Days of Our Knives by JCaswell

i only picked on him because it is rare that he makes an error. i already knew he is one of the smartest guys here. i cant always be picking on IG because it is too easy most of the time. HEHEHEHE!!!!

now where are the rest of the episodes???:confused: HEHEHE!!!
 
Jacob, I'm not going to be nasty to you about this, but I will share a slightly different viewpoint than you may have:

People responded to your post by praising you for your creativity. The obvious inference is that they thought you had added on to the continuing story that Joe had started, creating new material. We all knew that Joe had started the idea. I for one had obviously not read all that he had written. Thus we thought you were being cleverly creative, and offered our kudos.

When you came on after the praise and said "Thanks guys", it reinforced the incorrect assumption for me that you had extended the story on your own. You perhaps could have realized some of us thought you were the actual author from what we wrote. It was at that point that it would have been nice to learn that you had only brought together various pieces that Joe had authored.

By waiting until Louis asked the question and then getting a big grin out of the misunderstanding, you should know that there is the distinct possibility some may consider it an intentional deception at our expense. A set up.

Now that may not be the case at all, but I promise you that the possibilty crossed my mind because of how the thread proceeded.

Like I said, I'm not coming down on you, but I want you to understand that my error was not that I missed Joe's name, but that it was not clear that you were simply assembling copy. I don't think I am the only person who misunderstood this.

The fact that you continue to gloat after Joe tried to advise you about "restating the obvious" disturbs me a bit. I will simply leave you alone henceforth and neither condemn nor praise. From my viewpoint, my worst error now seems that I tried to be nice.

Take care. I wish you well with your progress both as a knifemaker and forum member.
 
ill be honest and admit i also made an error because i thought yall were praising me for gathering up the two stories and compiling them into a thread. i originally thought to add that i was only putting the stories into one thread to make it easier to follow but i felt as tho yall would have already read them in the other threads and realized that all i did was copy and paste them. i appologize for the misunderstanding.
 
Yesterday, started off bad. The male tenant has a new dog and I told him to pickup the dog's shit on Sunday. Now yesterday morning it was all still there.:mad: So the Landlord picks up dog's shit and spreads it all over the tenant's car windshield
So I waited for him to leave for work and I called him every name in the book. I told him what I did with the shit and he said " It wasn't right", I told him it wasn't right that he didn't pick up the crap and I would continue to keep applying it to his car.:thumbup:
Next time it will be underneath his door handles. HEHEHEHEHE!!
 
indian george said:
Yesterday, started off bad. The male tenant has a new dog and I told him to pickup the dog's shit on Sunday. Now yesterday morning it was all still there.:mad: So the Landlord picks up dog's shit and spreads it all over the tenant's car windshield
So I waited for him to leave for work and I called him every name in the book. I told him what I did with the shit and he said " It wasn't right", I told him it wasn't right that he didn't pick up the crap and I would continue to keep applying it to his car.:thumbup:
Next time it will be underneath his door handles. HEHEHEHEHE!!
Click to expand...

You could give him a tour of that underground bunker---maybe Get Igor to melt his hand in a vat of HT Relish--- that'd fix 'em!:D
 
...(cue scary organ music)
Meanwhile back at the labORRRRratory, the evil IG(enraged by the ghastly tenant type character that resides in the North tower of Castle Rebello) cooks up a concoction of dog shit with eleven herbs and spices. When the horrid mix had cooled he could be heard shrieking, "LOCK AND LOAD!", as he packed his laser guided poo canon with the pungent goo.

Just then, as the ghastly tenant type character was preparing for the day, he noticed a glint of red beam flashing off of his motor car on the street. He ran in earnest down the steeply spiraled stairs of the North tower of Castle Rebello screaming like a little girl, but to no avail. Just as he reached the cobble stone road which leads to the gothic abode, the raunchy gobs of IG's munitions whizzed by his head.

The ghastly tenant type character, now at a safe position on the ground, looked up in the direction of fire. There he saw the evil IG laughing derisively as he unleashed round after round of the foul dung balls into his beautiful motor car. "That will teach you...BWAAAAHHHAHAHAHAA!", the evil IG squealed as he emptied the poo canon into the hapless tenants automobile.

After what seemed like an eternity, the barrels rattled and spun down to a deafening silence and only the sobs of the tenant type person could be heard. (scary organ music and incessant sobbing fades as the screen goes black)
 
Boy this is starting to get good. I am going to just set back and see how this ends --------I like reading good books---------:thumbup:
 
...(cue dopey tuba music) Evil IG's faithful son and minion, Squee, comes running to see what all the noise and smell is about. (tuba fades) "FATHER!, LOOK!",:eek: the young henchman exclaims while pointing his chubby finger towards the road far in the distance.(angry mob sounds getting louder) Evil IG groans in disgust as an angry mob, lead by the ghastly tenant type person, gathered outside of the protective walls of Castle Rebello. Igor hobbles into the labOOORRRAtory and yells, "Master, there is an angry mob approaching and they aim to exact revenge on you and your unseemly minion/henchman son for breaking community covenants. By the looks of those pitchforks and torches Master, I must say your ass is toast!"

