A man can sit in a 'lawn' chair and work on an apple with one of these, whilst watching the neighbor across the street sweating over his lawn and burning up his knife money on lawn equipment and supplies. Here is also a little piece meant to poke fun, but painfully true. Heed.
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Winterize your lawn,” the sign outside the garden store commanded. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with. We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne’s lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency.
Imagine the conversation the Creator might have had with Saint Francis:
“Frank--you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.”
“It is the tribes that settled there, Lord, the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass.”
“Grass? But that is so boring. It is not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It is temperamental with temperatures, and uses enormous amounts of water. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?”
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each Spring by fertilizing the grass with chemicals which kill all the micro-organisms which build soil, and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn, which also poisons their drinking water.”
“The Spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.”
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it--sometimes twice a week.”
“They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay to feed my creatures?”
“No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to have it thrown away.”
“Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“These Suburbanites must be relieved in the Summer, when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.”
“You are not going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.”
“Good grief! Well, at least they kept some of the trees. The trees grow leaves in the Spring to provide beauty and shade in the Summer. In the Autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil, and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they decompose, the leaves form rich compost to enhance the soil. It is a natural circle of life.”
“You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles, bag them into plastic, made from your precious petroleum, and have them hauled away, using more of your petroleum.”
“No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?”
“After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home by petroleum-burning vehicles and spread it around in place of the leaves.”
“And where do they get this mulch?”
“They cut down trees and grind them up.”
“Enough! I don’t want to hear any more. Saint Catherine, you are in charge of the Arts. What movie have you scheduled for tonight?”
“It is called Dumb and Dumber.”
loads of sterile annual flower beds that die in our horrible arctic winter, plus they set dozens of traps along the brook (creek??) to catch muskrats, water voles and all too often birds there-'pests' They left me a tractor mower which I replaced with another one, hated the task: noisy, fume ridden, devours petrol, needs a lot of maintenance, constantly needing to dump these stinking clippings everywhere
Plus vicious horseflies and mosquitoes bite you to death while you're on it 
Bubble wrap or no bubble wrap 
