Defining a Mall Ninja

J

JNieporte

Joined
Nov 1, 2004
Messages
3,352
I see the words "mall ninja" on here a lot, and I have a general idea of what one is. Mall ninja wants the ultra black tactical knife for special operations, or the covert deanimator that will sever a head at 20 paces in total silence. Mall ninja buys a knife because it says GREEN BERET or COVERT RESPONSE on the blade. But what's your definition of a mall ninja?
 
I was a mall ninja... from age thirteen to fifteen. :o

I remember the trees in our yard all had the tell-tale pin pricks left by shuriken in their bark. Or maybe it was the blow gun I bought... Hard to remember.

We used to watch Enter The Dragon in freeze frame on our old VCR to get all of Bruce's moves down cold. Sho Koshugi was a favorite, as was Black Belt Magazine where you could pruchase smoke bombs cheaply.

I remember making Nunchauku in wood shop and trying to convince my shop teacher they were tools my mother needed for baking.

My best friend Ray and I tried making a grappling hook out of rebar we stole from a construction site. Unfortunately we had no sense of scale (or propriety). It must have been about 15 pounds when we were finished with it and looked more like an anchor than a grappling hook. We tried to climb up on our neighbor's two story house with it but it was so heavy it punched a hole through their shingles and stuck there in the roof. We ran away in the night, too stupid to realize it was still tied to the yellow nylon ski-rope we had borrowed from the boat of my friend's father. We just left it dangling there, tied to our throwing anchor.

We behaved even worse in the mall, but that would take a book to describe.
 
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Mall ninja has come to mean any excessive attraction to fantasy tactical gear, but orignally it refered to a mall security guard who took himself too seriously and went around equipped for action he wouldn't have been competent to deal with anyway.

truthseeker's sig line has the real story:

"Right now I’m taping the ASP to my right calf (the left calf is where I have my G27)." - Gecko45
Shrine of the Mall Ninja
 
I must admit, I too suffered from the mall ninja virus. It took a self-initiated intervention to make me see the error of my ways, and stop shopping at Budk. Except for the stink bombs.
 
OMG that is so funny. Makes me sound rather normal, wearing my Busse to work as an art director!:D
 
Oh my god, that was funny, I wish I could meet these losers. I'm about to join the forum, and have a little fun lol.
 
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I have to admit, I had a bit of a mall ninja phase myself, I remember gazing into the Smith and Wesson knife display, mouthing the words "SWAT" and "Home Land Security" wich were etched on the blades.
 
Guys,

This is in Community.
Your posts need to reflect the rules established here.

My answer, anyone who thinks their knife is a weapon. Anyone who come in here asking which is the best defensive knife and anyone who has never used a knife defensively who answers the question.

How many of us have actually used a knife against another person. My bet is a whole lot less than 1% of the people who participate here. (And a heck of a lot less if one does not include our military and L.E.O. members.)

I doubt if there are many at all and those few are the only ones qualified to give an answer. Anyone else who gives and answer is speaking with no experience.

Anyone who buys a knife because it is advertised as a man-killer, Seal Approved, Ranger approved etc.
 
Interesting cultural misunderstanding.

Before reading this thread I assumed a Mall Ninja was either a genuine Ninja who has a part-time job at a shopping center because the demand for secret warriors is temporarily slow, or a genuine Ninja who is hired by concerned business owners to protect a shopping center from an outside threat that normal security personal is not equipped to deal with.

Thank you for correcting my wrong assumptions.

Rafael
 
You have to tell ridiculous stories stories of stuff you could never do, and never did, in order to be a TRUE mall-ninja.
Google Gecko45 and you'll get the idea(be careful though, as you'll laugh hard enough to squirt liquids all over the place, or bust stitches).
It helps if you live in your mom's basement, too.:D REAL mall-ninjas are too busy fighting off child-molesters and Neo-nazi gangs to move out of their parents house.
 
rninja2.jpg
 
A mall ninja is

Someone who collects plastic knives.

Someone who thinks Mantis makes better products than Spyderco or Benchmade.

Someone who painted the '89 Subaru all black.

Someone who put an Extreme Shock bumper sticker on their all-black Macbook.

Someone who has a shrine to Raiden in their house.

Someone whose favorite athlete is Katsume Yamada.

Someone who has a mullet that would make even Billy Ray Cyrus envious.

Someone who thinks that Cobra autos are better defensive weapons than Smith & Wesson revolvers.

Someone who carries a flare gun as a weapon.

Someone who brags online that he got an AA-12 and a hundred Frag-12 rounds.

Someone who owns a van that has at least three Dell XPS M1730s running in it

Someone who can only cook Ramen noodles.

Someone who spends over $10 on $.79 items at Taco Bell.

Someone who learned everything they know about firearms playing Counter Strike.
 
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