Days of Our Knives by JCaswell

J.McDonald Knives

J.McDonald Knives

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Jan 28, 2007
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On today's episode:

The epic struggle continues as two men, father and son, encounter the type of acrimony typical in a household where the lad was left to be raised by the family pet, a Pomeranian named 'Lady,' while the father, year after year squanders the family fortune on hallucinogenic peppers (some of which he consumes, while the rest he laces into a concoction so terrible, so pungent, it has the power to destroy the entire planet! More terrible still is the awful truth he's kept hidden from his son ...The truth he would give anything to change, yet may have to give everything to keep secret.

Will Jacob discover this terrible truth?

Will IG succeed in his diabolical scheme to proliferate weapons-grade chili throughout North America?

Just what is a hallucinogenic pepper and where can you get one?

Find out on todays exciting episode of ....

DAYS OF OUR KNIVES
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Here we see the rarely photographed Igor Sarkrovski, former Soviet physicist, testing a scale model of the rocket booster IG is constructing in the secret lab under his house.
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Soon, the booster will be complete and fitted to the surplus SCUD IG found on eBay in 2003.

"It's all coming together, Igor," he sighs.
"Yes Master!" Igor replies, then cackles with delight.
IG looked upon the centerpiece of his life's work ... a giant cone-shaped warhead filled with 12 metric tons of HT relish! He stroked the glossy red paint of the warhead.
"The all laughed at me, Igor. They said I was .... crazy," IG's left eyelid flickered. "I'll show them ... I'll show them ALL!"
"Yes Master!," Igor consoles. "But what about ..."
"Jacob?" IG interrupted. "He still has no idea about the 'you-know-what.'

But that was not true. Jacob had, in fact discovered at least part of the 'terrible truth' IG had kept from him all these years. Once he discovered there WAS a terrible secret, he did what anyone would do... he looked himself up on Wikipedia and read all about it!
Shocked and more than a little embarrassed he, for the first time, felt the beginnings of affection for his eccentric, distant and comically sadistic father, IG--the man that, after all, had protected him all these years from the 'terrible truth.'
Still, Jacob was skeptical about the Wikipedia entry. Could bathing in cucumber juice three times a day really keep it from growing?
And what about the OTHER thing he discovered on Wikipedia?

Will young Jacob reconcile with his father and join him in his plot to exact revenge upon rice-burning pointy heads everywhere?

Or will he be true to his training and turn IG from such darkness and help him channel his chili's power for good and not evil?

Find out next time on:
DAYS OF OUR KNIVES
 
Pimplesquirt...this may possibly be the best knife related thing you have ever posted.:thumbup: :D
 
Wow....I was about ready to write you off and then you go and be all creative and stuff. That was cool. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks.
 
The best part is, that shows more creativity and actual funniness than 90% of the crap that's really on TV! :D Keep it goin PS, just leave me out of it LOL.
 
I just know I'm going to cry when you get to the part where IG says(cue sucking sounds coming from behind the welders shield) to young Jacob, "JACOB, I'M YOUR FATHER"!:grumpy: :eek: :D :thumbup:
 
I'm definitely staying tuned to learn if the comically sadistic father gets to the point he considers the son irredeemable, and in a moment of pepper-induced enlightenment and private hilarity delivers him to Igor for rendering into rocket fuel.

But, then again, these things seldom turn out the way we imagine....:D

Very creative, Jacob. I can't hardly wait to see that turn up in your knifemaking. :)
 
Kerry Hampton said:
Pimplesquirt...this may possibly be the best knife related thing you have ever posted.:thumbup: :D
Click to expand...
HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!! I must agree.
:thumbup: :thumbup:
You know what sucks?? Is that I just notice that his B'Day is the same day as my youngest sons' that I just disowned.:eek: :eek:
 
PimpinSquee said:
JCaswell. thats why i stated it in the title. HEHEHEHE!!!!
Click to expand...

I would like to thank Jacob for thinking enough of these little bits to collect them from the different threads and put them into one.

I'm glad everyone seems to like them. Makes me want to do a few more!:)
 
I saw it when I read it the first time. I knew that the origin of the idea was Joe.

I made the unfortunate error of thinking you had expanded on it. My bad.
 
Fitzo is easily one of the smartest guys on BF.


One rule of thumb I picked up working all those years in journalism:
"If you're misunderstood, it's probably your fault."

Also, if a reader learns he's misunderstood you, you loose some of his 'good will'. That's very bad in writing.

When I was in the business, I learned a secret: "Restate the obvious" because most of the time what you think is obvious, simply isn't. :thumbup: :)

Another "rule" I think is overlooked in today's media: "Always presume your reader is SMARTER than you and may call on you to defend your logic in a very public way." This helps you keep your reasoning crisp and your content will be more substantial. I other words, If you can't defend it like a doctoral dissertation, don't say it. :thumbup:
(Dang! I wish I could remember that one BEFORE I say something stupid!!):o
 
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