get weighed!" she said again. Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake. Rose's roommate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the evening went.

"Wousy!" Rose replied.
 
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the
last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not
get even one drop of paint on their new habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to
lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint
in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at
the door. Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug and deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds?"
 
Is there a man among us who on running through a list of his friends, is unable to say that there is one among them who is a perfect pig?

W.H. Hudson , (1841 – 1922),
 
Almost 3am here... still dazed over letting the SHBM slip thru my hands... I think I'll go cry myself to sleep. :(


NO REGRETS! :D
 
Guys. I need your help. Please talk me into ordering a FBM. The wife just dropped off. But she is a light sleeper and has a .45cal next to her.
 
Just got in from playing darts.

It is getting better. I beat the fifth best player in San Francisco and made it to the final eight. Unfortunately, I had to play the best player in San Francisco in the quarter finals.
 
I'm always passing by a dart shop, the only one I've noticed in SF. By a 7-11 and freeway underpass, ring a bell?

Tony G said:
Just got in from playing darts.

It is getting better. I beat the fifth best player in San Francisco and made it to the final eight. Unfortunately, I had to play the best player in San Francisco in the quarter finals.
Click to expand...
 
Yes that is the one out near Brotherhood way.

He use to be on my side of the city near the Golden Gate Bridge. His name is Don and he is good guy and very good player. When I played more I played on his teams.
 
1 whole turkey
1 large lemon, cut into halves
sprig of rosemary
salt and pepper to taste
butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer

Heat oven to 350 degrees

Rub butter or oil over the skin of the turkey until it is
completely coated. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other
seasonings you prefer.

Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat;
Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up, one
on each side. This way the juice from the lemon will release into
the breasts.

Place sprig of rosemary into the turkey.

Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes. Remove cover and continue to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes.

If you've followed these steps correctly, your turkey should look like
the one in the picture.

Turkey.jpg
 
Yes! This thread needs more shots of Gimme's girlfriend.. :thumbup:

DCPDC to KAAK... Come in, KAAK...

Over! :)
 
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door...where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free, lots of it. Helloooo?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise or diet between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position your self near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies, Apple, Pumpkin or Mincemeat. Have a slice of each or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert, Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, you gotta have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, a Scotch in the other, body thoroughly shot and used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOOOOOOO! what a ride!"
 
Schuey2002 said:
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
Click to expand...

True Story:

I grew up in a teetotaler household (they've since relented and drink without remorse, but it didn't happen until my youngest sibling turned 21) and always associated eggnog with the dairy case.

Until I spent Christmas, 1989 in Singapore, courtesy of Uncle Sam's canoe club.

During Christmas dinner at the Hyatt Regency, I asked the hotel maitre' de if we could get some 'nog to go with the meal. He said sure.

My first clue should have been when the pitcher came from the bar. It was mostly brandy-based, but there was rum too. I was looped after the first cup.

Rick - fond memories of running through the streets of Singapore with a case of Fosters Lager oil cans on my shoulders that night
 
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