Contest/Giveaway - Because there's no better time, really...

Arkanian

Arkanian

Joined
Feb 27, 2011
Messages
1,558
This is actually to cover when I do hit #1000, whenever that might be...

As the stars align for this most joyous occassion, my 1000th post (which has yet to be actually reached) will be celebrated with the (fictitious) death of my dear departed friend (still alive and munging) GoNadz, who hasn't logged onto Bladeforums or Beckerchat for quite some time now. That's right, I am holding a contest for Beckerheads only, you need to provide a comical (and PG rated you sickos) story or one liner of GoNadz's (fake) death.

For example - Nadz would be able to enter this contest/giveaway had he not mistaken that pigeon for a roadrunner and pulled a Wil'E Coyote off the GW Bridge...

The winning story will be selected through the NBG board of directors - namely myself, DerekH and tradewater, and will be revealed at the Gathering where we will hold a small (fake) memorial of our missing Beckerhead friend (because he hasn't logged on, really he is a model of perfect health). Pictures will be taken and the winning method of (YES FAKE AND PG) his Darwinian demise will be awarded my favorite model of production Becker... the BK7!

Rules:
1.) Beckerheads only, if you get your BH# before the Gathering, you can enter away!
2.) Chatting is fine however you will only get 1 official submission and you must start your reply with "OFFICIAL SUBMISSION."
3.) Entries will no longer be accepted after 10/12/2011
4.) Winner will be announced after I get home safely from the Gathering - a.k.a. Pray for my safety people!
5.) As usual this is for appropriate ages and blah blah blah legalese. Really, GoNadz is fine except for the occasional rant about work, seriously.
 
OFFICIAL ENTRY:


If only Nadz wouldn't have gotten stuck in a goat... he'd still be with us today.
 
OFFICIAL SUBMISSION:

Who knew that 25 of the little blue pills could actually cause (I'm quoting from the medical report here) "sudden and traumatic blood flow resulting in excessive strain on the organ's arterial walls"?

RIP GoNadz.
 
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My entry

Nadz could enter if he didn't try to imitate jar squatter and end up bleeding to death.
 
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C'mon people, step it up! This is GoNadz we are talking about here!

Do you think this man

6196881626_cd936201fa_b.jpg


would die doing something tame and normal? Heck no!

Way I heard it, he died from improper relations with a rhino whilst on safari. The rhino was vigorous. Alas, poor Nadz was not.

(Keep in mind, neither mine nor Tradewater's entries count.)
 
He wanted "To try some nude skydiving, you know, as a lark." (because that's how he talked). While freefalling he took a direct hit from a lark right in the gonads. I'm just wondering if he had a premonition....
 
OFFICIAL SUBMISSION:

Stuffing snow into a chicken One afternoon in 2010, GoNadz was watching a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it (with his BK2), and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but GoNadz did.
 
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Official entry

Young nadz was a brave man. His loved his pastimes such as catfisting and ambushing grizzlies. One day he jumped from a limb wearing his watermelon helmet and weilding a BK7 in a reverse grip to surprise an unlucky bear. What poor Nadz did not realize is that his boonie hat with paracord chinstrap would be his demise. He had removed his boonie from his head to place his special "Bear Killer" watermelon helmet, but he left it around his neck. The chinstrap caught on a limb causing a chipped tooth from his beer bottle that he was still drinking on the way down and ended his life. It is a testament to how manly Nads was that when he was found he hadn't spilled the beer. The undertaker was able to repair the tooth. Rest in peace Nadz
 
Nadz would still be with us if not for the tragic timing of that last case of hiccups -- while practicing Becker juggling and hands free knife swallowing...
 
Official Entry.
GoNadz died how he lived, Fast and Loose. which, by the way is also how he liked his wimenz.
 
OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

After a stroke of dubious genius, Nadz decided to save the time wasted preparing food all week by simply microwaving three "family size" cans of Pork N' Beans for 10 minutes. While the sparkly fireworks show was vastly entertaining for the first few minutes, the resulting devastating explosion was heard (and felt) throughout the three surrounding counties.

No trace of Nadz was ever recovered.
 
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nadz went to a gathering in tn and never returned. he made a comment about those nasty dogs on the property. offend Mrs Becker and Mr Becker will feed you to the clan :) the chili was not terribly remarkable but good for the freshness, and the company great, with enough shine that nobody noticed the unusual "wild pig" flavor. went down great with beer. many bellies were full with seconds, and even thirds. the porta-potty remains long since sucked into a containment vessel and neutralized.

funny thing about bones. dogs love them :) *crunch*

happy dogs :>

the end
 
OFFICIAL ENTRY

The doctor muttered under his breath and shook his head. His career had been long, the bulk of it spent in the ER tending to every possible trauma that could be inflicted, or self-inflicted, on a person. And even someone as experienced as this man was had never seen a wound so nightmarish, so ghastly, and so utterly idiotic.

He glanced down at the chart again. "What the hell is a GoNadz anyway?" he grumbled to the lifeless body laying in front of him, covered with a sheet and slowly cooling. There was no answer, and there never would be.

The doctor looked again at the huge knife laying in a pan. He tried to remember the explanation the young man, now dead under the sheet, had tried to offer in-between gasps of pain as to why the knife had been lodged where it was. Something about "sheath" and "BladeForums" and what sounded like "Flexxx." The only thing they could ascertain was that he'd put it there himself. None of it had made any sense.

The doctor gave up trying to understand. With a slow turn he moved toward the door, flicked the light switch to plunge the cool room into darkness, and walked out.
 
DerekH said:
would die doing something tame and normal? Heck no!
Click to expand...

When your pecker explodes and leaves blood splatter on the ceiling, get back to me about tame and normal. :eek:
 
OFFICIAL SUBMISSION:

GoNadz
Overdosed on viagra.
Went out the hard way.
 
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