Can You Hear the Blackberries Whimpering?

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Oct 25, 2004
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Having spent several days admiring my new 25" Kobra, I decided that yesterday would be the day to put it to work.

The property I live on has an acre or two that's unused on account of 20+ years of briars. It's the equivalent of an old growth forest in blackberry terms -- the current layer is growing on a couple of dying layers that're growing on several dead layers, making one impenetrable mess. Several summers ago I spent a good weekend chopping a 40-yard trail from the edge of the yard to a grove of trees at the corner of the property using a $5.99 Coleman machete from Wal-Mart. (I can not recommend these under any circumstances. Use anything else.) It was not fun. I should've kept it maintained but I did not and it grew back over fairly quickly. Yesterday, I decided to try to open it up again.

I went out to look at it and got worried. While only about as high as my shoulders (most of the other stuff is over my head), it had grown back just as thick as ever. No one would've known there was a trail there unless I'd told them. I grabbed the Kobra, oiled it up, and got to work.

Fifteen minutes later I was about half (!) done. :D I spent a few minutes with a file and put a sharper, coarser edge on the Kobra, then got back to work. It took me about another twenty minutes to finish the rest, as I'd decided at this point to widen the trail so that two people could walk it abreast; also, instead of clearing out the severed vines, I just chopped them to little pieces in place and trampled them down. A bit messy but they should make okay mulch (the berries are long gone) and it was extremely satisfying in a primal sort of way -- the closest thing I can experience to "grinding my enemies to dust beneath my heel" in my backyard, I guess.

It took me a few minutes to get the hang of things. I was using too much force at first, both to start and to stop the swing. (Okay, I was treating it like a machete at first. So sue me.) What worked better for me was using long, almost gentle swings and following through to the limits of my flexibility. (Just like the other khuks I own...imagine that!) Once I'd made the change, my breathing slowed down quite a bit and the work was very easy. I'm looking forward to doing a few hours straight to verify. Even though this blade is lighter than any of my other khuks, I still found it very difficult to check a swing once I'd started it. Better to aim, picture the path of the blade, make sure that no part of me is there, and let the weight do its thing. The khuk will stop when it's good and ready.

End result: it looks like a large truck drove through, except that the edges are cleaner. Despite some ground strikes and chopping through the occasional tree limb or very thick, aged and hardened blackberry stalk, the edge suffered no dings on its first run and one on the second near the tip; I can't see it but can barely feel it with the chakma. The blade dulled a very small amount through the cutting but got a bit sharper than starting after some chakma use. (Exactly like the AK bowie, in fact. Don't know if this says good things about HI edges or bad things about my sharpening. Probably both.) This thing is a briar-destroying machine. My only injury was a good blister on the edge of my hand, right where the AK had irritated me earlier. Those bell-shaped butts will take some getting used to. It wouldn't have been bad if I'd switched hands earlier but I'd been having so much fun that I hadn't even noticed the blister until I'd finished. In the meantime, I've ground the offending point off the butt and look forward to trying it again...once I've got some skin in that area again.

Once the hand heals, I'm going to try to wrangle some money out of the landlady to clear the brush for her. She's already stated a willingness to pay fairly well for the briars to be removed. Granted, I'd probably be willing to do it for free at this point but she doesn't need to know that. ;)

Thanks to Kumar and UB for getting this monster into my hands. I can hear the blackberries whimpering as I type this.

I was going to review the 20" AK's wood splitting abilities but it shattered the chopping block in short order and is currently in the doghouse for its overzealous behavior. (That was a really nice, almost perfect round for chopping block use. It will be missed.) If all goes well, it may take a trip out to the Camp tomorrow for sectioning duties after my paperwork's done.
 
Glad to hear you are having fun out there.
Personally, I'd rather eat the berries, but yep, those bushes can get out of control.. not to mention the snakes love them just as much as we do.
 
When I was a kid, such a patch of blackberries covered a hilside adjacent to my home. I found that I could crawl through the dead understory. 25 yards in was a private world that adults could not, or would not, reach.

Dogs knew about the world though and were happy to see me there.
 
The 25" Kobra is too tip heavy to me, but then I'm small, and if other, bigger fellows think different, who am I to disagree - I use a 30" Sirupati to pull my back into alignment.

Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, and Raven-tressed beauties all attract my attention.
 
(WIDE SHOT INTO SUN, TOWN STREET, FOCUS ON SEWER COVER THEN LIFT UP TO SILLOUETTE OF MAN STRIDING DELIBERATELY INTO THE CAMERA CENTER)

TWO CROSSED KHUKURIS (ONE A 25 IN KOBRA, THE OTHER A 20 IN AK) ARE HELD IN A SIMPLE LEATHER CROSSED SCABBORD RIG ON HIS BACK. AN H.I. BOWIE SLAPS AGAINST HIS THIGH IN STEADY, DEADLY RHYTHM AS HE STRIDES TO LENS CENTER.

He strides to a door, encircled in a lattice-work of roses, knocks at the door.

(TIGHT SHOT on elderly woman, very ugly, who answers the door)

"You the escort service? Dammit, I asked for buff!"

"No Maam," He laconically responds,

"I'm the Lonesome Brambler, just hacking my way through town."

(Slow fade to rosebush shards in setting sun. Theme comes up. go to black.)
 
Last but not least, the Kobra had its day in court at the Camp today.

We had an ongoing problem for a while with one of our neighbors. He'd purchased a plot of low-lying land in the past with the intent of using it as a horse pasture. Unfortunately, it was the drainage area for 400 acres of reclaimed wetlands...the Camp. (His realtor deserves a popknot or two for this.) As an obviously enterprising and creative individual, he went on to dam up our drainage ditch. Being enterprising and creative (not to mention wet) sailors, we broke it down -- he'd built it on our side of the border. This went back and forth a few times until he finally gave up.

Then we started flooding again. A quick inspection revealed that an enterprising and creative beaver(!) had dropped a tree in the ditch and built half a dam under it. (What is it with this drainage canal?) As it's a real PITA to keep marching back there through some very overgrown areas, the Kobra was recruited to blaze a path today. I sat most of it out on account of my still-injured hand and let my coworkers do the work under instruction. The tree was sectioned and removed compliments of the AK; the Kobra made the trail and tidied up the surrounding area. No beavers were harmed during this evolution although the workers had some choice words for our new enemy.

Long story short -- the Kobra is now known at the Camp as "Agent Orange" on account of its knack at defoliation. Poor taste, but that's military humor for ya.

We won't get into the 20" AK but it claimed its first tree today and did some heavy prying. Raju must've had me in mind when he hammered this out. It fits me like a glove.

Kismet -- if your business of choice is not writing screenplays, you're in the wrong one.

Now, off to the search engine to find someone who'll make a crossed scabbard rig for me. ;)
 
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