"They'll be sorry! THEY'LL BE SORRY! :mad: BWEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!":D :D :D , the evil IG exclaims as he points to a shadowy, yet shapely figure swinging from the hooks and chains high above them in the glassy domed ceiling. "No Master, don't unleash the Lil Hose-beast on the poor, unsuspecting lowly village people!". Evil IG, with hand on the boy's head, looks into his son's eyes as Squee whines, "Daddy, I'm hungry". (cue scary dopey tuba music)

Will IG unleash the power of the Lil Hose-beast upon the unsuspecting village people?

Will the Village People release the movie soundtrack album, IG's Gotta Boogie?

What will the faithful son and minion Squee have for dinner?

Know one knows in....

DAYS OF OUR KNIVES
 
If you read these out loud with Firesign Theater voices this stuff rocks. Very cool, Kerry! :thumbup:
 
HEHEHEHEHE!!!! I hope I get a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame after all of this.
The dude with the shitty windows will be moving out.:thumbup: Whether he wants to or not.;) Ranessa boyfriend's half sister wants to move in. She is 21 years old and really pretty. She is half Portagee and half African American. SWEEEET!!!I told Helen don't get mad because I flirt with her.:eek: Helen just called me a Slut. HEHEHEHEHE!!!;) ;)
 
indian george said:
HEHEHEHEHE!!!! I hope I get a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame after all of this.
The dude with the shitty windows will be moving out.:thumbup: Whether he wants to or not.;) Ranessa boyfriend's half sister wants to move in. She is 21 years old and really pretty. She is half Portagee and half African American. SWEEEET!!!I told Helen don't get mad because I flirt with her.:eek: Helen just called me a Slut. HEHEHEHEHE!!!;) ;)
Click to expand...

You are a Slut---------------:D :thumbup: :jerkit: :)
 
:D ROTFL :D , if IG unleashes "the power of the Lil Hose-beast" this could be a "sticky" :D (please, not in this direction ;) )........

This is good stuff, thanks Joe , Kerry ! :thumbup: the creativity that some people posses really amazes me
 
(cue more scary pipe organ music)
When we last saw the treacherous trio, Igor, Evil IG and the unfortunate seed-of-his-loin and minion Squee, IG had his boney hand on the lever that would unleash the power of the dreaded she devil, Lil Hose-beast, on the poor unsuspecting village people mob outside their gothic abode. IG had long ago locked the foul wench within the virtual chains of hell that is Castle Rebello. Now, standing on the precipice of utter doom that would be loosed, Igor pleads with his evil master.

"I'm pleading with you master, just like the knifehead guy said I would. Don't do it or WE'LL BE SORRY!". Young Squee echos with less fear and trembling and a mouth full of Hostess Twinkie (TM), "Yea dad, big mistake 'cause you know what happened the last time you did that." "SILENCE!", IG shouts, It's my Lil Hose-beast and I will play with her whenever I want. But just in case, you guys run to my boat-in-a-moat, the good ship Porca. We'll be safe there." The dorky duo lead the way briskly as Evil IG pulls the lever and bolts for the door with a shriekish "BWEEEEHEHEHEHEHE!:D :D :D "

On board the good ship Porca, our three co-conspiritors wait now in relative safety(and with really good seats) for the horrific show that will undoubtedly unfold. The mob of village people(cue YMCA and with gradual fade) begin hurling rocks, knives, pitchforks, railroad spikes, billets of 1095 and L6, coal clinkers, etc in the direction of the good ship Porca.

"BWEEEEHEHEHEHE MISSED ME!, MISSED ME!", IG squeals with thumbs in ears, wiggling boney fingers at his assailants.

A black cloud covers the whole of the land as Lil Hose-beast appears to float upon the moat bridge of Castle Rebello. The poor unfortunate village mob scatters in fear but it appears the ire of the now free she-monster isn't directed at them. Her blood filled eyes lock onto her target, the good ship Porca, as she jumps from the bridge. I sense that the end may be near for the blundering bad guys.
 
....(cue orchestral music that sounds like, "dumDUMdumDUMdumDUMdumDUM doo doo DOOOOOOOO DOO DOO doo doo....everyone sing along)

Lil Hose-beast enters the moat without a splash. Four of the village people hold up signs, 9, 9, 9, and 9. It appears that the fifth judge, holding up a 7, was unhappy with the seeping hook holes and gave a 2 point deduction. That's just too darn bad for this young hopeful, maybe next year....yet, we digress.

