Can Somebody Loan Me $153,000

[Bill Martino]

I like it.

 

[firkin]

Though it the price is somewhat dear, it does look like it would serve admirably to prevent important papers from blowing away or as a tool to smoosh unwanted invasive insects in the home.

Buy it quick before the seller acts on his threat to offer it later at a higher price!!

And if it hatches, think of it as a bonus.

 

[Svashtar]

There's a Supposed Alien Artifact listed on ebay. I'd say it's a bargain at twice the price.
--Josh

Hey! I thought that looked familiar! My pet cow ate the cue ball off my outdoor pool table and 3 weeks later this showed up in the yard! First thing I naturally thought of was to pop it into the microwave and nuke it for a few minutes, and sure enough it wasn't destroyed! (Sure smelled somethin' awful tho.) Then I naturally beat on it with a big hammer and it displayed anti-gravitometric tendencies!

Damn thieves will steal anything; :grumpy: I want my artefact back!

 

[munk]

If the thing were real it would have been submitted to scientific scrutiny.
I wonder why and how the seller got the microwave idea. What's up with that? Keep putting things in the micro as a final arbiture?

I think he should have swallowed it in the interests of science, and written a objective description of events leading to it's evacuation.


munk

 

[Drdan]

The artefact used to belong to me, but unfortunately, I lost it a few hundred years ago during a scouting mission. I've stayed around looking for it all these years so I don't have to face the great shame of returning to my homeworld without it.

It must be of considerable value and/or importance... We're all intrigued as to what its physical characteristics are, and what it is used for. I'd surmise that its part of your ship's propulsion system, and without it, you're unable to leave this most troubled planet, and its chronically disturbed inhabitants.

Dan

 

[munk]

Dr Dan, do you think it possible this Alien Artechoke might have healing properties? I do need some disk work in my back, as you know. I'm certain Josh wouldn't want to leave until he could help me.


munk

 

[Drdan]

I wish Josh would be more up front as it were, and let us know just what the artifact is all about. If it does have healing properties, then we might assist Josh in its procurement, perhaps borrow it for a set time limit, and then return it to him so that he might leave for proverbial greener pastures. At this point though, it might be best not to air this topic on a public forum... It would be more prudent to use secure e-mails, messages, etc.

Dan

 

[Josh Feltman]

Sorry to dissapoint, Earth buddies, but the artefact possesses no restorative powers, at least for living things. The human seller has already hit upon its main purpose, udoubtedly by accident as opposed to wit. The artefact is actually a sophisticated microwave oven cleaner. When placed in a microwave, it bursts into flames and thoroughly cleans the interior of the oven. My people pride themselves on the cleanliness of their ovens. It is the basis of our entire system of morality, and plays a significant part in many of our religions as well. Alas, my ship's oven was horribly sullied during that fateful scouting mission of which I spoke earlier as I attempted to cook my homeworld's equivalent of pasta with red sauce. You can only imagine the horror of the spatters on the gleaming interior of my microwave. I shant sicken you with the actual details. Suffice it to say that the spatters found their way to all interior surfaces of my once-gleaming cooking enclosure. Now that I've found the cleaner, I can clean my oven before returning, thus avoiding the scorn of my people.

--Josh

 

[Drdan]

:My people pride themselves on the cleanliness of their ovens.

Maybe, but I wouldn't start bragging of their intelligence... For the $ you'd be shelling out for the artefact, you could instead purchase 5,100 Sunbeam SBM7500W microwave ovens (one of the rock bottom priced ones at about $30 a pop)! If you changed the microwave every day, you'd have enough of em' to last you for 14 years. If your people are parsimonious, you could throw one away each week instead, which would give you enough microwaves for 98 years.

Sorry, Munk; no new discs for you, and it doesn't look like I'll be getting a luxuriously full head of hair anytime soon.

P.S. Do keep track of the artefact for us, Josh, and do remember to take your medication regularly.

Dan

 

[smegs]

is the basis of our entire system of morality, and plays a significant part in many of our religions as well

Nuttin says lovin like sumthin from the oven.

 

[Steely_Gunz]

...and thinks Bruise is funnier than Jerry Lewis.---Nasty

I guess the alein artifact egg isn't French. Kind of a bummer. I always saw most aliens as being from France.

~Jake

 

[Josh Feltman]

Maybe, but I wouldn't start bragging of their intelligence... For the $ you'd be shelling out for the artefact, you could instead purchase 5,100 Sunbeam SBM7500W microwave ovens (one of the rock bottom priced ones at about $30 a pop)! If you changed the microwave every day, you'd have enough of em' to last you for 14 years
Dan

Human logic What makes you think that 5,100 of your primitive microwave ovens are the match of one of our superior ovens?

--Josh

 

[Nasty]

...and thinks Bruise is funnier than Jerry Lewis.---Nasty

I guess the alein artifact egg isn't French. Kind of a bummer. I always saw most aliens as being from France.

~Jake

The French are aliens...but from a Bizzarro world.

The artifact egg is from Josh's home planet and obviously shares his superior sense of humor (and love for cleanliness).