Squee taps the Evil IG on the shoulder saying, "Daddy, I'm still hungry. Can I have a beer?" Frustrated with his son's lack of concentration, Evil IG says, "Not now son, can't you see that the Lil Hose-beast has turned against her master, yours truly, and that we now fight for our lives? Take the helm while I go prepare for battle." "Daddy, what's a helm?", Squee says. With ever increasing squeaky pitched voice IG wails "TAKE THE STEERING WHEEL DUMBASS!" :mad:

The always obedient toadeater of a son dives for the helm. Squee is able to maneuver the good ship Porca so that the pierced siren can only manage a glancing blow against the bow of their gallant vessel. But on the next run, she manages to put a large hole in her stern.

"Daddy, what's the stern?":rolleyes: , is the muffled question that comes from the Hostess Twinkie(tm) filled mouth of young Squee at the helm. Igor yells, "That's that back of the boat you moron...WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!, the Porca is sinking!" With both hands full of snack foods high in saturated fat, Squee loses his grip on the ships wheel and slides to the open stern. He screams like a school girl as Lil Hose-beast chomps down on his crotch and drags him into the moat. Nothing could be seen of the boy and only Hostess Twinkie(tm) wrappers bobbed on ripples where he disappeared into the bloody blackness that is Castle Rebello's moat.

Porca slowly sinks as Evil IG climbs to the highest point on the ship.....
 
Floating on a piece of Porca, the much smarter Igor manages to put some distance between himself and his doomed master. Now with the young Squee consumed, Lil Hose-beast makes her final death run on the Evil IG. She launched her slithery bod in one last effort to chomp on him by the crotch and succeeded.

During the struggle, a 40lb propane tank got lodged in her cleavage. She managed to pull him down into the soupy moat but only for a short while at a time, occasionally bobbing back to the surface. This allowed the Evil IG, war hooping like a banshee because of the death chomp on the Evil family jewels, to grab a breath of air now and then.

Will Evil IG succumb to the death chomp and subsequent pain?

Will he decide he likes it and run off to Cancun with Lil Hose-beast?

Will Squee, the ever faithful son and minion, bob back up and ask for more food?

A sharp "CRACK" rings out in the distance and a giant explosion sends pieces of Lil Hose-beast and Evil IG raining down around the yard and moat of Castle Rebello. Igor catches a glimpse of a shadowy figure of the East Tower of Castle Rebello and runs to see who it is. Panting as he rounds the last step of the long, spiral staircase of the East Tower of Castle Rebello, he watches as Maid Helen puts her M40 Marine Sniper Rifle back in it's case.

"He was such a slut!", she said with a mischievous smile while waving two, one way tickets to Cancun.

So goes another day in
DAYS OF OUR KNIVES
 
---------------------------------------------------------------
(copied from another thread)
---------------------------------------------------------------
The Marboro whispered a sound like crumpling cellophane as he squinted and pulled a long drag. Jacob leaned against his primer-patched pickup right next to the row of little pig-shaped silhouettes stenciled in black on the door.

“I’m so misunderstood!” he said quietly to himself as he flicked the half-used cigarette into the bushes.

It had been a bad week. The neighbor kids were back to launching cumquats at him with their paintball gun and he’d learned that, for some reason, soaking in cucumber juice is a powerful diuretic.
He was feeling angry too. He wanted to shake his fist at the world. He just had to get home ... back to the one who’s love would never change … who’d always understand.

Tears welled in his eyes as the tires of his rattling old truck crunched onto the gravel driveway. There she was. Just as he’d hoped. Just as he’d expected. She ran down the driveway to meet him spinning and leaping with joy. Jacob stepped from his truck and she yapped and licked his ankles.

“Lady, Heel!” A gruff voice boomed from the porch. A screen door slammed.

It was IG.

Jacob turned and swallowed hard. He started toward the house. In nervous habit, he reached for a cigarette— it was his last one.
A little stumble on the first step to the porch and he dropped the cigarette which, as it fell, seemed like the most important thing in the world to Jacob. He grasped for it and missed, but it never reached the ground. Lady the Pomeranian caught it and tore it to shreds. Jacob’s jaw dropped as the little specs of brown comfort vanished into the gravel.

“Here son, try one of mine.”

IG held out a cigarette. It’s paper shimmered a strange pearl red …..


Days of Our Knives
 
David Wesner said:
:D ROTFL :D , if IG unleashes "the power of the Lil Hose-beast" this could be a "sticky" :D (please, not in this direction ;) )........

This is good stuff, thanks Joe , Kerry ! :thumbup: the creativity that some people posses really amazes me
Click to expand...

OOOOP!!! Sorry David it's heading your way, you better duck.
:eek: :eek: :D
 
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